Alan430 Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 I have pretty much moved on after my sotbx left me in jan. She did not want to even try to work it out and that she didnt love me the same anymore. I have since lost around 45 pounds and been hitting the weights. Needless to say i look great probably as good as i did when i was in my twenties when we met. Anyways she calls me every now and then to chat about her work etc. She also makes it a point to tell me how depressed she is, and that she isnt going out or anything. Not that i am intrested in getting back with her, but i am trying to understand why she keeps telling me these things over and over, so i can know how to respond to her. Thanks for any insight you can offer.
xpaperxcutx Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Congrats on your weight loss. The thing about any relationships, whether marriage or just dating, when you have an SO leave you, their action prompts you to make a better person out of yourself. Of course, it also gives you time to reflect on many, many things, such as regret, grief, and loss; so much so that one day, you wake up and realized you didn't miss them as much as you thought. The thing is, you've moved on. Your SOTBX never went through a change like that. That's why they bounce back from rejecting you, to trying to get you back into their lives. And what do you do? You ignore them and love yourself for becoming a better and fitter person, who goes on dates and meet new people who will add to your life.
Ronni_W Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Alan, Only she really knows what she's up to. I'd put it right back on her with questions like: What are you hoping to hear/receive from me when you tell me that? How would you like/prefer me to respond to that? What do you want me to do now that you've told me that? And of course: I don't know how to respond to that. I don't want to respond to that. I don't need/want to hear that. I'd not be making myself crazy trying to figure out HER motives and intentions -- that's her job not your burden. Let her get clear about her own wants, needs and whatevers, and convey those to you in an adult, self-responsible manner. If she can't or won't, tough noogies for her...don't let her antics mess with your mind, is my suggestion.
mark982 Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 i can't figure out why you even waste your time talking to her.she made her bed,let her lie in it.
seibert253 Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Sounds like you've done a bang up job of moving on. Hate to say it, but sounds like her leaving was the best thing for you. Just take a step back and examine yourself. Look at your life now, and where you were before she left. Now, do you want to go back to that? Because every time you entertain her conversations and her problems, she's brings you one step closer to the "old" you, and one step farther away from the "new" you. I know you don't want to be brutal or mean, but maybe it's time to tell her you've moved on, it's time she does too.
2sure Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 She was unhappy. She was unhappy with her life, so she changed it. Turns out she is still unhappy because she has found that she is unhappy with herself.
Woggle Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 It drives a walkaway wife crazy when a man is perfectly happy and starts doing better without her. When you deal with here keep it strictly business.
Author Alan430 Posted June 8, 2009 Author Posted June 8, 2009 Everyone, Thanks for the reply's. I do want to cut her completely out of my life and would, if it wasn't for my wonderful son.
Woggle Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Everyone, Thanks for the reply's. I do want to cut her completely out of my life and would, if it wasn't for my wonderful son. Tell her that. Keep it civl and businesslike when it comes to your son but that is as far as it goes.
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