sbw Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Me(21) and my ex gf(20) went out for a little over 3 1/2 years, and went through a lot of things that most young couples dont go through. We were supposed to have a child together after a year or so of being together, but she had a miscarridge. It was an extremely tought time in our lives and took some time to get over that fact of losing the baby. We also have matching tattoo's that are unique because she designed them herself, and brought up the idea to me. Since then we have had a rough time. I just thought that it was the normal arguements that all couples go through, but she apparently thought it was more. But recently her so called best friend broke up with her bf and this is when things started to change with my relationship. Her friend isn't the greatest girl; she fooled around while with her ex with more than one of my friends. She also lied to the police and stuck up for her bf when he hit both her and my gf. I showed up to fight him and he had a knife, so we just called the cops and he took off. She then lied to the cop and said that nothing happened, and didn't know where her bf went. Anyways, thats just a little background on the "best friend". So, her friend split up with her bf which I thought was a good thing because I always told her she needed to get rid of him and find a nice guy. Well she got rid of him, and now my gf got rid of me. I was never pushy, clingy, or overbearing while with her. I told her to go and hang out with her friends, but her friend would make plans with her and bail last minute, leaving my gf with no other choice besides hanging with me and my friends or in the house alone. So after her friend split with her bf, my gf then decided that she needs space to figure some things out. She has since then told people that she just wants to see if she will miss me, and has thrown me mixed signals about us for a while. I went to her and said either you want to be with me or not, there is no in between. She said that she wanted to make things work between us, and I thought that it would be alright. But she acted distant to me for the next week after that. I caught her lying about what she was doing, (which was going out with her friends in town) and I ended it because I felt that she was just having me hang aound so that I'm not with anyone else. She was scared of losing me to someone else, and didn't want this to be the end between us , but just didn't want to be tied down, or have to worry what she is doing or who she is with. She wanted to be friends and still talk while she figured out what it is that she wants, but I told her that I couldn't because it would be to hard for me to be around her knowing that she's not mine and I'm not hers anymore after everything that we went through. I ended the conversation, and thought that having no contact would work best to make her realize what we had together. It's has now been a little over a week since that conversation and she has texted me, but I have only written back once. She got upset when I didn't answer the texts and has since told me that "maybe we'll see each other some day". I dont know if I'm making the right move by doing the whole no contact deal. I want nothing more than to get back together with her, but am afraid that if I talk to her when she calls that I will become a safety net for her. She bought tickets to see Incubus in August for me and her, but I'm not sure if I should go. She also used to tell me that I should write a song for her(I play guitar), but I always said that I'm not good enough and dont even know where to start. But since this whole ordeal happened, me and my friends that I jam with have sat down and wrote a song for her and I was going to play it for her on her b-day. I was going to set everything up on her deck and have her sit in a chair up there with us, while everyone else is on the lawn. But now I'm not sure if I should do it. She has told me that one part of her says to just stop this and get together and get married, but another part is telling her that she doesn't think she loves me like that anymore. I just need some advice on what I should do to get her back(if its possible), should I go to the concert? Should I play her the song I made for her on her b-day?
juschilln Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 im actually in the exact situation myself didnt have that long of a relationship as u had but the same feelings are still there...we broke up about a month ago but still talked and sometimes seen each other it left me with false hope and i felt miserable after hanging up the phone. after getting on this cite the best decision was to go nc its been 3 days now she ended up textin me yesterday and called not too long ago i didnt respond. The one thing i realized with this nc thing is she will realize if she truly wants you back she will come runnin and then its up to u to decide what u want or you will move on with your head held high. Dont give in! then it will give her back the power of the whole situation. Dont become that safety net for her noone deserves that. if i were u i wouldnt go to the concert why? so u can be back at square one w her. i wouldnt play the song for her either she doesnt deserve the effort u put in to play it. my gf said the same thing to me as yours did to you about not loving me like that anymore. the best thing to do is have nc have her live without your presence and she may or may not realize what she had but you can only control yourself...
boogieboy Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Yeah its a classic situation of she wants to control you. She will tell you all kinds of things to keep you hanging on. Its all for her ego and nothing else. So you keep NC going. If she wants to get back with you, she will show up at your door. But you have to keep NC up while the breakup is still fresh. But most likely, since she broke it off and is trying to hang you on a string. She is going out with her friends to try and see if she wants to try new guys most likely. Trash the song you were writing for her, youre not going to use it. Forget the concert. Now when you ignore her, she has to work to get YOUR attention back. It will really hit her hard when you dont respond to her. She has to miss you to figure out her own thoughts. Dont count on her coming back. Use the NC to get yourself together so you can move on. Dont give in!
Author sbw Posted June 17, 2009 Author Posted June 17, 2009 So, me and her have since sat down and talked about things going on with the two of us. We have both agreed that we do need some time apart from each other, and possibly meet other people. Now, I'm not saying that I want to go out and sleep with other women, because I'm still in love with her and have a hard time not thinking about her. But I still enjoy going out and talking with people and flirting, harmless innocent fun. She has given me some mixed signals about her intentions, and I'm having a hard time reading her. We are going to give it a month or so without contact with each other to kind of do our own thing and not have to worry about what one another is doing. She just so happens to be going on a 1 week cruise with her best friend(female), both 21. My ex, is not the type to party all the time, or be the life of the party, or hook up with random people, as far as I know. We both agreed to keep what happens while on the break to ourselves. But, here's what I'm trying to get at. If she were to sleep with someone either on this cruise or some guy she meets at a bar, does that say that she doesn't love me? or that she wants to move on, or is it something she just needed to get out of her system?
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