bluewolf17 Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 So...I know some of you know my story. My ex and I broke up in end of Feb. We talked for a bit, then I went NC once he told me he didn't want me back. It's been a little over three weeks. Last week, he sent me a text saying he hoped I was doing great, he saw my car, blah blah. I was strong, I didn't reply. Three days later he texted asking if he could come get the canoe I had bought him for Christmas. It has been sitting at my parents house since then. I finally responded, saying "of course. You know where it is". He knows that that I wouldn't go meet up with him at my folks. They still like him a lot, and he can just go pick it up, even if no ones home. People on LS said not to take it serious, don't respond..he's just fishing. It hurt, but I knew that was right. If he wanted me, wouldn't he call? I think so. But I also know him, and know how he is. He is testing my waters. Another thing is, I do want him back. I AM THE ONE WHO messed up. Of course, everyone makes mistakes over time, but I did make a big mistake (no cheating, but I dumped him, and hurt him bad, and realized my mistake a few days later. He didn't want me back). So today, I got a text from him (5 days since his last text). It just said "Do you maybe want to meet up this week?" AND I logged onto my Facebook, and he friend requested me. (I had deleted him, and then blocked him, but then I unblocked him...) Uh...I haven't responded. Of course I want to see him. I miss him so much. I want him back. I am really happy he wants to see me..but I am doing so good! Getting over him is hard. I know I can get over him, I also know I still love and miss him. Thoughts? Should I just meet up with him and see what happens? I know he isn't dating anyone, and neither and I. So he can't hurt me there. Give it to me LS. Bluewolf17
westrock Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Uh...I haven't responded. Of course I want to see him. I miss him so much. I want him back. I am really happy he wants to see me..but I am doing so good! Getting over him is hard. I know I can get over him, I also know I still love and miss him. You say you're the one who messed up and now you want him back. Now, he's asking to meet up with you. What are you waiting for? If you want him back as you say, here's your chance. Ignoring him at this point is sending him the signal that you are not interested.
TheBigCow Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Well you just have to ask yourself one question really, is it worth the risk? Is it worth risking your recovery for a chance to be with him.. if so do it! It sounds to me as though this is the case. But if you think maybe you're just lonely and is a mistake ect ect.. at least sit on it for a while.
SweetyBear Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I've never heard your whole story, but it seems so similar to mine. Your story actually gives me hope that one day my ex will contact me too. Anyway, I understand your dilemma. I remember the roller coaster of emotions I was on at first and truth be told still am because, for me, this is only day five of total NC. I think five days ago I finally gave up hope that he would contact me and miss me and want to be with me again. He told me that I had never had any faith in him or our relationship and that's why I broke up with him. He doesn't completely close the door and say he doesn't want me, but he says is clearly by not making any plans to talk to me. Anyway, I get how in another 10-20 days of no contact, which is what you've had, if he said he wanted to meet up I'd be scared of losing whatever progress I've made in accepting and moving on. I'd wonder all of his motives and whether he really wanted me back or if he had finally just got over the hurt and missed me. I think I would meet with him, though, to hear what he has to say because if not, I'd spend the rest of my life wondering what it was. I wish you peace in whatever decision you make. I know how crazy the emotions are when you realize you threw it all away and just want him back and then the shred of normalcy you feel when you start to live without him again. Seriously, peace to you in whatever you decide.
TheBigCow Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 One more thing to consider - it won't be the same. I actually went through breakup with my ex 3 years ago and we got back together through something like this about 2 months later. Our relationship was not the same, the pain changes you and it also means you cannot see the person in exactly the same light you used to. But those final 3 years were the best, our relationship was much better and happier.. so it can be good.. but I'm sure it can be bad.. but it WILL be different.
NiceGuy4Ever Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Well I say you have to ask yourself "Is this what you really want?" Your heart my say yes but don't automatically go with it. Think about it and come up with your decision. Another things is like most of the people have said it will Change! The relationship won't be the same because you hurt him. Yet from what you tell me you should go for it if that will truly make you happy.
