blahbob Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 I first posted on this site over 7 years ago trying to save my relationship with my ex when I was 20 and she was 19. We broke up months later but still said we loved each other, and she wanted to remain friends. I cut contact with her for 4 months until I figured out my own flaws, and then I tried to regain her friendship. But she decided she wasn’t ready for friendship, felt angry, and never wanted romance between us again, so we kept our distance. Links to my previous posts for reference: [COLOR=#660000]http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t49514/[/COLOR] [COLOR=#660000]http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t50149/[/COLOR] Fast forward to 4 months ago when I joined Facebook. Guess who friend requested me a week later? My ex without a message. This was the only contact that we've had in 7 years, besides one catch up email 2 years ago. We don't share any mutual friends, so she must have been looking for me. I questioned the request and wondered what there was to gain for either of us. But my curiosity got the better of me, and I accepted the request a couple days later. Now realize this is a girl that I was completely in love with and have never stopped loving after all these years. I've dated plenty of other girls over the years, including two that I felt love for but nothing close to what I felt for this girl. Call it first love syndrome or whatever you like, but sometimes those feelings never go away. I figured I didn't want to spend the rest of my life wondering 'what if' if I chose to deny her attempt to 'contact' me, especially now that I'm single. Well, the first thing I noticed was that she most likely had a bf from the messages on her Facebook profile. Okay, no big deal or surprise. I sent her a message over a month later to see how things were and test the waters. She responded and we exchanged a couple messages over the next month until she gave me her number to catch up. I called her a couple weeks later and left a message with my number. Also, I noticed the bf related messages and possible bf were deleted from her Facebook profile. Now it's almost 2 months later and no response. I sent one more message to see what was up and ask if she was uncomfortable talking after all this time a couple weeks ago and still no response. Why would she say that she wants to talk and then ignore me? Oh how I loathe these social networking sites, hence the reason it took me so long to join in the first place. Now I'm considering deleting her from my friends because being only her Facebook 'friend' isn't something I aspire to be, and I don't want her keeping tabs on me and my life. It's obvious we can never be 'just friends', but I already knew that. Having access to her profile is more of an annoyance than anything, because of course I'm tempted to view it, which only makes me think about her more while gaining nothing. At this point I'd rather just have some sort of closure and be done with it. That's hard to come by when you can't communicate. Any ideas on how to achieve closure? The only thing I've found that will help suppress the thoughts of my ex is a relationship with someone else. When that relationship ends, the thoughts of the ex come flooding back in. I don't consider her 'the one' because there are so many women and possibilities out there...she's a 'possible one' of many. So now I guess it's on to the next one for me. I was thinking of sending her one last message asking why she would look for me on Facebook and say that she wanted to talk if she was just planning to ignore me. Should I even bother sending that, or just delete her for good?
NiceGuy4Ever Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Females are the most intricate, enigmatic, and convoluted puzzles ever to be created and the worst part of it is each one is a different puzzle. I guess she might have had some kind of revival of feelings for you and it got to the point of contacting you but later after a while I guess she regretted it and stopped answering you because I guess she feels she made a mistake. Don't message her back, that won't be good for either of you. Love comes and goes and it seems you never really let go. I know how you feel because I've been in that situation but just let it go. It's no use killing yourself over with her in your thoughts when she might not have you in her's at all. Hope this helps.
Montclair0011 Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 You can't possibly know what is going on with her. I'm guessing that she's upset about breaking up with the FB guy. But you don't know so don't fill in the blanks. Instead, why not send her an honest email. It's been 7 years and it's not like you have been pinning away for her. You have had a life. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You remember her fondly and HER ASKING YOU to FB made you wonder if it might have a chance yet. You are clearly no stalker. Why not drop her a line and tell her how you feel (not making it sound needy or begging, of course--it needs to be well-crafted). Let her know that since she has not responded you are guessing that she does not want to speak and that's fine but you'd like to hear her side before closing the final chapter in the book and riding off into the sunset. If you don't at least ask, you will never know. What do you have to loose? It's been 7 years and you are basically over her enough that if she rejects you it's not going to cause major heartbreak, right?
sunshinegirl Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 You can't possibly know what is going on with her. I'm guessing that she's upset about breaking up with the FB guy. But you don't know so don't fill in the blanks. Instead, why not send her an honest email. It's been 7 years and it's not like you have been pinning away for her. You have had a life. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You remember her fondly and HER ASKING YOU to FB made you wonder if it might have a chance yet. You are clearly no stalker. Why not drop her a line and tell her how you feel (not making it sound needy or begging, of course--it needs to be well-crafted). Let her know that since she has not responded you are guessing that she does not want to speak and that's fine but you'd like to hear her side before closing the final chapter in the book and riding off into the sunset. If you don't at least ask, you will never know. What do you have to loose? It's been 7 years and you are basically over her enough that if she rejects you it's not going to cause major heartbreak, right? IMO, that's WAY too much energy and effort to put into someone who's not making any real effort to get back in touch. Clearly the OP is still hung up on this woman, and to send multiple messages/requests/explanations to someone who hasn't responded to previous ones is going to signal that he still cares, but more importantly is going to be emotionally hurtful to the OP. My guess is that she felt a wave of nostalgia upon finding you on FB... but nothing more than that. If she felt more than that, she'd be in touch with you. Think about it: if you were still thinking of some (other) ex of yours, and wanted them back, you wouldn't send a couple of FB messages and then disappear, right? So I vote for nostalgia or this: she may be looking for an ego boost after what might have been a breakup with someone else. Now that she got it from you (attention, and a clear desire on your part to catch up with her), *poof* she's gone. Let it go. De-friend her. Don't send any more messages. If she wants you, she now has your phone number. Let her come to you. Don't chase someone who doesn't want to be caught. I'm sorry for the chaos and confusion her contact is causing you.
Author blahbob Posted June 8, 2009 Author Posted June 8, 2009 I let her go 7 years ago as much as I could. I also sent her an honest email at that time, which was after 4 months of NC following our breakup. Needless to say, it didn't turn out well, and that's when she rejected me while saying she still had feelings for me. So I'm a little skeptical of sending honest emails. I have no problem moving on and dating other women. I basically just want her to tell me there is or isn't a second chance for us. I feel like there could be because we broke up for immature reasons while still in love, and we even talked about getting back together years down the road. These are things I would only want to talk to her about in person though. sunshinegirl, I agree that she's not making any real effort to get back in touch. I don't think I'll be contacting her anymore, and I'll probably delete her from Facebook. I'm not one to blow up her phone or email anyway.
Author blahbob Posted June 9, 2009 Author Posted June 9, 2009 Does anyone think I'm giving up too easily on a second chance by deleting her from Facebook? Maybe I should give her some more time to respond, especially if she just broke up with someone else? Obviously it's going to send the message that I'm not comfortable being her 'friend', but do you think it will have a negative effect on any second chance opportunity, or is this my best option?
samspade Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 Why don't you think about the most logical reason she friend requested you. When you look at a chick's facebook page, what do you see? Hundreds of friends, and a wall loaded with messages from male orbiters. She is probably a friend collector and doesn't care much beyond that. And yeah, she wants some attention. Congratulations, you gave it to her. I have no problem moving on and dating other women. I basically just want her to tell me there is or isn't a second chance for us. Really? Because you sound like you're stuck on her. Seven years! Why do you want her to tell you there is no second chance....just decide for yourself and delete her. Someone who has moved on and is dating other women would certainly not be this preoccupied with the non-actions of an ex from seven years' back. Delete her and forget about it. The only message it's going to send is that you could give a fvkk what she thinks.
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