r0xigirll991 Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 He tells me "I'd love for me to remain in love with me until I figure things out, but the sad trusth is that I have not the power to make you not see other guys", but he wants "space" and "time apart" and "doesnt want a relationship", but still has sex with me, I STOPPED that tho. He's very short with me, never responds to any of my texts, and when I told him I wasn't going to talk to him because I knew that's what he wanted, he just says alright..... Then a few hours later says " Im not gonna not talk to you when your gone" and then barely says a word after. He NEVER texts me, he only did when I told him I wasn't going to text him. With in the last month he has been very hot and cold. One day he says he misses me and loves me, the next he doesn't talk to me and says "I don't really love you". He has yet to say hes in love with me and parties all the time now with ugly chicks hehe. Ugh, what do you the hope is for our future... Never says he misses me..
guitarplayer1234 Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Honestly the guy sounds like an as$hole I don't know why you would want him in your life. I think you should just ignore him. If he truly wants you then he'll come to you. Maybe you should move on and find other guys to date because there's plenty more who aren't going to be so rude.
Excellent Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 How about giving him some of his own medicine, start to ignore him. The way he is behaving does not give him the right to have your attention anymore. Cut him off, heal, and find someone that appriciates you.
Exit Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Sounds like he is probably done and is just trying to hang onto a few "benefits". It's really up to you and your emotional state to decide if you want to still keep hoping. If you can manage to do a little bit of both (move on but still be open to the chance of it working out) then go ahead. But if hoping is going to keep you locked down in one place and keep you thinking about it every single day, then just move on.
Cloudberry Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Forget about him and move on. When he said he wanted space, you didn't give it to him, and kept on having sex with him, which was a bad move. So in the future, don't do that. Leave guys alone when they say they want time apart. Now he's turning into an a-hole before your eyes, so you shouldn't want him anyway. You can do better.
boogieboy Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Yeah this is way too obvious. He tells you what you want to hear, but then after a while he cant lie about what he really feels. Keep away from him, you wont get him back the way you want.
Author r0xigirll991 Posted June 9, 2009 Author Posted June 9, 2009 thanks.... Idk, I hope he still loves me, he's done this before too.... He'll hide his feelings... If I give him space now, do you think he'll come back? I know he must be missing me.. I want him and only him, Im trying to move on, but nothing else compares to him! He said he made a decision that's he's going to stick to and that's us being apart.
Mike B. Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 thanks.... Idk, I hope he still loves me, he's done this before too.... He'll hide his feelings... If I give him space now, do you think he'll come back? I know he must be missing me.. I want him and only him, Im trying to move on, but nothing else compares to him! He said he made a decision that's he's going to stick to and that's us being apart. I will tell you that from what you posted that when you say "nothing else compare to him" it is because, my guess, is that you have probably not dated enough guys. There is nothing wrong with this at all but there are plenty other guys with better attitudes than this. In any event, you have to move on. The guy probably misses you at times but just because someone misses you it does not mean they want to get back together with you. As long as you contact him and have sex with him, you will drag this hurtful process on which will hurt even more. He will just come around for the sex and tell you what you want to hear to get it. You should stop hoping that he will come back and accept that he is gone. One of my favorite movie quotes is from Shawshank Redemption when Morgan Freeman said "hope can drive a man crazy." As long as you sit back and hope he will come back it will drive you crazy by continuing to preoccupy your mind with him.
Author r0xigirll991 Posted June 9, 2009 Author Posted June 9, 2009 I know your totally right and Im trying to accept it, but I can't just make myself stop wanting him. I still love him and miss him and wanna be with him, and no one else... I've been dating around and busy so its not like Im waiting around depressed waiting for him... However the desire I feel for him doesn't go away, I want something I can't have.... and may never get, so all I have is hope... ugh!
