MinziGirl Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Speaking now of something which happened long ago & just came into my memory. I once had a friend & i have lost that friendship many years ago because i have left a toothbrush & my shampoo in his toilet. We weren't in a relationship but since i was at his place very often, i figured that it would be more convienent to leave some of my 'essential' stuff there. Of course i did ask for his permission before i do that & he said it was ok. Then the next day, i recieved a very cold shoudler & an email with just 3 sentences on it. It simply meant that he doesn't want to see me anymore & that includes even contacting him because he wants absolutely no more contact with me. What is the big deal about a girl leaving toothbrushes or her stuff in your home? If she is a friend, it is ok, isn't it? Or is there a hidden 'man's' thing about such things? Then what is the meaning if a boyfriend of a girl starts leaving his stuff at her home or starts feeling comfortable leaving his stuff at hers? Does it mean that he is now very serious of her? If so, how serious?
Lucky_One Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 I would guess that the reason he cut you off entirely is something besides a toothbrush and shampoo, given that you asked his permission to leave them there and he said ok. I would wonder if his GF got ticked off that there was some strange girl's toiletries there? But why in the world would you leave them in his toilet? That is sort of gross, yes? (Ok that was a bit of a joke, and I am hopeful that you left them in his cabinet.) But why would you want to leave a toothbrush and shampoo at a friend's apartment anyway? You weren't in a relationship. Carry a toothbrush in your purse, if you must, and if something happens that necessitates a shower, then use his shampoo (after asking if that is ok). But leaving personal care items in a friend's place is just sort of....odd. How many times do you really have to shower at a friend's house?
oasis Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 But why in the world would you leave them in his toilet? That is sort of gross, yes? (Ok that was a bit of a joke, and I am hopeful that you left them in his cabinet.) That is exactly what I was wondering. Did the OP clog the toilet and did he had to call in a plumber? Maybe that is the reason why he is angry.
Awesome84 Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Maybe he initially thought leaving your stuff at his apartment was ok and then he had second thoughts about it. When a girl leaves stuff at a man's place when they aren't in a serious relationship... it will most likely make him think we (girls) are psycho. So maybe he got scared... even if you two were just friends. Because even if he DID have romantic feelings for you... leaving your stuff at his place is still a sticky situation and can scare him away anyway. Think about it like this.... if you were dating a guy... and you went back to his place and saw a second toothbrush and girl shampoo in the bathroom... you'd probably wonder... WTF!!! If your not his GF... then it's a no no... even if you ARE good friends.
Art_Critic Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Leaving a toothbrush or something like that at a BF's apartment is nothing more than a girl marking her turf.. Just like a dog pees on all the mail box posts when you take him for a walk.. so it is a warning to all others that your taken.. If the guy was your just your friend and not a guy you were sleeping with then the chances are his GF found the items and got pissed and since those items are all about peeing on the mailbox and his GF wouldn't see it any other way and thought he was cheating on her. Wouldn't it had been easier to just keep the items in your car ?
39388 Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 The guy is an idiot. He said yes to leaving the stuff there and then breaks the freindship. Very childish behavior. If he didn't want the OP to leave the stuff there, he should have said "no". As I guy I'm not sure if I'd of allowed it. It would despend upon the specifics of the situation.
LucreziaBorgia Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Then the next day, i recieved a very cold shoudler & an email with just 3 sentences on it. It simply meant that he doesn't want to see me anymore & that includes even contacting him because he wants absolutely no more contact with me. Sounds like something a jealous and angry girlfriend would force him to do.
Ariadne Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Maybe he was a student of the Tom Leykis 101 class: A bunch of people follow this guy, he is anti-relationships and anything resembling.
xpaperxcutx Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 I remember I left a library book at a guy's place and I never got it back. I ended up paying for it. I never, ever leave any of my things at a guy's or bf's place unless I unintentionally forgot them there. You never know whether you'll get your things back. Lesson to be learned: Be possessive, but with your items not the guy.
Author MinziGirl Posted June 8, 2009 Author Posted June 8, 2009 I would guess that the reason he cut you off entirely is something besides a toothbrush and shampoo, given that you asked his permission to leave them there and he said ok. I would wonder if his GF got ticked off that there was some strange girl's toiletries there? But why in the world would you leave them in his toilet? That is sort of gross, yes? (Ok that was a bit of a joke, and I am hopeful that you left them in his cabinet.) But why would you want to leave a toothbrush and shampoo at a friend's apartment anyway? You weren't in a relationship. Carry a toothbrush in your purse, if you must, and if something happens that necessitates a shower, then use his shampoo (after asking if that is ok). But leaving personal care items in a friend's place is just sort of....odd. How many times do you really have to shower at a friend's house? Maybe he initially thought leaving your stuff at his apartment was ok and then he had second thoughts about it. When a girl leaves stuff at a man's place when they aren't in a serious relationship... it will most likely make him think we (girls) are psycho. So maybe he got scared... even if you two were just friends. Because even if he DID have romantic feelings for you... leaving your stuff at his place is still a sticky situation and can scare him away anyway. Think about it like this.... if you were dating a guy... and you went back to his place and saw a second toothbrush and girl shampoo in the bathroom... you'd probably wonder... WTF!!! If your not his GF... then it's a no no... even if you ARE good friends. At least i thought that we were close or in a relationship. We were seeing each other so often & that i was in his house also very often. hence, the reason for the toothbrush. And no-no, i don't leave toothbrushes in any friend's house. That would be very weird & absolutely not polite. P.S: He was single at that time... & also single for 6 months after he wanted no contact from me ;-)
Author MinziGirl Posted June 8, 2009 Author Posted June 8, 2009 The guy is an idiot. He said yes to leaving the stuff there and then breaks the freindship. Very childish behavior. If he didn't want the OP to leave the stuff there, he should have said "no". As I guy I'm not sure if I'd of allowed it. It would despend upon the specifics of the situation. I would have respected that NO big time. I also wonder why he allowed it in the first place then issued the no contact email. There is no need to be polite in such situations.
carhill Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 OP, he's just whacked. Now, if it had been tampons.....
