JustWords Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I was a fool six months ago and it continually goes on... We "broke up" twice; however we were never officially "dating" The first time around, I didn't cry much and I went about my life. This time, it's been three weeks and I can feel, honestly feel myself falling apart inside. I feel the sadness which is absolutely overwhelming clouding my emotions. I have tried dating, and it doesn't work. I have no interest in anyone else. I have been out with wonderful men who are sincere and sweet. Who genuinely want to spend time with me, and I don't want to give anything towards them. I've been having dreams the past week that he calls. The dreams seem so real. Sometimes, I think my dreams and thoughts are true to life. Once it ended, I cut all communication options from existence. He has no way of contacting me, ever. I want so badly to pick up the phone and call him. I miss him dearly. Our story is long and confusing. A lot of mistakes were made, but not the type someone would typically think. Our break was for all the wrong reasons, but I just couldn't give anymore. I wish things could be different. I love him, so much.
Exit Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I know how you feel, I am 2 months in and only just now starting to recover bit by bit. I had dreams about her too and it was the worst feeling ever when I would wake up from a dream and could literally feel her slipping through my fingers as my eyes opened and I remembered that we weren't together anymore. It felt incredibly real, we were talking and laughing and then I woke up. It's perfectly normal that you can't "offer anything" emotionally to a new guy already. Going on dates is a good step in recovery but it sounds like you are getting out there too soon. Give yourself some time alone. I know the sadness is overwhelming. I know it clouds every single thought you have. The strangest things would remind me of her. Even having nice weather outside would kill me that I couldn't spend the day with her. You just have to believe that it will get better some day. You are taking a good step by eliminating all contact. I am certainly not "cured" and part of me still wants it to somehow work out, but it no longer dominates my every thought.
Author JustWords Posted June 11, 2009 Author Posted June 11, 2009 Some days are worse than others. However, lately it's been hitting harder as each day passes. There's an honest difference between walking around like a Zombie not knowing what's worse and then there's this. This horrible feeling that comes and goes. As much as I cannot stand the thought of this man, he genuinely took my heart. I have been heavily contemplating unblocking him from my phone and email, but I keep asking myself the benefits. I keep trying to remind myself of the bad things as well, but it's NOT working. I don't know what to do. I do not want to cave and let go, but I'm afraid I will. I've tried going on dates as I wrote in my first thread, but nothing works. It's as if I've shut down emotionally which is not like me at all and I cannot stress that enough. I went on a date last week with someone who was acquainted with one of his good friends girlfriends. Now, mind you, I was never dating this man for the duration of whatever it was we were doing, I don't even know what one would call it anymore. Anyway... this girl had the audacity to tell this guy I was going out with that she couldn't believe he was doing this to him, that it wasn't right, that I wasn't the girl for him. Basically, she said every terrible thing about me to get him to not go out with me. I don't know her motives, I don't know whether it had anything to do with my no longer friend / guy in my life. We were never dating, so... what the big deal? He didn't want a "label" but wanted me to act like his girlfriend. Yea right, no. Come to find, three dates in three weeks and I feel nothing. Not one ounce of care. Nothing. One guy even said he could see it in my face how hurt I was. That may be true, but really? It's not on display. I'm annoyed from all aspects of everything. My best friend of four years... he came to visit me this past weekend and I wanted him to leave immediately, he's been getting on my nerves and we haven't spoke for a couple days now which is unlike us. Basically, everything, no matter what it is, is having some sort of negative affect on me and I don't know what to do. I can't do this like this anymore. I'm generally a very happy person, but I'm becoming very stern and shut off.
Exit Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 It can be natural to guard your emotions after being hurt, but you don't want to let this develop into a permanent way of life. Again I feel like this is a sign that you are trying too much too soon. Don't bother dating people when you are still hurting. Some people like the boost of confidence it gives them but it is obviously not working for you. You may be trying to stop the grieving process too soon. If you want to feel hurt about it, let it hurt. Spend some time alone. Try to find a hobby or something to take up your time. I've been focusing on eating healthy and exercising, and at the very least, it gives me something else to think about. I had to go to the grocery store alone last night, first time I've gone alone since breaking up, and I thought it would kill me, but it wasn't bad. It helped to get out of the house. Are you sure blocking his calls and emails is making you feel better? I leave it up to fate. I have not "blocked" my ex in any way. If she decides she has something to say to me some day, I want to hear it. It gives you more of a reality check when your phone doesn't ring for 2 months because the person hasn't called, not because you blocked them. Blocking seems like a good idea but at the same time you just create a sense of wonder, maybe they DID call you and you'll never know. The breakup hurt me badly and I am still hurting but to me, blocking feels like a "bitter" action to take. There is no magic answer. It just sounds like you need more time. If you can't connect emotionally with people right now then stop trying to. Focus on yourself. Is there any goal in your life that you've been putting aside? I've wanted to get in shape for a long time but in my relationship I kept eating fast food and sitting around watching TV with her. Now I can finally pursue this goal again. Think of something that would make you happy.
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