BearPower Posted June 14, 2009 Share Posted June 14, 2009 Tell him 'that's so weird!, I was about to call you as I couldnt make it anyway. I have another friends party. just as well! hope you feel better soon'' If you stay in NC he will know he has got to you....dont let him turn the tables around Link to post Share on other sites
Jdw_Icequeen Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 I like soulbears idea.. I know it hurts alot but you know you got alot farther with him than many ppl with there exs. Don't let him get you down. The positive side is he contacted you the ball is in your court. I don't like adding to false hope. I can only go with my gut on these things. I do think he will most likley try to contact you again. Than you will struggle again with your emotions and how to deal with it. He might very well be sick. Try to think more positive on whichever road you take. Its hard not to wallow in what they have done to us. Today I want to forgive. I want to let my anger go and watch the pain follow. Even though you broke up with him I am sure he did his share of hurtful things. Breakups are like that. The hardest thing is to know when NOT to throw in the towel and to know when to fold your cards. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluewolf17 Posted June 15, 2009 Author Share Posted June 15, 2009 Uh. What a crappy day. I did finally respond. I said "that's okay, I fell down some icy steps and can't make it anyways. inside note (when we first started talking, we planned a first date. I was so nervous, I made up a excuse to cancel-that I fell down my icy front steps. We later laughed about it, as he was nervous too). He texted me back, "Ha ha, Classic Bluewolf17" Sigh. I am sure he will contact me again too. Thanks guys. I appreciate all the advice. Link to post Share on other sites
hopefulInFuture Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 Bluewolf, hon, I think there's one thing you don't understand about NC. I don't think it's about making him know that you are doing better without him so that he keeps thinking about what he's lost and he's running after you. It's about taking the time to heal yourself. You shouldn't be using this time for pondering about what he's doing or not doing or what could have been. You should be using this time to work on yourself so that you can be happier. No single person needs anyone else to be happy. It should come from within yourself. I understand that the timing is bad for you but you should still continue doing what makes you happy. You should take up new, complicated things that make you think or work so hard that you even forget about him while you are doing this. Don't make his actions spoil your days. Now, the thing is that you broke up with him. He has all the reasons for wondering whether he wants you back. It's not easy to accept back a person who did this to you because you will always wonder when it will happen next. Will it happen when you need them the most? This does not mean you will never get back together. Rather, accept that it might never happen. But think that you once loved this person for a reason. i don't know whether he did any wrongful things on you while you were in a relationship. My ex lied and cheated on me, so this for me is a no friendship situation. I will never forget this. But the point I am trying to make is that you should forgive and move on. Take out all the hurt you have inside and smile to yourself and say that you have broke up for a reason and as much as you love him, he's not your life, you will always love him but you have your life to live and maybe, someday, he'll be part of your life again... but don't wait... live, live, live... Once you're doing better and are happier, he will want you more. People are selfish, they all want a nice, smiling, happy girl/boy friends that exude hilarity out of all their pores Take care of yourself Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluewolf17 Posted June 15, 2009 Author Share Posted June 15, 2009 Hopeinthefuture-Thank you for your kind words. When I first did NC, it helped a lot. I have a very busy life, so I had little time to be that sad. I am not sure if I am ready to go into NC again just yet. I guess I want to see what he wants. JDIcequeen-Are you [FONT=Arial]psychic? He texted me later that evening, asking if we could re-schedule. [/FONT] [FONT=Arial][/FONT] [FONT=Arial]But I have to let go. I see that me trying and hoping will establish nothing. I just have to really move on, and not worry if he will be together again or not. I should at least be happy knowing the break up is hard for him too. And it's not like there was any cheating, or one of us jumped into a re-bound relationship. It was just a break up. They happen everyday. We are just two humans, making mistakes, and trying to do the right thing. I have accepted my mistakes, and he has told me he acknowledges his. As hard as it is, I just have to pick up and move on. I am tired of being disapointed, and the only reason I can still be disapointed by him, is by having expectations. I am letting those go. [/FONT] [FONT=Arial][/FONT] Link to post Share on other sites
