Halycon Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Hello, would value some opinions on falling out of love means it wasn't that strong (despite feeling very strong) or whether it can be down to circumstances.. I'll try not to make this too long, but i met a girl while travelling, and we spent 6 weeks travelling together. I'm 30 and she's 29, with a child from an prior marriage. It was wonderful, we had a really good time and got very close. Then i went to stay with her where she lives for 2 weeks and it just got better. It was really special, felt so right, i could see myself spending the rest of my life with her, and i know she felt the same. Then i had to go, continued travelling, and we couldn't see each other until 6 weeks later. This time it was different. My fault really, i wasn't myself, i had been really lonely for the 6 weeks and it got to me, and i felt guilty because i had kissed another girl once when drunk (i didn't tell her this at the time). I was just lacking in enthusiam, a bit moody, and not as affectionate to her as before. Really out of character, although i can be moody from time to time like anyone its nothing like this. I didn't realise i was being different at the time, but she obviously did and didn't know why. She withdraw from me a little, which made me withdraw from her. I wasn't really sure this was happening at all until one morning after 4 days i was annoyed at her for waking me up when she didn't need too and said something sarcastic. I had never been annoyed with her before. She was really upset. I tried to talk to her about it, but she said she wasn't sure if she felt the same about me anymore but that we should just forget about what happened and make the most of our time together. To cut a long story short things got better after that, she said she loved me, and we made plans to see each other again. Then she said she didn't love me anymore, and broke up with me. She says that if it was meant to be between us, what happened with me being different and out of character shouldn't have affected her feelings at all. She says its fate, maybe we were only supposed to have a short love, and that something like that would have happened at some point. Basically we couldn't have worked long term. I don't agree, i think it was because of the gap in seeing each other, and because we only had 2 months together before that. I can see why it might make you a little unsure about someone when they suddenly behave very differently, unsure if they really are the person you fell in love with. If i had been normal when we met i don't think anything like that would ever have happened. I know i shouldn't worry about it, i should just forget about her, get over it, and move on. I still think about her all the time, and its especially difficult because i think i messed it up by being stupid, and if i hadn't have done that we would still be really happy together. But still, i'd rather believe that than the possibility that you can have love that feels as strong and right as what we had but actually isn't strong at all. That scares me. I would rather believe that love is strong, its just that very occasionally you can have unusual circumstances and bad luck which can make you lose it. Plus i'm still not over her and would like to believe we might still have another chance. So what do you think? Do you think that if you can lose your love for someone, then it obviously wasn't that strong and it was never going to work? Or can it it sometimes be due to bad luck and circumstances?
NiceGuy4Ever Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I don't know about you but after only being together after two months, it seemed a bit of a rush to start living with her. I have to admit that a gap of contact does affect Love but it seems to me that it was just too fast and you both got caught up in the first months romance without even thinking about it. It happens. For answering your two questions it can be both. Although I have given my opinion and it's now up to you to decide but if she let you go I would recommend you respect that decision and move on. Hope this helps.
Exit Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I agree with NiceGuy, the entire time frame of this situation was pretty short. I know love can strike quickly but you shouldn't be so torn apart over a 2 month thing. All you can do is try to learn a lesson from it. You were "moody" and treated her different and now you feel like that was the cause of everything that happened. If you love someone you gotta try to always be good to them. Honestly for a 2 month relationship I think you should just let it go. You can choose to believe whatever you want. If you felt the love was strong, then it was strong. Sure circumstances can affect that. It doesn't mean the feelings weren't really there.
Author Halycon Posted June 8, 2009 Author Posted June 8, 2009 Thanks for your thoughts guys it does help. I know i probably sound a little silly as it was really short but it felt a lot more significant than long term relationships i've been in. I've always been a bit scared of commitment but she's the first i've been with where the thought of spending the rest of my life didn't scare me at all, it made me happy. I know she felt what we had was really rare too. I don't know, maybe i thought i was in love with other relationships but wasn't really. Anyway you hear so much about 'love conquers all', 'true love' etc that i wondered if maybe i was weird thinking that if love can be affected it doesn't mean it wasn't genuinely strong. I don't really want to believe that love can seem really strong but isn't really, but maybe sometimes thats the way it is too. I know i have to respect her decision and let it go. I'm still hoping that she will change her decision at some point, but know that isn't likely and the best i can do is learn lessons from this and try to move on. Reading this forum has helped a lot, just knowing that others go through the same or worse, and also the no contact thing. I've been trying to change her mind but that was the wrong thing to do - i won't be contacting her anymore, however much i want too.
sean22 Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 hey man, dont worry your not silly, well at least i dont think you are.. i was torn apart by a 1 month relationship. I guess some people just fall in and out of love easier than others. Whatever you have done is in the past and you cant worry about that now. I also wonder if i had done things differently that she could still be with me, but whats done is done. "I know i have to respect her decision and let it go. I'm still hoping that she will change her decision at some point, but know that isn't likely and the best i can do is learn lessons from this and try to move on. Reading this forum has helped a lot, just knowing that others go through the same or worse, and also the no contact thing. I've been trying to change her mind but that was the wrong thing to do - i won't be contacting her anymore, however much i want too." I think thats exactly what you have to do there, but you have to get over the false hope that she will come back. Its all up to her now. The only person that can changer her mind is her. "If you love something, set it free. If it comes back it is meant to be." i like that quote I dont know if that will help, but thats just my thoughts.
Recommended Posts