love3350 Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Hello, I want to make this short and sweet. I am in love and I am feeling a lot of pain right now. My girlfriend told me that she wanted to take a break and that no one else was involved and she just need to figure out herself. The dilemma is that she has been really stressed out with school and finding a job. I thought that was why our relationship was not at its peak. The stressors are now gone and everything worked out great (as far as fixing the stress). My girlfriend is still displaying negativity and I call her out on it. She responds with the fact that she is happy and she is positive. After these 2 months have gone by (with stressors and without) she randomly said that she needed some time and said that she needs to love me stronger, like I deserve. She said that she still loves me and wants to get married. She tells me that she knows she can show her love towards me more. We are going to do the NC thing all this week until this weekend and we are going to another city to hang out (we planned this before, and I asked her if we could still do this and try to sort out our problems). She said yes and I asked her if she wanted two rooms or one. We really haven't had a weekend to ourself in a while (without parents, or someone being around). She said we could have one room. I hope that we can go into it and make the best out of it. She keeps telling me that she doesn't know anything or what is going on with her emotionally. I hope to get a good understanding of where we stand this weekend. I hope we can talk about problems we still have and address them. The break will really have lasted 5 days. Do you think that spending this time together will be beneficial (she loves time alone and honestly our relationship could use more without parents and other people around)? Or do you think the break will help the most? Will 5 days help her discover if she can be a stronger lover or does talking out everything and making commitments to fix the smaller issues in our relationship help more? She has by far surpassed anything I could have dreamed of and is a very amazing girl that I could easily spend the rest of my life with. Comments and Opinions would be appreciated.
xpaperxcutx Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 We have been dating for 2 years. Alright well I think you guy are in the mid twenties? I believe there are moments in every relationship where one SO will propose the idea of taking breaks, to step back from what they know and see things completely differently. That's how you get through things logically, without being emotionally influenced. You mentioned you guys have alot of problems to work on. Do you think they're significant enough to have influenced her to seek this break?
Author love3350 Posted June 7, 2009 Author Posted June 7, 2009 We have problems, but honestly we have been able to work through them. Now she is 100% trusting and I have really improved myself in the relationship (before it was always my fault. I was always the one who brought the relationship down) now she doesn't have any complaints (not perfect), but a lot closer on my part. I honestly think she is surprised by how much I have improved. I owe it all to her though. It's just really hard. Do you think hanging out this weekend could fix things? We are more in our early twenties.
Exit Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Sounds similar to my situation. My relationship was bad due to a lot of outside stress, and finally when some of those things were over with, instead of our bond being stronger, that's when she decided to leave me. Some people hold onto a relationship JUST to make it through a stressful time, and suddenly when the weight on their shoulders is lifted, they realize they can walk away. You can say all you want about how faithful and trusting you both are, but obviously you don't know what's going on in her head right now or you wouldn't be in this position. It may very well be that she judged the relationship on how well things went DURING the stress, and now that some of it is over with, she may not want to continue. If she is still willing to go on that trip with you AND stay in the same room, you should thank your lucky stars and realize that you are in a MUCH better position than 99% of people who get told "we need time apart". This time together could be good or could be bad. I wouldn't doubt that she is probably using the situation as a test to see how things go. Talk about your problems if you must, but if you let things get heated and turn into an argument, she may be asking for space permanently. Don't ask her a million times, but maybe one more time ask if she is 100% comfortable and positive that this trip together will be a good thing. Maybe she is too scared to turn you down. Make sure she still wants to go, and then go from there.
xpaperxcutx Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 We have problems, but honestly we have been able to work through them. Now she is 100% trusting and I have really improved myself in the relationship (before it was always my fault. I was always the one who brought the relationship down) now she doesn't have any complaints (not perfect), but a lot closer on my part. I honestly think she is surprised by how much I have improved. I owe it all to her though. It's just really hard. Do you think hanging out this weekend could fix things? We are more in our early twenties. How about instead of seeing this coming weekend as a way of fixing things, see it as a way of letting the relationship take it's course naturally. Don't " fix" things, because it doesn't seem like there's anything broken. She stated that she's busy with school, and for girls, stress can create alot of hormonal changes. Give her time to do things on her own, without being constantly at her hip. She'll appreciate you for it. Let things go as they are, enjoy your alone with her, and don't bring up anything pertaining to " where do you see things going?" Just enjoy each others company. I think you're stressed yourself over the fact that you're afraid of losing this girl. Yes, she's probably wonderful, but don't put her on a pedestal either. If you do that, you will constantly worry about upsetting her and try to appease to her rather than be yourself. After all, you've changed alot and you should confident about yourself simply because you got a great gf.
Exit Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Good advice papercut, I would not turn this trip into a weekend long debate about your relationship. See if she brings it up first. If not, just enjoy the weekend. You can still consider it "working on your relationship" without having a verbal discussion about it.
boogieboy Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 for the weekend, Make yourself the attractive exciting guy you were that made her forget about all her problems when you first started dating. Be fun, funny, spontaneous...forget about her negativitiy and all that stuff you were bringing up with her. No one likes a kiljoy. If that doesnt work, you should initiate the NC for like a month, or until she cant stay away...let her miss you longer, before she initiates it. Beat her to the punch. Im actually a little suspicious of her myself. I wouldnt go out of town with her after she announces that with me. But...if she is stressed out, you were only stressing her out more by bringing up negative things. You know I mean?
NopeNah Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 I would also prepare myself for her to cancel on the weekend all together
Author love3350 Posted June 7, 2009 Author Posted June 7, 2009 Well. I wouldn't be surprised if she canceled either. That would be a definite response to the situation. I am going to go in there open-minded no pressure and enjoy her company. There is a bit of an update to the situation. She called me today (bc I was an idiot who broke nc), but I was short with her and she said that she loved me and things seemed different (as in better) I told her I would stay out of the way (I was short and to the point). She told me I could contact her any time. I told her I would call Thursday to discuss meeting up plans for this weekend. It seemed a bit better when I acted like I didn't care. I think if I do nc until Thursday night life will be better. I just need to stay away till then.
boogieboy Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Well. I wouldn't be surprised if she canceled either. That would be a definite response to the situation. I am going to go in there open-minded no pressure and enjoy her company. There is a bit of an update to the situation. She called me today (bc I was an idiot who broke nc), but I was short with her and she said that she loved me and things seemed different (as in better) I told her I would stay out of the way (I was short and to the point). She told me I could contact her any time. I told her I would call Thursday to discuss meeting up plans for this weekend. It seemed a bit better when I acted like I didn't care. I think if I do nc until Thursday night life will be better. I just need to stay away till then. She said to call her any time? Good, then DONT! When she sees you dont call her about the weekend, she will panic and call you. Keep the NC till she calls. Dont worry, if she doesnt call till after the weekend, thats more time for her to miss you more.
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