Lucky_One Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 It seems to me that there are a fair number of FB or FWB relationships that get discussed on LS. And many of them seem to be where women want more than this, and are unhappy with it - and where the men seem to be fine with casual, no-strings-attached sex that requires no effort or commitment. So WHY are women doing this? Is there a belief that "sex with me is so amazing that he will propose during Thanksgiving dinner at his folks"? Is there a belief that a man will just fall into a "legit" relationship through time and laziness? Is it a desperate move on the woman's part to get into the life (and bed) of a man that she wants for a BF in any way possible? That type of relationship isn't anything I can really understand, but it just seems that so many women are unhappy with them and men love them?
Lyssa Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 That type of relationship isn't anything I can really understand, but it just seems that so many women are unhappy with them and men love them? I can never understand either, Lucky_One. I do admire those who can have a FWB relationship and really not expect the man to go beyond that but from what I have read on here - most of those girls do want something more.
Soul Bear Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Speaking from experience, When I met my ex fiance all those years ago, we were just going to be FWB....She wanted more after a few weeks and so did I a short time after her. I guess for guys, its because they want to keep their options open, and in a sense can be an act of selfishness, depending on the circumstances of course. For me it was because I had just come out of a R 3 months before and didnt want a R, same as her. But it escalated, all be it it was her first move 'I Love you'.... About 2 weeks later I fell for her
Lyssa Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Speaking from experience, When I met my ex fiance all those years ago, we were just going to be FWB.... I've been meaning to ask those who had experience in FWB situation - were you just FWB with her? Do some of them have more than one FWB?
Soul Bear Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Yup, just with her, although the first week there was another girl i was seeing which was JUST 'WB'....we werent even really friends, but after sleeping with my ex for the first time I stopped seeing anyone else sexually.
Kamille Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I was in a FWB relationship in my early twenties, right after my first hearbreak. I wasn't interested in anything more and neither was he. I eventually met someone I wanted to date and ended the benefits in our friendship. My FWB then proceeded in trying to woo me back by sending me poems and flowers. The demotion killed the friendship for awhile, although we ran into each other years later and are now good friends again. Guess I'm writing this to say it is possible for women to be in those types of arrangements and not want more. edited to add: interestingly, my current boyfriend first approached me by asking for a FWB arrangement, because of where he was in his life when we met (just decided that he was separating). I refused because I knew I wanted more. He's now very happy that I did. The lesson I learned there: never compromise on what you want!
dreamergrl Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I had one when I was 19 or 20. When I started it, I had no desire to be in a relationship. It was perfect for me at the time. We did things together, besides sex as well. It was all the things I wanted out of a relationship, minus the things I didn't want out of a relationship. Eventually I had healed from what made me not want a relationship, and I started to get attached to this guy. It ended.
lora22 Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I did the FWB thing twice; once it started out that neither of us wanted anything more, when I started wanting more, I ended the WB part; started seeing someone else, friend got jealous and decided he wanted more, but I wasn't up for that anymore... so we stopped being friends for awhile; now he's one of my best friends, and that's all it is on either side. Second time I did it was pretty much the same thing - neither of us were interested in a relationship at the time. It was the best "relationship" or situation or whatever I've ever had. It was literally ALL of the good things about being in a "relationship" with none of the drama and junky bad things.
gopher Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I had an ex-gf who made it clear that she just wanted sex, but after a few times it was clear that she wanted more. I ended it rather than hurt her...plus it seemed pretty empty to me,,,
Jersey Shortie Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 So WHY are women doing this? Is there a belief that "sex with me is so amazing that he will propose during Thanksgiving dinner at his folks"? Is there a belief that a man will just fall into a "legit" relationship through time and laziness? Is it a desperate move on the woman's part to get into the life (and bed) of a man that she wants for a BF in any way possible? That type of relationship isn't anything I can really understand, but it just seems that so many women are unhappy with them and men love them? I think because women have physical urges just like men do and if they can't get the full-sha-bang, they will settle for less. The only thing is that by settling for less, women make men less as well because the man doesn't put in the effort he should. So while it's great for men in terms of sex, it doesn't really make men any more appealing then it makes women on a general basis. Women don't want lazy men and men don't want women who give it up real easy for any guy. And in that type of relationship, that's exactly what is happening. Men are lazy, and women are settling for less they they want or deserve. At least, on a general level. Of course, some women and situations this doesn't apply. Although I believe that if a woman is sleeping with you, she might not be in love with you but she likes you on some level. I don't know if I would call it desperate. But I do think women AND men do themselves both a diservice even if it feels good for both in the moment.
lora22 Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 It works when both people are on the same page, and when the two people involved RESPECT each other.
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