MissHollywood Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 I can't speak for all women, but I will smile at a guy I am attracted to. I may look down out of shyness afterwards; I'm not gonna give him the stare of death for five minutes. I wish I could do that all the time. Do you ever wonder whether the guys you're attracted to is married or has an SO? Do you wonder that maybe they aren't interested in you and would you feel like you've made a fool of yourself if so? I think that way and therefore not be able to smile at the guys all the time.
MissHollywood Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 I wish I was a guy too when it comes to dating. Having said all that, I would still make the first move if I am REALLY into a guy and I knew that he is single. I wish I was a guy too. Being a guy makes dating so much easier! How do you know whether a guy is single?
Kamille Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 I wish I was a guy too. Being a guy makes dating so much easier! How do you know whether a guy is single? Well you don't. And you don't know if they're interested. But a smile has never harmed anyone. The worst case scenario here is that you'll smile at a guy who has a girlfriend and he'll be flattered. Ok, no, of course the absolutele worst case scenario is that you'll smile at a taken guy and he'll hit on you. Just so you know, that's never happened to me. The guys that approach are usually single (ok, one was right smack in the middle of a separation ). Just think about it this way: your cost is a smile. If a guy doesn't approach you, you never really have any way of figuring out why he didn't. Now, imagine you WERE a guy. You would have to approach girls and risk overt rejection all the time. The way I see it, we ladies have it easy.
MissHollywood Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 But a smile has never harmed anyone. The worst case scenario here is that you'll smile at a guy who has a girlfriend and he'll be flattered. Ok, no, of course the absolutele worst case scenario is that you'll smile at a taken guy and he'll hit on you. Just think about it this way: your cost is a smile. If a guy doesn't approach you, you never really have any way of figuring out why he didn't. Now, imagine you WERE a guy. You would have to approach girls and risk overt rejection all the time. The way I see it, we ladies have it easy. Kamille, I've not seen it this way but you nailed it!
MissHollywood Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 But I'm a female go-getter (at least in other areas of my life). So if I were a guy, I'd initiate contact and go after the girls. That would be so much easier. It's almost the "law." But as a girl, all I could do is smile and PRAY the guy would get it and come over.
Kamille Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 But I'm a female go-getter (at least in other areas of my life). So if I were a guy, I'd initiate contact and go after the girls. That would be so much easier. It's almost the "law." But as a girl, all I could do is smile and PRAY the guy would get it and come over. Well, MissH, then you could do more then sit pretty and smile! If I had more guts, I would approach men more often. See, I think approaching men is part of the fun. The line I draw is on making plans. I won't approach a guy and ask for his number or set up a date. That has to come from him. And this means that, the few times I had the guts to chat up a guy, usually all that ended up happening is I had a nice little chat with a cute guy. Of course, maybe setting had something to do with it: I chatted up a cute guy at the grocery store and the other at the videostore...
Trialbyfire Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 TBF, though you let him pursue, you did encourage your fiance to ask you out, by asking him to the party. And wow, it's a good thing you did Anyway, your experience proves what Kamille said. You still gotta give the green light. Isolde, how many times on LS have I stated that women need to give the green light? It's immature to be hostile or ignore a man you're interested in, especially when he's made the first approach. That's what flirting with intent, is all about. Of course there's flirting for the fun of it too, but that's a totally different thing!
MissHollywood Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 Well, MissH, then you could do more then sit pretty and smile! If I had more guts, I would approach men more often./QUOTE] The key word being "if I had more guts." But as Trialbyfire said, I wouldn't not do anything if a guy I'm interested in made a first move on me.
Author Isolde Posted June 9, 2009 Author Posted June 9, 2009 I wish I could do that all the time. Do you ever wonder whether the guys you're attracted to is married or has an SO? Do you wonder that maybe they aren't interested in you and would you feel like you've made a fool of yourself if so? I think that way and therefore not be able to smile at the guys all the time. No, I don't think that way. If I find someone attractive, giving them a smile is merely a friendly invitation to say hello. It asks nothing of the guy. Therefore, if he's not interested, moving right along! It's just a smile and smiling makes me feel good anyway. I've experienced rejection and gotten over it; I have little to fear because I know what I want and what my boundaries are.
cheerup Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 I do not chase men. If I do not, yes, I get less dates. But, this is a good screening process to me. Some guys in this post said that they left because women did not chase them. I believ they left the women anyway eventually as he was not that interested in her to chase her. Many men appreciate womens' attention and chase. If we are not completely outside of their types, they tend to accept. But, we know the ending... This does not mean that I act indifferent as the rules suggest. I show my interests but do not chase, meaning if he does not call me, I do not call him. If he does not ask me out, I do not ask him out. I will let them decide what they want to do with me.
4givrnt4gtr Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 My bf said that he usually doesnt trust when a woman initiates. Its a turn off because he cant see who she really is since she probably is putting her best foot forward to attrack him. I also believe that women tend to fall a little harder and faster so why start a relationship already unbalanced??? No chasing for me either....not before a relationship and now i made up my mind to not do it in a relationshio either....
Kamille Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 No chasing for me either....not before a relationship and now i made up my mind to not do it in a relationshio either.... Ever? I guess I get it. I always reciprocate the level of enthusiasm my partner shows me. But I do spontaneously do little things to show him I care. Like, I might send him an email saying I had a good time the previous night.
start-fresh Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 I can't believe all of the women that complain about not being able to approach a guy. You know how ridiculous this sounds? If you're interested in a guy, go up and talk to him for christ sakes. Men are expected to approach women and risk rejection all the time. How do we know if you have a boyfriend or not? We don't have some magic radar that says this girls single and she's safe to approach that women don't. I don't get approached very often by women, but when I do it's exciting at best, flattering at worst. Even if I'm not interested in a someone, I won't be repulsed or think any less of her. People that do aren't worth your time anyway. I would have to say I think life for a guy is significantly easier than it is for women in a lot of ways - no makeup, no babies , no gender discrimination, etc., but dating is NOT one of those ways. So stop complaining already.
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