Mr. Noname Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I had more then 3 weeks NC, I broke it today. I was having a difficult time and want to ask her so many things. I told her to be honestly and talked to her on the phone for more then 1.5 hours. I didn't beg her to come back, I said that I accepted her choice and have forgiven her. I also said things will never work out in the future. I had questions concerning our sex life, our relationship, her doubts etc. We didn't talked about her life, but I know she is not very sad anymore. I think I should do the same, it was wonderful but it didn't work out anyway. I had doubts and questions and she anserwerd them all and was completely honest. She sweared on her family that she spoke the truth. I also said that If she wanted to say something that could damage my ego she could say it. She said that if that there was something potentially damaging she would say it! We were more then 3 years together and I had the right to know the truth, how ugly it may be. I feel much better know, I was feeling angry and had my doubts... But breaking my NC was a good thing to do. For the people who are on NC now, just stick to it. I had my reasons to break it and I didn't use the contact I have had with her to reconcile with her. I accepted the truth and didn't make any effort to change her mind. Many people can think, if she lied she would lie to you right now. But I don't think that's the truth, and I stick to my thought she was very honest! Greetings Mr.Noname
crackerjax9 Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 good for you for being so strong! it looks like u broke no contact to gain some closure and maybe you have it now - good job also for making it past 3 weeks im having trouble just making it one week...good luck!
Author Mr. Noname Posted June 8, 2009 Author Posted June 8, 2009 Yes it was the best thing I could do, My advice is to follow your heart, but don't break the NC if you want to reconcile or something. It was just a way for me to make things more acceptable and understandable. Also I was starting to hate her, but our conversation served to let go of that feeling. I thought she was a lieing b*tch, but it isn't true. I feel so powerful that I said that I forgive her and accepted her choice. Now I have the feeling that I can continue my life, no hard feelings about the past relationship, no grudge and no hate. I also know she would not tell lies behind my back and putting people against me. The relationship ended but she will always respect me for who I was and for who I am.
drummerprince81 Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Mr Noname - My advice is to follow your heart, but don't break the NC if you want to reconcile or something. I guess this could be correct. You followed your heart to get answers. You had no other agenda. It was an easy task to accomplish. And you gained closure. But then how can reconciation happen if we don't talk... I really want to break NC... Well done though on your breakthrough.
sean22 Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 Hey, i think i'm in a similar situation. My gf broke up with me said the relationship was putting to much pressure on her with her going overseas soon. The next day she told my best mate that she had lost all feelings for me, wasn't that interested in me from the beginning.. blah blah. I know that she was probably trying to protect my feelings and all.. but its like i hate her for no reason. i just want to interogate her and ask her why she left me in the dark and why she couldnt have just been honest and told me about her feelings and left me with false hope. What did she want from me? Why did she say yes when i asked her out knowing she was going overseas in a few months? I havnt broken NC yet as much as i want to. If she ever tries to speak to me it will come out. I just want answers.. gah
Soul Bear Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 Mr NoName, How are you feeling today? I know after you break NC you feel good...but has that feeling subsided today at all?
Author Mr. Noname Posted June 10, 2009 Author Posted June 10, 2009 I'm feeling OK. It was kind of difficult talk to her, especially when I came to the conclusion she is already moving on. But it wouldn't made any difference if she was sad, the relationship ended en will never work out in the future. I think, she is moving on... I should do the same. I'm feeling now as a tabula rasa, there is no need to think things over. I accept the awful truth and move on with my own life. I start from zero and don't look back. The ****ed up feeling will stay, but that's something I have to accept. I would not ignore it, but it's nice to move on and don't look back. I think I have reached a point in which I can let her go... no false hope... no blackmail... just mutual respect... It didn't work out, I can not do anything about it... and If i can't do something about it, I should not worry about it! Don't stick in your own grieve, but begin to live your own life.
drummerprince81 Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Just out of interest, why do you say it will never work out in the future? Fair enough, this a healthy conclusion to come to believe. I wish I could arrive in this destination...
Author Mr. Noname Posted June 10, 2009 Author Posted June 10, 2009 She is moving on my friend, I talked to her mother the day before, I told her I would call her... The mother said there was no hope, she is happy now and is moving on.... I heard her voice and I came to the conclusion things will never work out, the trust is gone, she doesn't think about me anymore, she doesn't miss me.. That were her words, I think I heard it again she is not changed so I have to move on, there is no hope. Keep strong...
drummerprince81 Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Her mother might be wanting her to move on. Her mother might want her daughter to experience life too. Her mother was perhaps trying to tell you to leave it alone for a while. I don't want to give you hope mate by saying these things. But mother's do have a big say. I believe this was a factor for me too but I won't elaborate. Who knows what will happen but unfortunately life today is complex and chaotic and you may never see your ex again. And don't believe for one second that she doesn't think about you, or miss you. It is a human instinct. You were with each other for 3 years!!! But you have the right mindset, to believe there is no hope and carry on regardless. Nobody knows what the future holds but it really does seem like NC is the only way for you. I thought that my ex has completely forgotten about me but she contacted me last week (nothing major but still something). I think young women everywhere seem to go through this 'what else is out there/freedom' phase.
Author Mr. Noname Posted June 10, 2009 Author Posted June 10, 2009 The mother loved me, and she is very sad that her daughter dumped me... And maybe she miss me, who knows.. but she clearly said: I don't think about you very often, I'm moving on and I don't feel sad anymore. I accept it, and I don't want to think about maybe she is missing me, it's not helpful and only gives me false hope. See it this way, we were both very young, if you have your doubts about your relationship it's not smart to work things out. She wants to see other things in life, things that make her happier. And maybe I think the same over a period of time. I mean I'm a student and there are some many women, a bit ignorant to think I would never get another girl. We were both very young and she made her choice to experience life more and I should do the same.
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