lizzy_09 Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 The way you’ve describe him seems like he NEEDS A LOT OF GROWING UP. You’ve become a slave to your own passion or emotions. Don’t tolerate what he’s doing to you or you’ll end up losing your identity and self respect. You have to let him grow up at his own pace just as you have to grow up and move on. I used to weigh my options like you. Not opening up to a new relationship for fear of threading in unfamiliar ground while here is a man that I know inside out and could better well handle him. Always remember, life’s a gamble. It isn’t easy living your life in regret. Until you’ve noticed that you’ve wasted your life away for a man who loves himself more then you do and is inconsiderate of your thoughts and feelings. What you should be asking now is how should I recover from a bad relationship and learn to forget him and move on. I know it can be hard to forget especially if you’re always trying to recall the good times you’ve spent together. Try this, write down all the good stuff you’ve had together and then across that write all the hurtful stuff he did to you. When you have flashbacks of your good times, read all the bad stuff he did towards you. Remove all the stuff that reminds you off him. Don’t keep in touch with him. Stop all communication. Get a new hair cut. LOL. Hang–out with girlfriends whom you know isn’t tired of hearing your depressed state over and over again. FOCUS, tell yourself you’re attractive and desirable and a lot of man is waiting in line for you and all you have to do is find someone whom you can be yourself and love you for who you are. You’ve already discovered all your ex flaws. Now, you know what you want out of a relationship and you can get that. Good luck!
Author r0xigirll991 Posted June 9, 2009 Author Posted June 9, 2009 I agree with what everyone says, but for now, he is what I want. Ironically the day after we broke up, I went and got myself a haircut. I looked much better, but even then we were getting along trying to get back together... I know I am in love with him and I have felt the pain of not being together... and it's just gonna take a lot to get past..
Cloudberry Posted June 13, 2009 Posted June 13, 2009 I've felt that way before when I was really young...being dumped and not being the slightest bit interested in any other guy but the one who dumped you. It's just an illusion in your mind, and it's also unhealthy. Do whatever mental gymnastics it takes, but you must get over him as soon as you can. Trust me, 5 years from now you will look back and wonder what you ever saw in him. Anyway, now you have a cute haircut and you can feel confident meeting other guys. Socialize, even if you don't feel like it.
lizzy_09 Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 r0xigirll991, it’s your choice, it’s your direction. Whatever you choose to decide is entirely up to you. We’ve already presented the entire possible outcome to your dilemma. Always remember, it takes 2 to tango. So, if you’re the one doing all the works in your relationship, I must warn you, please him all his life and you’ll end up loosing him forever. In a rule, men is a fool, when it’s hot he wants it cool. When it’s cool, he wants it hot. Always wanting what is not.
Island Girl Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 You have become a doormat. It is unfortunate but it is true. He has no respect for you. You accept whatever treatment he is giving. He tells you he doesn't want you but you are right back there when he changes his mind - and then change is momentary. What should have happened is the first time he tried to pull this crap -- you said, "if that's what you want so be it." and walked out. Then you should have gone NC with him and make him search you out to tell you how sorry he was etc. If it was going to happen and work out -- this is what needed to be done so he'd know you aren't a yo-yo he can just play with when he feels like it that is always going to come back. But you didn't. You let this guy treat you like crap over and over again. Now that is all he is ever going to do. Please do yourself the favor of not wasting anymore time being his beck and call girl. You deserve better and he is NOT going to give it to you. If you do not move on then a year from now you'll be posting the same thing.
NopeNah Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 You have become a doormat. It is unfortunate but it is true. He has no respect for you. You accept whatever treatment he is giving. He tells you he doesn't want you but you are right back there when he changes his mind - and then change is momentary. What should have happened is the first time he tried to pull this crap -- you said, "if that's what you want so be it." and walked out. Then you should have gone NC with him and make him search you out to tell you how sorry he was etc. If it was going to happen and work out -- this is what needed to be done so he'd know you aren't a yo-yo he can just play with when he feels like it that is always going to come back. But you didn't. You let this guy treat you like crap over and over again. Now that is all he is ever going to do. Please do yourself the favor of not wasting anymore time being his beck and call girl. You deserve better and he is NOT going to give it to you. If you do not move on then a year from now you'll be posting the same thing. Didn't know if you saw this?!?!BUT..,it's the truth!!!
Author r0xigirll991 Posted June 15, 2009 Author Posted June 15, 2009 Everyone is so right, how do I stay strong? Its so tough, and the pain is so unbearable.
Exit Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 We've tried telling you how to stay strong. Honestly for me the greatest thing in the world has been eating healthy and exercising. I have been doing great and I know this will make me feel better in the long wrong. She can end up being 400 lbs like her mother for all I care. That's just something that I'm passionate about. You need to find what works for you. Actually later today I think I'm going to the library to get more books about nutrition and maybe a few other random books, definitely a good distraction. Trust me the way you feel about this guy in your head is FAKE. I'm doing the same thing about my ex, I see her as the most amazing person and I'm totally losing her, but a small part of me remembers to be realistic and know that she isn't that great. If you need somebody to talk to feel free to talk to me.