Jdw_Icequeen Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I beleive I did say that he was testing the waters by sending you that txt. I also said you would hear from him again. No matter what anyone said I told you to follow your heart. I think we know what your heart is saying. Yes your doing great!!! But you messed up, you want him back. You know what you could be risking getting hurt. How are you going to feel down the line when you have ignored his every attempt to try to get back into your life wondering what could have been??? IF you guys don't reconcile you may get closure. OR if you guys become "FRIENDS" you have more of a chance to reconcile.. DO IT!!!! TAKE THE RISK! LOVE IS WORTH FIGHTING FOR! Love, J
Graduate Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 You love him, you want him back, you broke up with him, he asks to see you. Sounds to me like the perfect scenario from your point of view. I'd reply with something like 'What did you have in mind?' to gauge what he is looking for exactly, but it definitely sounds like he wants to reconnect. Of course, he might just want to see if you are still interested in him because your NC confused him. But you have to decide whether that's a risk you are willing to take. I would. Good luck!
Author bluewolf17 Posted June 8, 2009 Author Posted June 8, 2009 Hi all. THANK YOU for all of your responses! I did respond yesterday. Actually, he sent another text, after I didn't respond to the first. It said "I am so sorry for bothering u. I will respect your wishes). ??? Anyways, I told him my phone had been off (little white lie) but how about meeting up for coffee. He said okay, that would be great. I think I am going to take the risk, giving my situation. I only went NC because it was so hard seeing him. It was only after he had said he wasn't ready to get back together that I went NC. Maybe the 3 weeks of NC made him change his tune..I don't know. At the least, I will get some closure from him. I will be sure to let you all know! Bluewolf17
TheBigCow Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Don't mean to get your hopes up or anything... but it seriously sound like he misses you ALOT. I really hope it works out
Author bluewolf17 Posted June 11, 2009 Author Posted June 11, 2009 [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2][/sIZE][/FONT] [FONT=Arial][sIZE=2]So my TB contacted me via text yesterday, asking me which day worked best for me. I told him Sunday (because I have one hell of a weekend planned). He said Sunday worked for him too. Then today I got a Facebook private message from him. Telling me basically his weekend itinerary: Today finish his final paper, tomorrow go to his cousins college graduation, Saturday come back and go out with the guys, and Sunday me. Then he tells me he will talk to me soon, and he ends with "PS-please don't bring your new boyfriend on Sunday, HA HA HA" Ha ha indeed. I replied and said congrats to his cousin, and that I was very proud of his cousin (we were close). I then said good luck on your finals, see you Sunday). Short, but sweet, I guess. So Sunday is the big day everyone. We will find out if my NC worked at all, or if he just wants to catch up. I honestly don't know. I was very clear I didn't want to be friends, and I was very clear last we spoke, that I needed to move on if he didn't want to work it out. I am TRYING not to imagine what's going to happen on Sunday, but I can't help but hope he might want me back, and I can't help but be afraid that he doesn't. I can tell you one thing: if this "talk" is just a catch up/nothings changed meeting. I will go back to NC completely unless I get a frantic phone call begging for me back. I won't do this to myself any longer. But I do love him, miss him, and want him back, so I will risk it, and meet with him. It might be a bad idea, it might be good, but I am taking the risk. I feel it deserves one last shot; especially since it's all his idea. Please send good vibes everyone! I swear I will let you know how it all goes down. [/sIZE][/FONT]
TheBigCow Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 I fully support you giving this one more shot. Will be hoping the best for you :)
Author bluewolf17 Posted June 14, 2009 Author Posted June 14, 2009 Things just keep getting weirder. So TB texted me today. He wanted to make sure we were still on to meet up tommorow for coffee. I replied "yes". Then he tells me, his cousin (who just graduated college) is having a BBQ tommorow, and he asked me to come. He asked me to come to his familys BBQ?? My ex? Strange, strange strange. Can't help but think that's a good sign? I mean, why would he want me hanging around his family, who knows we broke up. Tommorow is the big day. I'm getting nervous. Will post more...
