boogieboy Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 If you want to lose him, tell him. Youre not exclusive yet, theres no need. Your own personal guilt isnt unfair to him, theres no need to spill beans about something thats only going to make YOU feel better. Stop being so selfish. The real problem you have to take care of is your behavior while youre drunk. THAT is unfair to him. You realize youre gonna do this again while you ARE exclusive to him? You ready to ruin it when it becomes a real relationship?
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 You aren't exclusive yet, you haven't mentioned whether or not you've had sex with him yet (but I'm guessing you haven't)...those being the case, I say don't tell him.
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Is there any chance he will forgive me? Or should I just expect this to be over? Doubtful. Probably.
Asami Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Here is my problem with not telling him. This relationship is starting off on the wrong foot. I understand why not to tell him. But my question is, how much do you "really" like him or have a great interest level in him if you did this? I know you were drunk but really think about this. I know we all make mistakes and this could be just that. However, take a look at this a tad deeper. If you think it was just a mistake and not a sign of anything else then do what you think is best. For me personally if I were to do this it would def mean I was not that interested and when I ignore the obvious is when I always get into trouble. But that is me. Only you know yourself enough to answer this question. Good Luck!!! I agree with you and Mr. Merchant on this I think you should tell him..
boldjack Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 OP, If only you and the guy you screwed knew about this , I would say don't tell him. But you said in your post that others were present. So yes, tell him about it and be straight with him. Stress that this happened BEFORE you were exclusive, and that you want to start the exclusive relationship with honesty. If he cares about you , he will take it better if it comes from you than one of your friends or somebody else. Good Luck
Sam Spade Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 I may be older than I feel/am, but I'd suggest not telling him. If I was him and you told me, I'd dump you before you even finished the sentence. I don't know who came up with the "exclusivity" talk, but as far as I'm concerned, if you're dating someone, exclusivitiy is implied. Not having "the talk" is a cheap excuse IMO. So, if you want to salvage things and move forward, better shut up (and don't screw up again.)
girl68 Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Don't tell. You're not exclusive. I hope you used protection. And if you didn't you better be using it with the other guy. And don't pretend like you're being exclusive, don't lead on like you are until it's official. For all you know he could be hooking up as well. But don't ask. Unless it's asking to be exclusive from here on in.
torranceshipman Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Are you crazy?? Of course you shouldn't tell him! For all you know, he's engaging in some of that behavior himself. Even if he isn't, he might make a judgment call that your decision to tell him kinda killed a new, sweet, delicate situation (i.e. the two of you dating) by throwing something out there that feels kinda distasteful and inappropriate to discuss ('uh, I got wasted and had a ONS which I don't remember much of') - c'mon...too much information and inappropriate for the situation!!! It's kinda like visiting his parents hourse for the first time, coming down to breakfast in the morning and saying 'I shagged your son last night'!!! It might be a suspected detail but it is completely trashy to mention it, obviously!!! So keep quiet. If the man wants you both to be exclusive he needs to push the talk forward sometime. One thing I would say...while I am quite liberal, maybe you should revise your whole approach to hooking up while drunk, as a drunken ONS that you don't remember much of doesn't sound good. I'm not judging in the slightest but if it made you feel rubbish, don't put yourself in a situation where that can happen again - your body is a valuable thing and not something to give away so easily (that's my view, again, not judging!!).
Author maz97b Posted June 18, 2009 Author Posted June 18, 2009 I did tell him and it actually went well. He didn't like what I did, but he was very understanding. I wanted to be completely honest with him. It was hard but I'm glad I told him
boldjack Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Maz, Congratulations, you are undoubtedly a fine, honest Lady. It sounds like your BF is a real man, too. If the two of you stay together, you will have a much stronger relationship, because he will know that you are an honest person, who could have lied but chose to respect him by telling him the truth. If I were dating again, you would be at the top of my list:love: The very best of luck to you and him.
hoping2heal Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Good for you for telling him, even though everyone said otherwise. If you wouldn't of told him, yes maybe it wouldn't of ended your relationship right there, but your guilt would cause you to not enjoy the relationship anyhow, trust me I'd know. When I knew I was hiding things, I felt guilty and once you tell one lie or one version of the truth, you have to keep it going and you always wonder what will happen when the truth DOES come out. You feel paranoid and can't relax. You'll be so much happier that you went this route . Plus, even if it didn't go well and he broke up with you, keeping the truth from him and having a relationship would always make it feel like a sham to you. Glad it went well for you.
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