Does friends with benefits not ever blow up in someone's face?

[TheTallOne]

Either the guy or the girl wanting more than 'just friends' ?

 

I can't think of a situation with me, or my friends, where it doesn't come to a screeching (sometimes crashing) halt with someone either hurt, or pissed.

 

Maybe it is just my experience?

[Tony T]

Either the guy or the girl wanting more than 'just friends' ?

 

I can't think of a situation with me, or my friends, where it doesn't come to a screeching (sometimes crashing) halt with someone either hurt, or pissed.

 

Maybe it is just my experience?

 

I don't know what the percentages are but my guess would be that better than 50 percent of the time it comes crashing. Even going in, often one of the two is hoping it will blossom into something more.

[TheTallOne]

I don't know what the percentages are but my guess would be that better than 50 percent of the time it comes crashing. Even going in, often one of the two is hoping it will blossom into something more.

 

That was my experience with one.

 

The chick never said so however, even though I bet that was running across her mind.

 

I told her straight from day 1, that if she started developing feelings, to tell me and we would break it off before it got weird.

 

She never did, and it crashed badly.

[tigressA]

I had two experiences; one was successful and the other crashed and burned because I developed feelings. With the first guy, it was just this simple--we were friends who happened to find each other physically attractive and we acted on that attraction. There was no emotional attachment beyond friendship; neither of us was the other's ideal 'relationship person'. The two of us are still friends, though we quit hooking up two years ago because he graduated from our college and moved back home.

[Scottdmw]

I would worry that most people _think_ they are a lot better at not developing feelings than they really are. Human biology is designed in such a way that having orgasms creates strong emotional bonding for most people, eventually if not right away (google the hormone oxytocin if you're interested). What starts off as FWB ends up with someone getting hurt most often.

 

The other problem is a lack of true availibility. If you have a FWB, that person meets some of your emotional and sexual needs that would normally be met by a true love. You are less motivated to seek out the right person and make it work with them because you have a crutch on the side.

 

So, there's no way I'd do FWB, and I would caution others to think it over carefully rather than just fall into the situation.

 

Scott

[LoveLace]

Most of the time yes, it's just a plain unhealthy idea. Rarely do both people manage to keep it at FWB level and remain happy that way...eventually, one of them meets someone new and special and the other will likely be heart broken....left to grieve over what feels like a "break up" when you never even had them to start with. Not fun. Like Scott said, the FWB meets SOME of your needs, which is better than nothing, so people tend to cling to it as something more special...that and we're settling for something that is only half*a$$ full filling. Even in serious relationships, many times there is one person with stronger feelings than the other. FWB is no different...

[xpaperxcutx]

I just got out of one recently. I made the mistake of expecting more from him when I knew from the beginning he wasn't looking for anything more than just "that".

 

I foolishly put myself in a position where I thought I would be fine, but ultimately I'm suffering for it.

 

We still talk, if and only if I initiate contact, but it feels so lopsided since I know i have feelings for him, and all he probably has for me is indifference.

[LucreziaBorgia]

Only had one that worked like it should. It was hella fun, and he was great in bed. Went our separate ways eventually, but it was fun while it lasted. The most recent one worked well until I starting having feelings for him. I suspect that if I hadn't already known him for as long as I had I probably would not have developed those feelings, but who knows.