xBellax Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 I've been with my partner for almost 2 years. When I put it all down on paper for how a perfect bf should be, its my partner. He's considerate, generous, loving, faithful etc. Unfortunately, I don't want all of that. Strange, i know. I love him but i've recognized that i'm no longer IN love with him. I've been thinking about breaking up with him for so long now that I know its not me going through a commitment phobe phase, so to save my mental state, I think it would be the right thing for me. I'm almost certain however that this isn't going to be right for him. He's always been more in love with me than i've been with him. Also not a good sign. I know i have to be honest with him and I plan to be, but i would really like some tips to help me in doing this without destroying any chance of us being friends or even maybe sorting things out in the future. Either way i'm going to be breaking his heart, but i want some help so I don't completely crush his feelings. I don't want him thinking about the break-up conversation and picking it to pieces and blaming himself for it. Advice?
wow123 Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Either way he is going to be devastated. You need to sit down with him and be completely honest. Try to make him understand how you are feeling and why. Also, make sure that you tell him there is no chance of getting back together.
Ronni_W Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 My suggestions: 1. Don't give him mixed messages and false hope with talk of "maybe sorting things out in the future". 2. Let HIM decide if he wants to, or can, be friends. Let him suggest it, rather than you offering it (mixed message, potential for instilling false hope.) 3. Offer to be available after the break-up conversation, if he has any questions or needs any further clarification. 4. Make sure that you use language that is not blaming/accusing, etc. Use "I statements" like crazy 5. Remind yourself that the sole purpose of the break-up conversation to break-up in as kind a way as possible. Set aside your own interests and desires for future friendship and/or future reconciliation as that could cloud your mind and result in you giving him mixed messages and false hope...and that will not be kind. 6. Maybe just break-up with him? Don't try to hedge your bets, so to speak, by ALSO wanting him in your future, in one form or another. Good luck. You will feel crappy/guilty; you will break his heart. But it sounds as if you know in your heart that this is the best thing for you, and that knowledge will carry you through.
Exit Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Just tell him that you ARE doing the most loving thing possible by telling him your true feelings. And I agree with the replies above, right now don't dangle the possible of "Friendship" or "future" in front of him right now. Frankly that's also a cheap way to make this a little easier on yourself, by knowing that you can keep in touch with him and make sure he is OK. He is going to be in a world of pain and you should have to experience some discomfort too. Don't ask to be friends just because it would make it easier on you.
boogieboy Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Yeah no matter which way you do it, you are going to have to deal with the guilt. So gather up all the reasons you fell out of love with him so he understands. I dont agree with the friends route, it will torture both of you. Make a clean break and you both should cut off communication with each other. he will heal much better if he never gets to talk to you. If you dont, he will hold on to you for as long as he can. Also if you found someone else you might be interested in, you better come clean with that too, because he will think that at some point. A good idea might be to put forth your reasons here first so you can have sort of a script just in case you get a lil emotional and forget certain things.
boogieboy Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Yeah no matter which way you do it, you are going to have to deal with the guilt. So gather up all the reasons you fell out of love with him so he understands. He will need closure now. I dont agree with the friends route, it will torture both of you. Make a clean break and you both should cut off communication with each other. he will heal much better if he knows he cannot talk to you. If you dont, he will hold on to you for as long as he can. Also if you found someone else you might be interested in, you better come clean with that too, because he will think that at some point, but it will help his closure if you tell him up front. A good idea might be to put forth your reasons here first so you can have sort of a script just in case you get a lil emotional and forget certain things.
cowboys1 Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Just don't give false hope.... Me and my x broke it off 3 weeks ago and have still been hanging out.. Seems like more often then when we were together and that is still making me feel like there is some hope and am now realizing that im just hurting myself in the long run... Do not hang out, call or text.... Give him time to heal because any contact while in the healing process is just going to make him think that you might still be interested...
Author xBellax Posted June 8, 2009 Author Posted June 8, 2009 I know you're all right about the friendship thing. It sucks because he's such a top guy. He's more of a friend than a boyfriend.
Exit Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Well if he is about to lose a girlfriend then you can afford to lose a friend.
cowboys1 Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 He may be better as a friend but that's not what he wants. It will only make it hard on him. Trust me but hell use any reason to see ju too
Recommended Posts