fallendisguise Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 I screwed up BIG TIME!!! And I don't even remember it!!!! That is the worst part. I feel like a horrible human being right now. Like down in the gutter with all the filth. Long story, short: I posted on here a few weeks ago that I had been seeing this really nice guy who treated me well for 6 months, but that he still didn't want a girlfriend. I took the much needed advice and cut the cord. But we ended up staying in contact (he is someone I enjoy having as a friend). Since those few weeks, he's been iniating more and more contact, asking to hang out, etc. SO the other night I went down to the pub and he met me up there after a couple hours. BIG mistake. I ended up having WAY too much to drink on an empty stomach and I blacked out. I don't remember much, but since he wouldn't speak to me the next day I figured it was pretty bad. I think I hit on another guy in front of him and gave him my number. I can't be entirely sure, but I did receive a text from someone I didn't know later that night. I didn't reply. I think if I did do that it was me acting out and being like see, you don't want me, someone else does. Which is completely and utterly wrong of me to do. I am not that kind of person, but I can't find any other explanation for that behavior. Well he has agreed to call me later today so we can "talk about it." A) How do I fix this? I've apologized and said that it wasn't me speaking that night but up until this point have not received any replies from him. B) Why if he doesn't want to be with me would he even bother to fix this or make it right? Sorry for the long post, I have been freaking out about it and have been making myself sick with worry that I hurt someone's feelings and in such a horrible way.
lora22 Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I understand not wanting to rub someone's face in your dating life, but um...he didn't want you and now you're "just friends." So if that's why this guy is not speaking to you, that's just stupid. I think it's OK to apologize for black out behavior if you were super sloppy, but other than that you don't owe him an apology or an explanation for your behavior. Sounds kinda like he doesn't want a relationship with you, but he doesn't want you to be interested in anyone else either. How selfish of him. If this is just about sloppy drunken behavior and he really does want to be friends he should accept your apology and that's the end of it. If you really embarrassed him or something, then maybe you agree to not get that trashed with him again, and then THAT's the end of it.
dreamergrl Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I understand not wanting to rub someone's face in your dating life, but um...he didn't want you and now you're "just friends." So if that's why this guy is not speaking to you, that's just stupid. I think it's OK to apologize for black out behavior if you were super sloppy, but other than that you don't owe him an apology or an explanation for your behavior. Sounds kinda like he doesn't want a relationship with you, but he doesn't want you to be interested in anyone else either. How selfish of him. If this is just about sloppy drunken behavior and he really does want to be friends he should accept your apology and that's the end of it. If you really embarrassed him or something, then maybe you agree to not get that trashed with him again, and then THAT's the end of it. I agree with this completely. If he doesn't want you as a girlfriend, he has no say so about you having anything to do with another guy. Personally, if all this is what really happened, I think it sounds like he wants some of the benefits of being with you, but doesn't want to step up and be a real boyfriend.
Thornton Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 How can anyone drink so much that they black out? I've been extremely drunk before, to the point where I couldn't walk and I was vomiting all over the place, and I was hung over for five days... but I still remember everything. I don't believe anyone can be so drunk that their memory simply stops functioning while the rest of them functions well enough to hit on someone.
dreamergrl Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 How can anyone drink so much that they black out? I've been extremely drunk before, to the point where I couldn't walk and I was vomiting all over the place, and I was hung over for five days... but I still remember everything. I don't believe anyone can be so drunk that their memory simply stops functioning while the rest of them functions well enough to hit on someone. Oooh not true. I went out Friday. Some things where brought to my attention that I didn't recall.
D-Lish Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 How can anyone drink so much that they black out? I've been extremely drunk before, to the point where I couldn't walk and I was vomiting all over the place, and I was hung over for five days... but I still remember everything. I don't believe anyone can be so drunk that their memory simply stops functioning while the rest of them functions well enough to hit on someone. Not true. Everyone experiences the effects of substance abuse differently. I've never experienced alcohol in the way you have- vomiting all over the place and being unable to walk... but I've completely lost all memory from the latter part of an evening. Maybe flashes here and there of things. Back on topic... Why do you feel guilty? You aren't together, he has stated he doesn't want a gf... You don't owe him anything. If he didn't like what he saw- that's his problem. Don't waste time feeling bad over this.
JustLooking123 Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 You say that you took the advice given here and "cut the cord." Obviously not, if you're still this attached to him. There's no reason to feel guilty about getting drunk and flirting with other men - this guy isn't your boyfriend! In fact, he refused to commit to you! Cut the cord. Really this time. And stop feeling badly about acting like the single girl that you are.
Author fallendisguise Posted June 18, 2009 Author Posted June 18, 2009 I just wanted to say thanks for all the replies (I haven't been able to log on until now). I guess I was making a bigger deal about it then needed to be. Well we talked about it and yes he was mad. He went up to watch out for me since I was alone and I basically was a jerk to him (I won't go into details). BUT this is what drives me absolutely nuts with this guy.... I can get the whole being friends thing because we have always had a lot of fun together. But apparantely I brought up the whole not being expressive thing (previous post when I was asking if he was into me or not since he wasn't expressive, but was incredibly nice to me and treated me really well) that night. Since then I have seen him 3 times the week after the drunken mistake and he has been incredibly expressive. Nothing too major, but things like how he's glad to see me, wants to spend time with me, etc. Why is he doing this if he doesn't want a girlfriend? And, especially after the way I behaved? Trust me, I'm not trying to look for a sign or some little bit of hope that things will change, but I can't help but notice and wonder why. We have plans to hang out Saturday. I'm seeing him more often now then I did before and it is messing with my head. I just can't figure him out. Why now?
boldjack Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Fallen, If he has not run away after the drunken episode, then maybe he is more ready than you think. Some people just take longer to make up their minds. Be patient.
boogieboy Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 What hes doing is he is banging the girl he calls his GF, and hanging out with you as a friend when his gf isnt available. THATS why he doesnt see you as a gf now. So you are being used for his filler time.
Author fallendisguise Posted June 20, 2009 Author Posted June 20, 2009 Thank you boldjack. Boogieboy I know with certainty that I am not his filler girl. He doesn't have a girlfriend. As a matter of fact, that came up last night. I went out with some girlfriends and he wanted to tag along and put faces to names. We had a great time. At the end of the night we got to talking and he said there was no other girls involved. Yes, guys can lie about that and so can girls. But, he is available to me at all times. There is never a moment where he "disappears" and call me crazy (I've dated a lot of cheaters), but I don't have that feeling in my gut. Yes, women's intuition is scarely accurate. I find it ironic that this guy who doesn't want a girlfriend cited to me last night exactly how long we've been "dating" to the day. I find it very confusing. When we talked about the drunken experience I told him how I felt about him. Yes, that was me kind of trying to scare him into breaking things off because I still wanted him to stick around and didn't think I had the b*lls to do it myself. If you don't like someone and they tell you that they adore you, think the world of you, and don't want you to not be in their in lives even if it means you have to settle as friends, wouldn't you run in the other direction?
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