dharris27 Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 So long story short i met a guy around new years who was a mutual friend of many of my other friends but some how we'd never met. He thought i was cute and talked to me throughout the night. He ended up kissing me that and asking for my number to set up a date. He followed up immediately and we went on a date and continued to talk on the phone. I was hesitant to get involved with him because a) it takes time for me to know someone and b) he is about 15 or 16 years older than me. I'm 23 he's almost 40. (most of my friends are in thier 30's though.) . He is really good looking and funny. We have a lot in common and he has all his stuff together so you know, other than age i guess i felt okay dating him. Eventually he tells me that he had been in a 2 year relationship that just recently ended and he wasn't ready to get serious yet. He also said he sometimes was very grey with his relationships with women he was seeing and that could make them upset. He told me this way early on so i wouldn't be suprised and well i appreciated his honesty. I suggested we be friends but he didn't really agree. From that point on for about three months we would see each other out occasionally and were just friends. I was kind of seeing someone else. Randomly he texts me and shows up at a show I'm at and we talk he buys me beers ect and he comes back to my house. I asked him if he's seeing anyone and he says no and asks me. The sexual tension was pretty big but we agreed to not spend the night together. After this evening he would randomly show up to places he knew i was and would only talk to me ect. I knew not to take anything to seriously but it did seem like he still liked me. A month or so later I a friend of mine said that the guy was hanging out with a girl they were all friends with. I felt kind of wierd about it but let it go because clearly that was just me kind of liking him still but i felt it was better sinse she was older than me and we never worked out. A few weeks go by and he shows up where i am randomly again talks to me the whole night and i end up at his place. I had seen him out many nights for a while and he was always alone. So i didn't think or remember that he was "hanging out" with someone else. We end up sleeping together for the first time and granted it was somewhat casual he and I had discussed how neither of us were really ready for commitment and we liked each other so it seemed harmless. The next night i see him out and he was that girl he was "hanging out with" even though he knew he'd see me. He talked to me a bunch but i was really uncomfortable and sense he hardly talked to her i assumed they weren't very serious so i shouldn't worry too much - but i should not sleep with him or hang with him any more. The next night i see him and he's alone and we talk and it's cool but i'm starting to feel more uncomfortable as I'm still not sure what his status is. The next friday all our friends go to a show he never mentioned going to and later on he meets us after the show (that he did go to) with the girl and clearly they were on a date. I felt soooo awful and i could hardly look at him. I ignored him the whole night and gave him all the most obvious symbols that he as a total dick for putting me in the awkward situation. The girl clearly had no clue and he hardly even talked to her the whole night rather he just stared at me. UGH. Anyway, it's reallly been knawing at me that he wouldn't tell me he was seeing someone before sleeping with me. It just feels so disrespectful and i have to see him out ALL the time now in which he will be with her sometimes. I hardly ever sleep with someone I'm not dating seriously but as honest as he had been i felt I could trust him. He always acts like my buddy ect. and other in the group know he liked me and we dated once. I just feel awful and i really want to call him and just let him know i feel it was unfair of him to do so and that I am uncomfortable as a result around him only to get it out and respect myself in front of him. Is this any better than just ignoring him? I will see him out forever now so i feel as though it would be easier to get it off my chest and then feel somewhat at ease around him...what does he deserve? I'm not sure.
TaraMaiden Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 If you want an exclusive relationship with him, tell him. But it looks as if this is the last thing he wants, and wants to be able to date casually. So the decision is yours. Either be prepared to be one oif his dates, or take yourself off his list. It is that simple. Decide.
Lyssa Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 It sounds to me that you like him more than you think you do. Why don't you just ask him about the girl? He doesn't seem to be interested in her (from what you have told us) much. Do you not want anything serious with him cause he's much older or are you just not ready?
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