Broke up with him... now questioning my decison... but I screwed up!

[H0ney]

Hello all-

 

First of all, thanks in advance for any and all input. Sorry if it gets lengthy!

 

I'll start off with some background... I dated my now ex-boyfriend for about 2.5 years. In the beginning I was SO IN LOVE with him, in every way. We literally were (and still are) 2 peas in a pod as far as personality goes. He was my best friend in an instant... (for 2 years straight)...and I was sooo attracted to him- could not keep my hands off him.

 

Mind you we were and still are young; now 22 (me) and 24. I broke it off because he had hurt me by lying to me a handful of times throughout our relationship- mostly over stupid stuff but one thing he lied about that really serious was about his grades. His parents pay for school and he lives 30 secs from it (UNIVERSITY not community college) and he would not go and then lie about it. Therefore wasting THOUSANDS!!!! We had multiple attempts to talk about this and nothing ever changed. On top of this he became an unmotivated, lazy, overweight...... "LOSER" using my apartment as a hangout, and we turned into drinking buddies pretty much. I am the opposite- very motivated, goal setting, etc

 

 

Well, ever since we stopped seeing each other (~2-3 months) he has done a complete 360. Lost 35lbs, has a 90% in his summer class, is going to buy a house, started a 401K (something he made fun of me for wanting to do)...

 

So we hung out a ~a week ago for 48 hours straight basically.. and he sorta smothered me telling me over and over how he'd make me that happiest woman in the world, he loves me so much, etc etc etc. But we did have an amazing time like old times! My problem is though- I've experienced freedom for the first time ever (I've basically had bf's nonstop since age 16) and I'm not sure if I'm ready to give it up-the thought of marriage terrifies me right now. And with him, it didn't feel the same as when I was with him... I didn't even want to kiss/cuddle him... so I broke up with him, kinda, again a 2nd time and we haven't spoke since! He literally went into the fetal position, sobbing and bawling saying "please dont do this again"- I honestly don't believe I'll ever find another man that will love me like he does.

 

 

I do miss him and what we had but I feel like I need a man I will always want to kiss/cuddle/everything else! But even despite that, what I'm seriously questioning if I will ever find that sort of connection with anyone else in my future. I try to be optomistic and tell myself I will because after all I'm only 22! But I'm just scared I won't... No one can make me laugh like he can and it scares me that that is gone. My best F*cking friend is gone forever..

 

And, (he does know I slept with @ least 1 other guy since him)... BUT to put it simply, I have enjoyed my single life so far.. and if he knew 1/2 the things I have done, he would never take me back... and if he did.. if he ever found out...

 

Ahhhhhhhhhh!

[NiceGuy4Ever]

Okay it seems that you are better off without this guy. When you where with him and he was ignoring his responsibilities, it put him in a uneasy situation. For his sake it's better maybe not to go back. I know it is horrible to lose a BFF (Trust me I should know, it was my fault) but you will find someone I'm sure of it. There is of course no replacement for the Love other people give us but just know that there is probably someone that will Love you MORE than he ever did. Just don't contact him and you'll soon forget about him. Find ways to distract yourself. There are others in a worse position than you so don't lose hope, there is someone out there, you just haven't found them yet. Or maybe you know someone (not your ex) that could be a person like that. Hope this helps.

[Exit]

It's not fair to go back to him just because you fear nobody will ever love you as much. That's the risk you took in leaving him and it's not fair to mess with his feelings and keep coming back.

 

Maybe he genuinely changed, or maybe once you take him back he would fall back into the same old habits. Some people don't change until they realize what they risk losing. I'm the same way, I only realized how bad I had been after she left me, and she told me it was too late to try changing.

 

He knows you've slept with "at least one".... sounds like you've been playing the market pretty well and you should let him be on his own to recover and do the same.

 

You're scared of commitment. You don't know if there's better out there for you or not. So first you leave now you come back. You enjoy your freedom but you want to be loved by someone. Frankly you can't have both. I think you need to take some time being single to figure out what the heck you want before you make any other guys end up in the fetal position.

[boogieboy]

Youre 22! You got YEARS to find someone that YOU will fall in love with. Do him a favor and cut him off clean so you can start new, and so can he. No more getting in contact with each other.