Author r0xigirll991 Posted June 16, 2009 Author Posted June 16, 2009 You have become a doormat. It is unfortunate but it is true. He has no respect for you. You accept whatever treatment he is giving. He tells you he doesn't want you but you are right back there when he changes his mind - and then change is momentary. What should have happened is the first time he tried to pull this crap -- you said, "if that's what you want so be it." and walked out. Then you should have gone NC with him and make him search you out to tell you how sorry he was etc. If it was going to happen and work out -- this is what needed to be done so he'd know you aren't a yo-yo he can just play with when he feels like it that is always going to come back. But you didn't. You let this guy treat you like crap over and over again. Now that is all he is ever going to do. Please do yourself the favor of not wasting anymore time being his beck and call girl. You deserve better and he is NOT going to give it to you. If you do not move on then a year from now you'll be posting the same thing. You are so incredibly right! This was harsh, but just inspires me to cut him out completely and if he ever tries to talk to me. Ignore him. Thank you all so much! I love this site and good news! I went out tonight with this new guy and I'm not sheltering myself again.
Island Girl Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 You are so incredibly right! This was harsh, but just inspires me to cut him out completely and if he ever tries to talk to me. Ignore him. Thank you all so much! I love this site and good news! I went out tonight with this new guy and I'm not sheltering myself again. GOOD FOR YOU!! You deserve better than to be somebody's second stringer. Whoever you are with should know and treat you like a Princess. No guy is EVER worth being treated badly. Never stay with a guy that doesn't know he's got it good with you. The only thing a bad guy does really well (besides making you feel like crap) is keep the good ones away. Sorry you thought it was harsh but reread this thread if you have the thought of talking to this user again. Go NC for your own sake. The only thing he gives you continuously and reliably is grief.
Author r0xigirll991 Posted June 19, 2009 Author Posted June 19, 2009 This site makes me feel so much better, because I feel the same way everyone does here. Hopeless to the point where I feel like my whole world is falling apart. THANK GOD! that I can talk to people who are feeling the same way as me, because everyone I talk to is either mean or just say get over it. I hope this guy realizes what he lost. I plan on becoming like super ****ing hot when I am older so I can be like **** you! That always makes me feel better I can't wait for that day. Well I am experiencing heart break and it is the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with. I have to hang in there don't I? because earlier I was having suicidal thoughts which freaks me out!!! I started telling myself that no one loves me... and no one would care if I died.
Author r0xigirll991 Posted December 29, 2009 Author Posted December 29, 2009 Guess what it's been about a year from now, and yes I am posting the same thing because I am a dumbass. I didn't take anyone's advice and now I am even more miserable and lonely. FML I've lost my friends, family, and education. I am not even enrolled at school and no one knows what to do with me. Everyone just tries to scare me by telling me they are going to lock me up. I really don't even know anymore. I am in such a bad place.
lostboyuk Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 Hey r0xigirll991 I've not had chance to read through your thread yet but take things from me, nothing has to be as bad as it seems now. You can be and do anything that you want, there are so many stories of personal tragedy in here and wherever you look but what you also find are stories of great triumph where people become stronger and better because of those experiences. Don't worry about not taking advice, you probably did what you thought was right at the time, don't beat yourself with the 'whatif stick'. My personal circumstance I won't bore you with but I left school with nothing and I'm now very successful, I didn't used to be close to my family but I am more now becuase of what I'm going through.
nobmagnet Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 hey take heart my love. BIG LS LOVE to you. I havent had the pleasure of your company before! I beleive in you. you care and have empathy. I have made so many dodgy decisions in my..nearly 40 years and have learnt the sun comes up every day regardless how poo we feel. Life is complicated. Love more so. Have beleif in you. You sre a good girl/woman. Nothing is hopless EVER. what happened? why you back? hugs neet xx
skydiveaddict Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 dump him immediately you deserve a much better guy than him
sean1970 Posted December 29, 2009 Posted December 29, 2009 Guess what it's been about a year from now, and yes I am posting the same thing because I am a dumbass. I didn't take anyone's advice and now I am even more miserable and lonely. FML I've lost my friends, family, and education. I am not even enrolled at school and no one knows what to do with me. Everyone just tries to scare me by telling me they are going to lock me up. I really don't even know anymore. I am in such a bad place. I suppose and update is in order, yes?
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