Lucky_One Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 So you were FBs? In that case, I suspect you asked, he replied knee-jerk that it was ok, and after thinking about it, he decided that you were getting expectations about the relationship and that he was giving you mixed signals, so he decided to "unmix" his signal.
Author MinziGirl Posted June 8, 2009 Author Posted June 8, 2009 So you were FBs? In that case, I suspect you asked, he replied knee-jerk that it was ok, and after thinking about it, he decided that you were getting expectations about the relationship and that he was giving you mixed signals, so he decided to "unmix" his signal. Then why was he deliberately chased me at that time & then drop me like a hot potato? Is it some kind of a game of his?
Lucky_One Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I don't know. I don't know anything about how he deliberately chased you. All I know is that you weren't in a relationship and were just friends, and then you were FBs. Sounds like you wanted more than to just be a f&ck buddy, and you pushed the envelope a bit, and he pushed back harder.
Author MinziGirl Posted June 8, 2009 Author Posted June 8, 2009 I don't know. I don't know anything about how he deliberately chased you. All I know is that you weren't in a relationship and were just friends, and then you were FBs. Sounds like you wanted more than to just be a f&ck buddy, and you pushed the envelope a bit, and he pushed back harder. TRied to edit my last post but couldn't. To be honest, during that time, i remembered that i was the one who was caring for this a lot. Wasn't searching for any Fb's or f & D situation... anyway, i have never done F & D or Fb's in my life. I cared more than he did but he wasn't unguilty of not misleading me
carhill Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 OP, I realized that we're in the present and this was the distant past, so the friend may not even be alive anymore, but your memory sparks the question.... what does it mean when someone leaves their 'stuff' at another person's house? Personally, I do it for convenience, so not having to drag a suitcase/toiletry kit, etc. around all the time. If I'm there a lot, and especially if it isn't nearby, where I can 'run home', it makes my life much easier. The reverse holds true as well. Perhaps women attach more meaning to stuff. I know my wife certainly does. That said, I'm sure she doesn't attach significant meaning to my work clothes and toothbrush being at her house. I'm not 'marking' my territory. We're getting a D and I'm just working on her house to get it finished. Then I'll be happy to remove said items. No rancor, no cold shoulders. No big deal. She left some tampons at my place....probably forgot them. I use them to soak up spills TBH, when you're young, all those little signals seem so important, but, when you get older, you realize it's just bits of life. No big deal. So, hopefully, your old friend has evolved to a more stable place over the years. Find him and leave something at his house
39388 Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I would have respected that NO big time. I also wonder why he allowed it in the first place then issued the no contact email. There is no need to be polite in such situations. Then why was he deliberately chased me at that time & then drop me like a hot potato? Is it some kind of a game of his? He is definitely a game playing idiot. It's horrible to have someone drop you as a friend like that. He showed himself to be truly a wuss that he couldn't even do it face to face or even over the phone. The bright side, at least long term, is that you learned his true nature and are better off without such a low quality person in your life.
shadowplay Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 He just sounds like a dick. I wouldn't make any generalizations about guys based on his behavior.
fishtaco Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I'm confused. So you were sleeping with him? "Friend" is a term so overloaded with meaning you never know what the nature of the relationship really is. If it's a sex only relationship, leaving your personal items could be too much. It could mean you're trying to step up to the next level. Some people would balk at that if that's not what they want. And if it's sex only, he doesn't owe you anything. Or... you said he was chasing you. Well, maybe he was falling for you, but you were not interested, so he took the advice from the breaking up section right here on LS and went NC. Which is actually the right thing to do.
alphamale Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I once had a friend & i have lost that friendship many years ago because i have left a toothbrush & my shampoo in his toilet. We weren't in a relationship but since i was at his place very often, i figured that it would be more convienent to leave some of my 'essential' stuff there. Of course i did ask for his permission before i do that & he said it was ok. were you having sex with said "friend"??
BCCA Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Here is my take: You were a FWB, and you probably liked him more, or were more invested in the relationship. He probably knew it was terminal, and fun while it lasted. Women leave things at a guys house, in his car, etc. so that they have a reason to come back. As a guy, when women do this, we either A) feel good that they want to come back, or B) get annoyed that we're being forced into a situation where we have to see that person again to return stuff. My guess is he had another woman over, even if it was just another one night stand, and had to ditch your stuff. After doing so, he realized the only thing to do was push you away for good. He may have also just been a weirdo, and flipped out. The point to remember is that obviously this wasnt the guy for you
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 She left some tampons at my place....probably forgot them. I use them to soak up spills LOL...they're great for bloody noses, too, from what I've heard. To the OP...I don't think the relationship between the two of you was clearly defined in your post. A couple have asked the question - WERE you two sleeping together? This changes the dynamics entirely. If you were JUST platonic friends, then the situation is confusing. If there was sex involved, well - that complicates everything.
SoulSearch_CO Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 Maybe he was a student of the Tom Leykis 101 class: A bunch of people follow this guy, he is anti-relationships and anything resembling. OMG. This guy is a pig.
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