CaliGuy Posted June 15, 2009 Share Posted June 15, 2009 OK why the hell would he invite Blue to the BBQ if he didnt want her there...if there wasnt something there.... I think you should go Blue, if your strong enough. Go. I know you always want to see the positive in people, but remember where you were and how you got here. The reason I stated she should not go to the BBQ because it was TOO MUCH, TOO SOON. Obviously, after reading through the post, her Ex feels the same way. You can not just rush back into things when a reconcilliation is possible. You have to treat your Ex like a new person, a new date. Someone you don't know. "Relationships that start off like a rocket are sure to come DOWN just as fast." Okay LS. I wasn't even going to post, but what the hell. Not posting isn't going to make it go away. I woke up all excited. Woke up too early, at 8 am. Made myself go back to sleep to pass the time. I woke up at noon, and had a text from him "Hey. I am so sick. I feel like crap. I was shaking all night. I might not make it to the bbq". That is all. I DID NOT respond. It is so fudgin obvious that he isn't really sick. He doesn't want me to go. For whatever reason, he asked to see me, invited me to this damn thing, then made up a excuse. I am not in denial that he's not really sick. I know he isn't. I am emberrased, and angry, and mad, and upset. I have been crying all morning. I can't beleive what a fool I have been, beleiving he might still want me. I thought I was stronger. I won't have a reconciliation story for you guys, I am sorry to say. I won't reply, I won't reply. He didn't even bother to call me. I am done. I have given up. My heart is so destroyed. I feel like a piece of garbage. I got my hopes up, and I was wrong to do so. Everyone here was right. He didn't come breaking down my down. He hasn't said anything diffrent. I will go back to NC. You might have a reconcilliation story but not if things progress fast. If he really wants to be with you, he will be. My question to you, Blue, is why do you continue to make this guy a priority when he only sees you as an option? You need to make yourself the prize and not him, to be honest.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluewolf17 Posted June 15, 2009 Author Share Posted June 15, 2009 "Blue, is why do you continue to make this guy a priority when he only sees you as an option?" Caliguy-Good question. I guess only inwardly, do I make him a priority. Outwardly I don't...meaning I wait to respond, I HAVE NOT called him, or texted him first. I only ever reply if he contacts me first. And I don't always reply. But all that doesn't matter, if inside I am fighting of tears, and thinking that too much time has passed Your right. I have to be the same person he fell in love with, not the needy sad girl I am now. He always told me what he loved about me so much was how independant I was. I had lots of girlfriends, lots of plans, trips, etc. Even when we dated, I was often aloof. He always called me and tracked me down. AND HE LIKED IT. I was his "catch" and he often told me this. But I am not that anymore. Thank god for LS. You guys don't let me get away with anything! Link to post Share on other sites
Jdw_Icequeen Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 I wouldn't say psychic.. lol. I have always been better at others lives then my own. Just intuition and following the guide of a person. Can help alot. The best thing for all of us really is to let go. Completley let go. Even if that means you still love them even if you have hopes for the future. Fate always brings us to where we need to be. Yes I beleive in those sort of things. I don't think you should go into nc. I think you should see what he wants. All in all you can look for closure. Unfortunatly,closure can come in many forms. It can be somthing they say that really hurts us or just somthing to make us realize the final result. Hopefully he won't be like some people and hurt you because he can. Whatever the outcome. I think it will be positive. Even if it seems to hurt more at first. From my ex it was nothing but negative and hurtful and I, on my own have to realize he is the idiot. I still have trouble completley letting go. Yet, I have no idea what is left to hold on to. I think it really comes down to being lonley for me. After you hear what he wants, you only have a few paths. He might just want closure as well. Perhaps he wants to be friends, of course you have to decide if thats even possible for you. It probably isn't what you are prepared to offer right now. He needs to respect that. There is always the last option to reconcile. I definetly wouldn't rush into it, if it seems like this is an option. Try to find somthing new to build on. Love, J Link to post Share on other sites
