TheStranger Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Ok I am a Male, aged 21, the girl in question is 18. I met her when I was 17, she was 15, she was my 1st serious girlfriend, and within a month I had told her I wanted to be with her long term and that I loved her. 3 years later, after a rocky and stormy at times relationship, she texted me to tell me she missed me, then 45 minutes later she dumped me Via text, she said she wanted a break, but then 3am that morning she said we were over. I didnt contact her then, but the next day she text me askin if i was ok, i text back and so did she, the following morning I knew where she was going to be, so I went there just for face to face answers, she was hostile at first, but warmed to me, allowed me to kiss her and said she would get back with me, but to quote her 'not yet'. So I left her as I was going for a beer with a friend, and then I receive a call from her, askin how many id had etc, the same questions she asks when we were together lol. I asked her after having afew if she still loved me, she said yes, and she said she was still faithful to me, as we were each others first times So that night I add her to facebook and she accepted, and we talk and I drunkenly post msgs about loving her and being sorry for failing her etc. All the night she didnt say she loved me despite me saying it, until 5 hours later she said she was going to bed and she said she loved me, she said she wanted me and agreed to meet me 1 day next week! I was sooooo happy. The next day I text her and i didnt get a reply until afternoon when her mother texted me, just askin me to give her space as shes not eating and is very depressed, but 10 mins later, my girl texts me and explains shes had a heart to heart with her mum about certain personal things that i knew had been bothering her. And she also cancelled our meeting next week. That night on facebook, I asked if she still meant it about us being together, she agreed, she put up a pic on her facebook of me and her, she told me she loved me in multiple comments all over both of our facebooks. BUT, she still didnt want to meet me in person, i get afew texts during the days in which she had begun writing that she loved me again etc. So the next night I ask her about meeting me, she said no, and she was more distant from me, but still told me she loved me, I asked her if she had really planned to meet me next week, she said yes, i then proceeded to ask her if shes just keepin me sweet while shes waiting for someone else, she said no, and i asked would i truely see her sometime soon, she said yes. So today is the day after that convo and I do 100% trust her, she texted me before to say she wont be on facebook tonight, so we wont get a big talk. Shes not eating and is very emotional to do with an arm implant to prevent pregnancys, but my problem is do u think she will see me? Should I ask each time I speak to her? I'm not sure shes the type to say about meeting up, but I really need to see her, to hold her, to kiss her, to tell her I adore her. Based on the whole story, am I in a good position, or do u think she is messing me about? I'd just like to add, that she hasnt lied to me in the past, and has been faithful to me, we've never had breaks or split up before, and we know each others fears and secrets. I love her and truely dont want her to finish with me again. What do u guys and girls think of this situation? Thanks M *PS* I think I should just believe her but I do suffer insecurities and paranoia, just from low confidence, I know thats my fault, but I just want to be with her again and see her! I'd walk rain or shine to see her no matter what time of day just to spend 10 mins with her.
Exit Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Give her space and let her come to you. All this "I need to see her kiss her tell her" stuff isn't going to work right now. Being connected on social networking websites can also lead to problems although at this point she is still claiming to be faithful. Tell her you are not happy to hear that she isn't eating and that she's depressed, that you are there for her if she needs someone to talk to, but that you love her enough to be away from her if that's what will help. Once you say that, then stop talking to her for a few days. That will get you soooo much further than being in her face every day.
Author TheStranger Posted June 7, 2009 Author Posted June 7, 2009 I've told her that, I also told her that I'm here for her whenever she needs me, tomorrow Im thinkin of sending her a card via the postal service, wishing her well and to let her know im thinking of her.
boogieboy Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Im gonna give you the bad tasting medicine straight up because I cant sugar coat this. Youre a young guy, you can take it. No she broke up with you for a reason. Either your rocky fights made her think its just not going to work, or her friends convinced her to break it off, or she is seeing someone else. Personally, I dont believe any girl that dumps me is at home crying, unless i see it for myself. I always assume that they are seeing someone else, and that is usually the reality. Her making her mother text you, yeah, thats cowardly, and I dont believe anything she says. When a girl breaks up with you, you dont tell her you'll be there for her, dont send her cards, you say ok were taking a break with no contact and thats it. She cannot know that you are waiting for her, it pushes her further away from you. She has to know that she will lose you if she doesnt make up her mind. Give her at least a months space. Tell her you two shouldnt talk for a month while she thinks about it. This is a VERY STRONG move. Especially if you initiate it. If you want her to come back, the thing to do is let her miss you, but not letting her contact you. The way it works is, if she knows that she cannot contact you, it will make her want to contact you even more. if you keep bugging her, it pushes her away, get it? When she is very emotional like this, she will not forget about you. But you have to resist, and see the long run. Also remember the possibility that it might not work out. Dont answer phone calls, emails, or texts for a while, unless its a text that SPECIFICALLY says "I want to try again". Everything else might just be her testing to see if you will answer just to make her feel like she is in control. Yes, they do that. If you search this forum, you'll see plenty of threads on this same thing. Keep reading, it will make you feel better. And really, youre young, and you have plenty of girls to date yet, you think so now, but she will not be the best one. Statistcally, people who date since high school, change too much in their 20's to be able to sustain a real relationship. So dont worry, youre doing good. I didnt even have a relationship in high school.
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