chosenONE Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Hello all. Let me start by telling a brief summary of my story. It has been a little over a month now since I've broken up with my GF of 4.5 years. I had found out she had been talking to a former fling, I got mad and broke up. This was not the first time we had problems with this particular guy. Well, I expected her to attempt to reconcile and fix things, but no. Instead she hung out with him. I was devastated. Completely. I went NC, and from a few friends, I had found out they were now a couple after ONE WEEK! My life went downhill... Her new BF does not live here. He lives in Colorado and we live in Hawaii. The following week after being a couple, I heard he went back to Colorado. I'm thinking why would she just leave me and jump into a LDR so quickly? I made a decision to accept that she is gone and move on with my life with dignity. It was rough, but I can say that I am a new man, stronger than before. At the 2 week mark, I decided to make contact. Sort of, like a closure. I went over and we talked. I basically made a few mistakes and poured my feelings. She seemed awkward with the whole thing and could not really explain why she did the things she did. All she said was...people change, You were my first love, and if things were meant to be, we'd be together someday (classic grass is greener BS). I made my way out and said goodbye. I vowed to remain NC for good. Approximately a month later, she texts me saying that she was sorry about the way she talked to me when I came over and she would like to talk to me again. I didn't respond. She has hurt me so much. A week later she texts me to come over and talk. I go and she pours her heart out. She cries and tells me how much she is sorry for what she'd done. She tells me that she had broken up with the LDR guy and now realizes what she lost. I put up a guard and I showed almost no emotion, no remorse whatsoever. Our conversation leads to something I would later regret. We had sex...for the next three days. I told her that we can't have expectations, but it's too late for that now. After what she'd done to me (left me for someone else, had sex with them, etc.), I promised myself to never go back to her. EVER. She now wants me back more than ever and I told her these words: You need to take your time and give me space. For both of us. I think you need to really think things through and take care of the things you've done. I can't be involved or interfere with whatever your going through. It's your life. Even if we get back together things will never be the same. Please, just live your life and don't rush into things with your emotions. She tells me she will do whatever it takes to prove her love to me. She just doesn't let off. She texts me all day. She blows up my phone. She comes over unannounced, and being the nice guy I am. I let her talk to me. But I never put my guard down. She tries to hold my hand, touch me, but I just can't let her get what she wants. After all, where was she when I needed her so bad? What I really want is for her to know what it's like to miss someone. I want her to realize FULLY, of what she'd done to me. At the same time, I can see that she probably really does love me. As much as I still love her, I don't know what I should do. I just don't want to be the fool anymore. I am stronger than before and she can tell. But I am not strong enough to tell her off. What I really want is the "old" her back. The one that was all and only mine. What should I do? What would you tell a friend in the same situation? Thanks. Advice would be appreciated
Cloudberry Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Wow, she messed up. She lost a good thing, and it sounds like she knows it, but you can't just take her back so easily or so soon. You are still hurt, and you need to protect your heart. I would definitely put her on No Contact for a while. Maybe you can work it out a few weeks/months later, maybe not.
CaliGuy Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Well if you go NC for an extended period of contact she may move on with her life. The question is can you love and respect her again after what she did to you? If the answer is no, then cut her off for good and move on with your life. Personally, I don't think she's worth your time. She only wants you now because you don't want her. The minute you go back to her, she'll take you for granted again. Happens more often than you think.
Author chosenONE Posted June 7, 2009 Author Posted June 7, 2009 Well if you go NC for an extended period of contact she may move on with her life. The question is can you love and respect her again after what she did to you? If the answer is no, then cut her off for good and move on with your life. Personally, I don't think she's worth your time. She only wants you now because you don't want her. The minute you go back to her, she'll take you for granted again. Happens more often than you think. That's what I'm thinking. I just need TIME. a lot of it. But in my heart, I still hold the possibility of maybe, just maybe, things will change. How do I tell her off? I was never that type of guy. But I know I need to put my foot down.
Thornton Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 If you go NC she will move on. Is that what you want? If you truly want her back and think you can forgive her and trust her again, then take her back... on YOUR terms, with an explicit understanding that if she steps out of line again it's over for good. If you no longer want her, or don't think you can trust her, then you need to tell her it's over and go NC. This is your decision, nobody else can advise you... can you trust and love her again?
Author chosenONE Posted June 7, 2009 Author Posted June 7, 2009 If you go NC she will move on. Is that what you want? If you truly want her back and think you can forgive her and trust her again, then take her back... on YOUR terms, with an explicit understanding that if she steps out of line again it's over for good. If you no longer want her, or don't think you can trust her, then you need to tell her it's over and go NC. This is your decision, nobody else can advise you... can you trust and love her again? That's the problem. I think its way too soon to know exactly what I want. I'm still trying to figure it out. What's the best way for me to do this? go NC? or if she calls/texts, just answer? I never do call her for anything. And at the same time if she never calls or decides to stop...strangely, I wouldn't care as much anymore.
Recommended Posts