Jdw_Icequeen Posted June 16, 2009 Share Posted June 16, 2009 ps. did u get my pm blue ? i don't know if i did it right. Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluewolf17 Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 Okay LS. Here is a litle update. After some thought, I realized how much I was letting TB get to me. And maybe I still am. We broke up, it happens. If we are going to get back together, we will, but it won't be because I force it. On Sunday, the same day he canceled, he texted later that day,asking if we could reschedule. On Monday, he texted me telling me how sick he was. That night, he emailed me, asking if we could get together once he was feeling better, and if he could me later. Today I stayed home sick with a Migraine. He called around 11am. It was actually a really good conversation. We just kept it light. He made a few jokes about "my new boyfriend" this, or "don't bring your new boyfriend to the date". I never confirmed, or denied any boyfriend, I just laughed. He was really flirtatious, and seemed really interested in what I had to say. I didn't tell him much about what has gone on, I just kept it light. He asked if he could take me out tommorow, and pick me up at 6:30. I said okay. He joked about coming over to my new place. He has never seen it, and I only live 9 blocks from him. His joke was he would come over more if I didn't hate him, and if my roomates didn't hate him. I asked why he would want to come hang out with his ex anyways..and he just laughed it off. On the same token, he made a comment about why I stopped talking to him. (it was because he told me he didn't want to get back together rightnow). He said I was just being "a girl" about everything. I didn't want to get into them. I figured we would talk it over in person anyways. So thats all, we are meeting up tommorow. I am starting to realize a few things here. I do love him, but any sort of good reconciliation will be a slow one. I think we are heading that way. I also think I had so emotions involved with the break up at first, that NC was the right thing for me. Now I am ready to handle discussing everything. I also think I am a ready to handle if it doesn't head in that direction. I will update tommorow after our meeting. Link to post Share on other sites
Graduate Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Hi Bluewolf, I am following your story story as it gives me some hope. So thanks for updating us and keep us posted! Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluewolf17 Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 Sorry if my updates are getting out of control. This is like my own little diary. I went to the grocery store today and got a text from TB. He asked how I was feeling, if my migraine went away. He said he still is sick. I told him I was at the grocery store, and he asked me if I could bring him medicine and soup. My first thought was, this guy is totally milking it. I sent him a text saying "poor baby". He responded he didn't mean to be a pest, but could I please bring him somthing.... so I did. I came over and brough him soup and medicene.He was waiting at the front door, and seemed really happy to see me. He then said he saw somthing on TV that he recorded. He said it would blow my mind. It was just this little inside joke we had about "saved by the bell". So I told him I would watch it, but then I would have to go, as I had ice cream melting in my car. Then after the show, he told me just to bring everything in, and put it in his fridge. We then went out on his back porch and just chatted for awhile. Still nothing serious, but he was definetly flirting. After about 20 minutes I got up to leave. He asked if we could still go out tommorow, and I said yes. So there you have it. Trying not to get hopes up. Link to post Share on other sites
NopeNah Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Trying not to get hopes up. TOO late! Link to post Share on other sites
LadyV Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Wow Blue...I just caught up with what's been going on. I haven't been able to read/post in over a week... How do you feel now? Are you going to go back to NC? I can't imagine what it must be putting you through...as some mentioned here though, it is a risk...a risk that you will take if you decided to go down that road.... I just wanted to check in on you...Today is 44 days NC. But, I have receved 2 forwards....WHATEVER. I'm not replying. Just going to keep things that way....I am better off... Please let us know how you are doing!!! Hugs!!! LadyV Link to post Share on other sites
fabulous_chk Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 You are so strong LadyV! I am trying to initiate an NC again, this time it's harder to do because of my ex's need for comfort, but I have to do NC or I will go insane lol! Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluewolf17 Posted June 17, 2009 Author Share Posted June 17, 2009 Hi all, Hi Lady V-Wow! Good for you! Two forwards now? I thought it was just the one.. I am doing really good! I don't feel miserable anymore. I have no plans to go back to NC, honestly, I don't see a reason too. The ex is picking me up at 6:30 and we are going out to dinner. I don't know if you read this whole thread, but he got back in contact with me after about 3 weeks of NC, and he seems to have missed me..I don't know where it's headed just yet. We spent some time together yesterday and it was really good. At the same time, I truly beleive things will work out for the best. It was a strange thing seeing him. I was across the porch from him, chatting it up, and I just looked at him and thought "this little guy was causing all my pain?" At the time, I just didn't see it, and I still don't. We just broke up, and it happens. I spent so much time blaming myself, and I realize now that we were both involved. I would like to give us another go, and I think he might too. And that's not going to happen with NC. I am more in LC. I guess I am just waiting to see where this go. We haven't really had a chance to have "the talk" and I think that's coming tonight. I will let everyone know! Link to post Share on other sites
