lora22 Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I'm the one that broke up with my exbf, but still totally in love with him. He wants me back, and I want him back, even though I know he's not what I want in a partner (he lied about something pretty important, and kept the issue a secret from me throughout our entire relationship). So, just a matter of emotions vs. what I know is/isn't right for me and what I deserve. We have a lot of mutual friends; he's also good friends with my sister and her fiance. My sister and I have had plans to have a party at our family's beach house this coming weekend for a couple months now; the ex was invited initially (obviously b/c we were still dating at the time), and he is friends with everyone else that will be there. He asked my sister's fiance if he's still invited; fiance said yes of course, there was plenty of room and sleeping arrangements can be rearranged. So I feel like I can't "univite" him, and I don't want to be dramatic about this...but it's going to be really hard to see him, because I'm sure he's going to be super charming and so on, trying to win me over. On the other hand, it's MY family's house, and I refuse to miss out just because he will still be there. Anyone have any tips for me? *Should add that we haven't been talking/hanging out or anything since we broke up. He's texted/emailed me a couple times, and I called him in response to say that I didn't want to be friends. Other than that, that's been our only contact.
wow123 Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Wow. First I am very surprised that someone told him he is still invited to your beach house without consulting with you first. If I were you I would have the person he asked call him back and tell him it might not be a good idea for him to come. They told him he was still invited, they should be the one to uninvite him.
Author lora22 Posted June 8, 2009 Author Posted June 8, 2009 Yeah, I don't think my sister's fiance was trying to be rude (he and I have been friends for 7 or 8 years), but since my ex is very close with my sister and her bf, I didn't tell them (or our other mutual friends) why he and I broke up. I don't want to drag friends into our break up, ya know. So I think everyone's assumption is that things just didn't work out for us and we don't want to be together anymore. Our friends know about his exgf (details from another post), but all they know is that she wants him back; they don't know the effect that it had on our relationship. But I like your suggestion that the fiance should be the one to say hey, maybe not...I'll have to think about that one. It's a good suggestion.
wow123 Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I had the same problem. Exbf wanted her back remained in contact and destroyed our relationship.
Author lora22 Posted June 8, 2009 Author Posted June 8, 2009 That sucks, I'm sorry. I'm seriously considering adding "must not be 'friends' with exgfs" to my list of things I want in a guy. It's too messy of an issue in so many cases. Anyways, I think asking the fiancee to talk to my ex is being too dramatic, and kind of dragging him and my sister into this. I don't want to put them in an awkward or uncomfortable position with their friend. I'm thinking of just calling or emailing my ex myself, and not exactly "uninviting him" but saying please reconsider his attendance, because I'm not comfortable with it, and I don't want to potentially make our friends uncomfortable if anything happens or comes up. Does anyone have any other thoughts on how to handle this, or am I just stressing over nothing?
huck Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Depends what you want to happen.. If you dont want to get back with this guy then it will be weird if hes there. Putting myself in your shoes, id want to have a laugh and enjoy myself at a party and if my ex was there it would spoil/put a dappener on things.. Assuming you guys will be drinking as well - there might be a risk of your guard being lowered at the party and doing something you regret.. ( im not saying you would do this - but you know what happens after a few drinks - arguments/sexytime etc ). If I was you id text/call him and be honest... Its your familys house at the end of the day... Either way - have a good time at the party !!!!!!!
Author lora22 Posted June 9, 2009 Author Posted June 9, 2009 Yeah, he's a fun guy and I know I would still have fun if he was there, since he'd be "on" and other than our one issue we never fought or anything; we had an amazing relationship and got along really well...I'm worried about the "sexytime":laugh: I'm going to call him tomorrow and I'm not going to tell him that he can't come, because of the situation, but I am going to tell him that I would really prefer if he didn't come and give him all my reasons for that. I really do want him back, but I know that I have to respect myself and not go down that road, so it's better if we just don't see each other.
Soul Bear Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 Lora.... what?! Dont do that.... Who says he is going to want 'sexytime' anyway?! I think you should allow him to come, see what the vibe is, you might be pleasantly surprised!! You said it yourself- 'I really do want him back' Its not showing yourself less respect by having him there. I think you should take it slow, test the waters....cant think a better place to test them than at the beach.... He may genuinely just try to have a good time and be himself. Im sure you would love that and so would he, please dont burn your bridges with him....
Author lora22 Posted June 9, 2009 Author Posted June 9, 2009 Ahhhh Soul Bear, now I'm conflicted again! I really am tempted to just let him come, because he is a really fun (and generally good) person, and I hate drama, which is kind of how it seems the uniinviting him situation would come across, cuz I know everyone would be like, Hey, where is he??!!
Soul Bear Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 Thats what Im here for Look, its just sounds to me like you want to be with him but your finding excuses not to be with him..... See where this goes you never know?!...... Good luck
Author lora22 Posted June 9, 2009 Author Posted June 9, 2009 I just have such a hard time with the lying! I don't know if I can trust him But thanks, I'll keep you posted.
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