paddington bear Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Trilbyfire said in the insecurity vs instinct thread : Never be afraid to ask for what you need in a relationship. Fear of loss is the mind-killer! I agree. Just worked this out, that I've gotten myself into so many fuzzy nothing happening but something seeming to happen situations because I was too scared to admit to someone that I liked them or to make a move on them. In one particular situation I've already lost everything, and now finally I'm ready to be honest with that person about my feelings. I've lost him now forever, so there is nothing to lose by being honest about what I did and do feel, it's not like I'm going to lose him, he's already gone. However, I'm annoyed with myself. If I'd had that attitude from the beginning, I would have been honest from the beginning and everything would have been clear and defined and honest instead of getting into that weird, unspoken, fuzzy territory where so much things get unsaid and you fear by saying them that you will lose the person on some level. So, any tricks or tips to have that 'nothing to lose' attitude from the beginning? And to overcome that horrific fear of rejection that cripples you from actually being honest about how you feel for someone?
Trialbyfire Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 One thing I should clarify is that phrase is bastardized from a Bene Gesserit litany, a fictional religious/political entity comprised of women, written by Frank Herbert. It's called the Dune series. I must not fear. Fear is the mind-killer. Fear is the little-death that brings total obliteration. I will face my fear. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the fear has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain. You might find it helpful, in your quest.
Lucky555 Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 This year i just discovered that the fear of losing the person has been holding me back from moving forward and it only keeps me wondering. I think this is a great post because you have said that you cant lose them if they are already gone. I like this because its so honest and real. This line really sums up dating too. It has helped me to discover the true potential that I have because I don't hang onto the fear so much anymore. I used to have an intense fear of losing the person, but this year i really found that if that person doesn't want to be there they will leave anyways and I will be ok. Its that persons choice and I will wait for someone who can accept me for me. It took me some dating and experience to realize this though. I am sure I will learn many more things along the way. Great post.
2sure Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Emotional Honesty. It sounds so simple - like just telling someone how you feel, or "speaking your mind." But there is more to it than that. First, you have to know how you really feel. That can be hard to identify, but no one else can do it for you. Talking about your feelings, sorting them out with someone else...the conversation alone allows your feelings to become confusing, misunderstood. So, you figure out how you feel. Based on you. NOT based on your expectations of someone elses reaction to them. In other words...being emotionally honest with someone can only truly be done when you have NO expectations, no result in mind. Its really putting yourself out there. The nice thing about being emotionally honest is that regardless of the reaction you may get from someone else...you arent confused about yourself.
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