hopefulInFuture Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 keep us updated . best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
LadyV Posted June 17, 2009 Share Posted June 17, 2009 Blue, I wish you both the best of luck... I think it's great when there are two people wanting to work it out....You actually have a shot at it then, if both of you are ready for it. It does sound like he misses you...I know I gave my XBF, 2 chances...we actually got back together 2 times, but in the end, I just ended up hurt because his fear of commitment got the best of him and he walked away, and is now totally involved with this other woman. It's fine, I don't think about him nearly as much as I used to....Since he's sending me FWD's to my work email, I unblocked his number. I haven't gotten into contact with him. I am confident and feel strong enough to know that if he does text me, I will igrnore it. I've ignored the emails, and honestly, I dought I will hear from him via text. I don't jump when the phone rings anymore, nor do I have the temptation to talk to him. My life is getting better every day and it feels wonderful to be moving past it all....You know the saying, when God closes one door, he opens another. Don't get me wrong, there are some moments when I think about him, but I have related those moments to feeling bad and I am reminded of the way the situation made me feel. Yes, please keep us posted...I will be looking forward to the alert I get once you post to this tread...Keep your heart on guard girl!!! K? Take care.... Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluewolf17 Posted June 18, 2009 Author Share Posted June 18, 2009 Okay, Here is the update. TB and I hung out yesterday. He called me, and we just chatted like normal and he seemed really excited to see me. I came over, and his roomate Jeff and his girlfriend were hungry, so TB and I went and got Thai food to go, then we all hung out and ate and had some beers. Actually, we didn't really get much alone time except in the car. Overall, things went well. It wasn't awkward, it was fun. We talked about what has been going on in our lives. TB mentioned he had been checking up on my Facebook and saw new pics my friends had taken of me (professional photos) and he told me how sexy I looked, etc. He brought up a lot of things that he thought I would be interested in, or reminded him of me. Again, we didn't really get into anything deep. It was pretty light. I'm not disapointed that we didn't have a big talk or anything. In fact, once I was with him, I was glad to just relax and have fun. I called it a early night around 10:30. He texted me once I got home, and that was it. We didn't make further plans, but that's not suprising. I can't tell you for certain was is going on. All I know is we had a really good time, and laughed a lot. It's going to be slow going if we reconcile, and that makes sense. I did break up with him, and we have been very on and off after the break up. He told me he was very confused by my NC. I don't know if that's what he wants or not, but time will tell that. As far as MY feelings go, I am okay. I'm not crying, or lonely, or back to where I was before. I am definetly in a better place after my two bouts of NC. I'm happy knowing we can get together, and laugh at our old inside jokes, and share new ones. I am happy that his roomates seemed to welcome me back, and it wasn't awkward. I am not saying that I felt no disapointment. I did a little, you always want some big fireworks moment where they confess their love, and all the hurt is automatically gone. I think Tony is testing me, in a way. He is seeing if we could be together. I don't think he wants to be just friends. So I am not going to do what I did the last time, which is pretend to be all happy with how things are going, then explode on him with the why's and how could you's, then drop off the face of the earth again. I will continue to come here and read storys, and try to understand everthing, and help as much as I can. Lots of love to everyone. Bluewolf17 Link to post Share on other sites
Graduate Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 Thank you for the update. It sounds like you had a good time and might be headed in the right direction. Keep us posted and best of luck with whatever happens! Link to post Share on other sites
