Bezelbaker Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 So this is my story, I had been with my boyfriend for 3.5 years when he split with me last August. I then spend the worst 6 months of my life in absolute hell doing all the things i shouldnt do (keeping in contact etc) Feb 09 he decides he wants to try again. We split for a variety of reasons but the 2 main ones were he was seriously depressed (an affliction he has had for 10+ years) and he thought the grass was greener. In our time together we had split up and got back together 3 times never being apart for more than a week. So anyway after long long chats with him we decide to make it work, luckily i didnt move back in with him. His glourious forever he promised me lasted a mere 4 months with us breaking up again on friday! I am not sure where to go from here now, it is all the same problem that he doesnt trust himself to be able to remain faithful so Loves me but is ending things because he may hurt me in the future. I also had a few issues with trust brought on by him and his actions in the past and he couldnt deal with these as they stressed him out!!! So very angry about that little comment. I do feel better this time than all the others but it hurts so much to think that i can love someone this much and they dont love you back. I know we had problems but I hate the fact he runs away from them rather than trying to face them head on with me to grow together and make us stronger, he takes the cowards way out! I know the realtionship wasnt perfect but then i am a realist and know things cant ever be perfect. I know feel a complete failure I'm 28 in a month and had to move home to my parents. I feel lost and i'm so scared i will never meet anyone else again. Being a late bloomer he was my first serious boyfriend, my first love and the first man i lived with and all that is gone. I just want him to change his mind but i also know that wont happen. What do i do now to get over him? Need help and guidance to find my way again! Thanks in advance
NiceGuy4Ever Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Well that does sound like a very stressful situation. First Loves are always the hardest to forget. What I suggest is you need to input in his head that he needs to face these problems and you'll be by his side. (although I'm pretty sure you've already done that). I feel it would not be the best thing to go back to him if he thinks he'll hurt you and has in the past. I know it's hard and trust me I know but you have to remember that it is important to realize that you are worthy of someone who will probably Love you more than he did. He was your first and it didn't work out, it happens. You're a realist and should know deep down inside that there IS someone out there for you. Just always keep that in mind. Rely on your friends and family because though Lovers come and go, your BFFs and family will always be there for you. I suggest cut all contact with him by deleting email address, phone numbers, and hiding away his gift such as cards, notes, gifts etc. Get involved in activities that will replace the time you spent with him. Let yourself out with writing or poetry. They say time heals all wounds and we know it doesn't go by fast but just keep in mind there's always someone who is probably going through the same thing you are in the world and that you can find help in this community. I know it gets old hearing it but there's more fish in the sea and even if you really wanted to catch this fish, there's probably one that is better than that one and will gladly be caught by you. Hope this helps.
Exit Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Don't let those fears about "nobody else" get to you. Plenty of people on this planet. Frankly I would never believe a guy who says "I worry that I won't be faithful to you in the future". I think something already happened, or is currently happening. Or he's just scared of commitment and that weak excuse was his way out. You were fortunate to be able to try again with him after 6 months. Some people never get that chance. But it didn't work out again. It is time to move on. It can be especially tough when it is your first love. Spend a few days grieving, there is NOTHING wrong with that. But then slowly try to recover. Go out with friends, go for a walk, anything you enjoy. Do not feel bad about having to move back home, with the way the world is these days, it's not that rare.
Author Bezelbaker Posted June 8, 2009 Author Posted June 8, 2009 Thank you for your kind words. I know it is probably for the best because he doesnt want this like i do, but i cant stop thinking if only i convince him otherwise! Crazy i know. Guess i am a sucker for punishment! I guess I am a bit of a control freak and hate the uncertainty of my life at the moment, at least with him i had things mapped out to a certain extent. I just want him to see sense but this is the real kicker i suppose where i feel like we could work he is adamant we wont. I have to keep telling myself he doesnt want this, no matter how much i do! Life is pretty crappy at the moment, what makes it worse is he could take it all away. Ok need to stop wallowing now, thank you for the replys they really help me.
NiceGuy4Ever Posted June 15, 2009 Posted June 15, 2009 Your welcome and just remember you are worth more. Look your better than this and you don't have to validate yourself through another person's life. You do not need a significant other to live life. You should just stop seeking something that isn't there and move on. In the long run it'll be the best thing to do. Especially for you.
Recommended Posts