CaliGuy Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 I would decline the BBQ. Too much, too soon -- too little answers.
Gottabestrong Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 I would decline the BBQ. Too much, too soon -- too little answers. I second CaliGuy, Better to take it slow and meet one-on-one for now. Imagine you see his family again, have a really great time and then he tells you he doesn't want to reconcile. I would feel stupid for ever coming to his family BBQ.
BearPower Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 OK why the hell would he invite Blue to the BBQ if he didnt want her there...if there wasnt something there.... I think you should go Blue, if your strong enough. Go.
BearPower Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 Just reading over all this...it sounds like he knows what he has done. He misses you and wants to see where things go. If you dont want him back then dont play any more games. Cut each other out. If you do, then for goodness sake, GRAB oportunities when they arise. YES be reserved, YES be careful.
Nikki Sahagin Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 So the first time you will see him again is in a group setting, or am I mistaken? Have you met up with him one on one or this will be the first meeting? If it will be the first, I wonder how comfortable you will feel at the BBQ when you don't know where you stand? It does sound very intimate for a first meeting.
TheBigCow Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 I also say no to the BBQ (assuming the same as Nikki). You need to know where he stands and by the sounds of it he needs to know where you stand. Don't let a lack of communication ruin chances of this working.
Jdw_Icequeen Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 He wouldnt have invited you if he didn't miss you. I think its more than obvious. Not knowing where you 2 stand will definetly make things uncomfortable. I have a feeling you probably want to go. I think only you know what is too much to soon for you. If you were to go. I think perhaps you tell him you have somthing to do but can be there later. Show up near the end of the bbq. That way you don't have to stick out what COULD BE an uncomfortable situation for too long. Or you can come at the beginning and say you have some other plans. Its not a game, its just a way to escape if you have too. I would make an appearance, mine would just be short. Bring his cousin a card or somthing. Get some food and retreat. Love, J
Author bluewolf17 Posted June 14, 2009 Author Posted June 14, 2009 Okay LS. I wasn't even going to post, but what the hell. Not posting isn't going to make it go away. I woke up all excited. Woke up too early, at 8 am. Made myself go back to sleep to pass the time. I woke up at noon, and had a text from him "Hey. I am so sick. I feel like crap. I was shaking all night. I might not make it to the bbq". That is all. I DID NOT respond. It is so fudgin obvious that he isn't really sick. He doesn't want me to go. For whatever reason, he asked to see me, invited me to this damn thing, then made up a excuse. I am not in denial that he's not really sick. I know he isn't. I am emberrased, and angry, and mad, and upset. I have been crying all morning. I can't beleive what a fool I have been, beleiving he might still want me. I thought I was stronger. I won't have a reconciliation story for you guys, I am sorry to say. I won't reply, I won't reply. He didn't even bother to call me. I am done. I have given up. My heart is so destroyed. I feel like a piece of garbage. I got my hopes up, and I was wrong to do so. Everyone here was right. He didn't come breaking down my down. He hasn't said anything diffrent. I will go back to NC.
SweetyBear Posted June 14, 2009 Posted June 14, 2009 YOU ARE NOT PATHETIC. He told you something and you believed it. That's all it was. I'm sorry he did not follow through. I know your pain because my ex has stood me up three times since our breakup even though he has said he wants to sit down and talk it over. At least you got a text and didn't end up contacting him continuously like I did when he just didn't show or worse yet shown up at the bbq and he wasn't there. You don't deserve the treatment he gave you at all. I have so wanted to contact my ex today. Even though hours ago I was sure I was doing the right thing by letting him have his space and just waiting for him (if it's ever going to happen) due to everybody's advice on here, I still deep down wanted to just call and give a heads up like here I am, alive and well and still ready to talk. I'm glad i read your post before I actually did it.
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