jqb05443 Posted June 18, 2009 Share Posted June 18, 2009 Hey Blue I have been following your story for awhile now and I can't even begin to tell you how much your story sounds like mine. Except that he left me : ( From LC to show tickets I mean our stories have been pretty similar. I am having a hard time with NC and have had no luck with it since we broke up. I give you credit for doing it for three weeks. I must say that it seems like you guys are heading in the right direction. It seems like he is def testing you and if there is going to be a reconciliation he wants it to be slow. I saw my ex last about 2 weeks ago. When I made the fatal error of giving him a card with a letter inside just pouring my heart out and telling him how much I love him and wanted him back. He said he couldn't give me an answer and that he wanted to think about while I went away on vacation which I just returned on Tuesday. He told me that he was still talking to me and hanging out with me (which was not often, we have seen eachother 4 times since our break up, today is 2 months) because he wanted to see how things went between us. He said that if we were to get back together he wanted it to happen on its own. That's why I am assuming that your ex probably is going with that mentality. But I will be following your story so please keep up with the updates. I would go into detail about my story but I don't want to hijack your thread. All i have to say is that I am hurting everyday. Its two months today since our break up, we were together 3.5 years and I still cry everyday. Ugghhh Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluewolf17 Posted June 18, 2009 Author Share Posted June 18, 2009 jqb05443 Don't worry about hijacking my thread. I haven't see that you posted your story, do you have a link? I would love to read it. I'm sorry for your pain. For me, the NC was a horrible/good thing. It was painful. Everyday I would look at my phone and hope. I would check my emails, but it gets better. The biggest benefit of NC is that it keeps you from doing further damage (like pressuring him) and it gives them a chance to really miss you. LC is very diffrent from NC. With NC, they know they won't hear from you or see you. It almost makes them a little desperate, I tihnk. With LC, they know they can pick up the phone and call you. So you really have to be careful, because it's easy to get hurt, and stay hurt longer in LC. My best advice to you is to stop telling him what he already knows (If you are still doing that). He knows! You told him. My ex told me he wanted any reconcilation to happen "organically" (this was about two months ago). I never listed. I pushed and pushed. I called and texted. I would be okay for a date or two, then I would force questions on him, and never had a good result. Honestly, the best results I have gotten is from NC. That's when he pursued me! It sounds like you might still have somthing with him as well. I am assuming neither of you are dating anyone else. Hang in there. It's so hard getting through the day when they don't call, but any good chance of getting back together, and it lasting is by being patient, being fun, and showing them what they are missing! I would love to call him right now, and I am sure he would answer, but I won't. I will wait for him to get in contact with me, even if its another 3 weeks! Keep me posted on your progress as well. Bluewolf17 Link to post Share on other sites
jqb05443 Posted June 19, 2009 Share Posted June 19, 2009 Hey Blue thanks for your advice. I see that you replied to my old thread. When I got back from vacation of course me who is horrible at NC called him and left him a message on Tuesday night and he never returned my call. I text him Wednesday morning saying that i never heard back from him and that i know where he stands. i told him that i am finally ready to say goodbye and move on with my life and that i appreciate him being patient with me during our break up. He text me back an hour later saying that he would call me later. He did call me yesterday and we spoke for about 10 mins. He was basically asking me how my trip went and i asked him how his week was which he said was boring. He told me that he was about to go play poker at his friends house and that he would call me today. Well its 8 and I have yet to hear from him. And I don't plan on calling him or texting him anymore. If I don't hear from today (i know he is home because i saw him playing poker online about an hour ago) I think I am going to have to go NC for good. If he calls me should I call him back or just begin my NC? Any advice would be great. Thanks again Blue. Have you heard from your ex since you hung out yesterday? Link to post Share on other sites
Author bluewolf17 Posted June 19, 2009 Author Share Posted June 19, 2009 Hmm. My advice is that you are being way to available. People want what they can't have. I know it's hard now. The pain is still fresh, but you have to let go of the idea that you have to talk to him now. Trust me, it can wait. He won't forget about you if you don't call for a week or two. It was 3.5 years. Don't you want him to call you? To text you? He knows you are there waiting around for him, so don't. I am not trying to be mean, really really I'm not. I just learned from experience. Let him wonder what you are up to, and where you are. I say let him contact you first, and even then, wait a day or two to reply. Leave him guessing lady! As far as my ex, I haven't heard from him since we saw eachother last night. He texted me goodnight when I got home. I really wanted to call, just to say I had a good time..but again, I won't. We both know we had a good time, no need to say it! He will contact me again. Stay busy, okay! Link to post Share on other sites
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