t0ri Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 My friends tend to advise me to play "the game" regarding dating quite often. My recent ex used to be "whipped," for lack of a better term, for the first year and a half we dated. Then I got pregnant and miscarried, making me much more emotionally attached to him for some reason. So apparently the tables turned between my ex and I at that point, according to my best friend, and I became the "whipped" one. My friend says that me being always available, always down to see my ex, etc. made him begin to take me for granted. According to my friend, my ex didn't appreciate me much anymore because I wasn't a challenge, he got bored, I made him a top priority in my life, etc. When in my mind, I was loving him, and making that clear and acting however I felt. I didn't think that it was necessary to tell him I didn't want to hang out sometimes, or whatever, if that's not what I wanted. But her theory does seem to be correct. As soon as I wanted to hang out with him more often, and truly let my guard down and gave myself to him, he took me for granted and pulled away little by little. And for what it's worth, my ex, myself, and my friend are 21-22. Is it true you need to play "the game" and not be so available and such while dating? I don't really want to follow any rules like that, I just want to be myself and be REAL. Is it ever balanced to where one is not chasing or being chased? I feel like my ex and I were never equal - he chased me first, then I became the chaser.
Habeas Corpse Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 No you don't need to play "the game". All you need to do is acquire the right mix of skills. If anyone tells you to play "the game" ask her for evidence that it is more successful than any other behavior. Ask for evidence whenever someone is giving you advice. Atheists have this skill, as I eloquently explained in my thread.
Woggle Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Game playing will get somebody to chase you but will never lead to a happy relationship.
Habeas Corpse Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 I also explained brilliantly in this post why it's more important to learn new skills based on scientific principles than it is to "be yourself".
mogul Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 I always like a challenge with girls. I would say that playing "games" in the beginning is a big part of the excitement of dating. To a certain point, as things progress and get serious, i don't feel the need to play games as the relationship should be genuine.
39388 Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 I'm sick and tired of women playing the unavailability game. Nothing good ever comes of it when they tell me to call and the phone is almost never answered and calls are hardly ever returned. I'll be fair. It seems as if males play just as many idiotic games. It's time people get called out on these childish silly games.
Intricategirl Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 No. There should never be any games. You know, these games and rules are made up by insecure people who can't manage to land a lover without some form of trickery. Let me give you an example of how it should go: Last week, I had a guy I've started seeing contact me on Monday evening. He wanted to know what days would be good to get together. I told him that sadly, that was probably the best night of the week, followed by Friday. I told him other nights were probably doable, but a little iffier. He had already told me that the weekend wouldn't work and Tuesday and Thursday were out. I also told him if we couldn't make it work this week, we'd see about next week. He wrote me back a little while later, and said that his plans for that evening fell through, and if I was still game, we could meet that evening. We did. Now, a person who doesn't get the difference would say, "Oh, see! You made yourself unavailable to him, so he chased you." The kind of person who says that is an idiot. I didn't make myself unavailable to him. I WAS unavailable to him. I've got a life and friends, and other stuff I need to accomplish, and I hope to god he's mature enough that he can entertain himself when I'm not there. Likewise, he's told me several times that weekends are never a good time for him because he's catching up with friends that he can't see during the week. I think it's awesome! By all means, he should go have time with the guys, because it means when he's with me, he's really WITH me, and not thinking about soccer or what stories and adventures he's missing out on. The idea is not to make him think he's going to lose you, so you have to look like you're out dating all over town. The idea is to actually be out having fun. Make plans with your friends, take some classes, or even learn to fly a plane! The point is, you're out there having fun and living your life, and if he does call- well, it just got that much better. Stop the games, forget the rules, grow up, and just date.
loser101 Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 And for what it's worth, my ex, myself, and my friend are 21-22. Is it true you need to play "the game" and not be so available and such while dating? I don't really want to follow any rules like that, I just want to be myself and be REAL. Is it ever balanced to where one is not chasing or being chased? I feel like my ex and I were never equal - he chased me first, then I became the chaser. clue is in the age range indicated. I'm sorry but most people in their early 20s don't understand what relationships are about and they are way too pre-occupied with wanting to be 'right', look cool, being superficial and other nonsense. you sound much more mature than your friend or your ex. find yourself a man who is more mature. preferably someone over 25. a 21-year-old is just a boy
39388 Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 No. There should never be any games. You know, these games and rules are made up by insecure people who can't manage to land a lover without some form of trickery. Let me give you an example of how it should go: Last week, I had a guy I've started seeing contact me on Monday evening. He wanted to know what days would be good to get together. I told him that sadly, that was probably the best night of the week, followed by Friday. I told him other nights were probably doable, but a little iffier. He had already told me that the weekend wouldn't work and Tuesday and Thursday were out. I also told him if we couldn't make it work this week, we'd see about next week. He wrote me back a little while later, and said that his plans for that evening fell through, and if I was still game, we could meet that evening. We did. Now, a person who doesn't get the difference would say, "Oh, see! You made yourself unavailable to him, so he chased you." The kind of person who says that is an idiot. I didn't make myself unavailable to him. I WAS unavailable to him. I've got a life and friends, and other stuff I need to accomplish, and I hope to god he's mature enough that he can entertain himself when I'm not there. Likewise, he's told me several times that weekends are never a good time for him because he's catching up with friends that he can't see during the week. I think it's awesome! By all means, he should go have time with the guys, because it means when he's with me, he's really WITH me, and not thinking about soccer or what stories and adventures he's missing out on. The idea is not to make him think he's going to lose you, so you have to look like you're out dating all over town. The idea is to actually be out having fun. Make plans with your friends, take some classes, or even learn to fly a plane! The point is, you're out there having fun and living your life, and if he does call- well, it just got that much better. Stop the games, forget the rules, grow up, and just date. Excellent post! If everyone thought like you did, dating would be so much less stressful. Why not let the male game players date the female game players and the non game players date each other? If only I could pick them out.
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