StoptheDrama Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 I've done it! again...for the fifth, sixth, twelfth time, I don't even know anymore...hoping this time we can finally let it go. This was the second time this week I ended it; that's a new record for us. I sent him a text ending it on Tuesday evening. He called Wednesday, I hit ignore. He left a vm that he would respect my decision. He called Thursday, I hit ignore. He called yesterday, I hit ignore. He proceeded to call five more times. I sent him a text that I would only talk to him regarding work (yes, we work together). He called again, so I answered - stupid me. He was parked outside my house where he had been for the other five calls...I should have known what would happen but I stupidly let him in. For the next three hours or so we talked, he cried (about losing me and other things). There was sobbing and actual tears. He told me that he could not accept no contact - that at the very least he needed to be friends with me, to have me in his life. He even broke out the 'L' word and said our meeting was 'karmic'. Needless to say, we ended up in bed yet again...like I said, stupid me. He left around midnight. I'm sure he had A`LOT of explaining to do. Supposedly he was busted several months ago. We ended it then too - that time it was mutually initiated. Today I sent him another text calling him out on his use of the 'L' word. Basically I told him that if we truly loved/needed eachother, we would be together but we're not. Neither one of us wants to make the necessary sacrifices to be together. I also told him that whatever emotion he feels for me is not love; that is what he feels for his wife and children. He agreed and told me that he would stop that afterhours calls and stopping over. Given our history, I'm skeptical but hopeful. In the past he's been agreeable but it's never stayed that way. I'm concerned that he was agreeable this time because he is in trouble for coming home so late last night. Crossing my fingers... I know that I am the only one that can stop my behavior but I need him to cooperate and not pursue me. I am so vulnerable to him that I cave, I always do. Our history....that's a good one. To say there were fireworks the first time we met would be a tremendous understatement. The attraction was instantaneous and palpable. He is married with two chldren and I am in a long term and currently long distance relationship. I know I got involved with him because I am vulnerable here - my support system is hundreds of miles away. After being in a relationship with him for over 15 months, I am also very emotionally involved, far more so than I am comfortable with. Do I love him? I don't know but I do know that I don't want to waste the 'L' word on him or this nonsense. Would I have gotten involved with him if I wasn't so lonely and vulnerable here? I don't know; I truly hope not. But I do know that the circumstances that enabled me to allow myself to act on my attraction to him would certainly not be the same if my BF and I were together.
fooled once Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Keep hitting ignore. Stop texting him. If you truly want to be done with this dead end relationship - STOP initiating calls and stop taking calls and for heaven's sake, stop sleeping with him. He knows he can wear you down. Stand up to him and stop the nonsense. He is married. He is a liar and a cheat. He doesn't respect you. If he did, he would STOP calling and stop sitting outside your house. He knows if he keeps it up, you will give in. No more texts and no more calls.
xxxheartbrokenxxx Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Hi and welcome to Loveshack! If you really want to make this easier for yourself then block his number/email so he cannot persue you again if you are serious about the affair being over for good this time. You say that you are unsure if you even love this guy which just makes me think what was the point in even continuing this affair? Was it for some companionship as you were away from friends and family and also your boyfriend? I understand totally how feeling lonely can make you vulnerable to things like this. Do you have many new friends in this area now? Stay strong and keep up with the NC.
Author StoptheDrama Posted June 7, 2009 Author Posted June 7, 2009 Thanks for the words of encouragement... I wish I could block his number but as we work together, I can't. I moved here for work and he is really my only friend here. One of my best friends lives an hour and a half away but we aren't able to get together that often. It's been hard to make friends here. The women I work with have been very unwelcoming to me and my schedule has not allowed me much free time. I've decided to try to find a job in my old city and move back.
alg24 Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 If you can move away from the situation it would prob. be for the best and you will in time find yourself A LOT happier. Try to ignore him as much as possible. I know how hard that is. Leave it at the place where you know he wants you and your going to move on and keep away. The longer it keeps going the harder it will be. With my affair I had many friends but I choose with keep around my MM. I soon found I just had him and very limited on who else... You must feel so alone and when you are with him you must at least not feel lonely or bored... Just cut off as much communication as possible! You keep trying to end it because YOU know its the right thing to do. Stay strong
NoIDidn't Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 If you really wanted to do as your name suggests, you would stop hounding him over his use of the word "love". The L word. He says it but apparently he means something different than you think he does. Let it go. Find ways to avoid him or avoid having to be around him so much at work. Accept that he might love you, but just isn't willing to end his M for that love. Otherwise, you aren't doing anything to actually stop the drama.
Author StoptheDrama Posted June 7, 2009 Author Posted June 7, 2009 If you really wanted to do as your name suggests, you would stop hounding him over his use of the word "love". The L word. He says it but apparently he means something different than you think he does. Let it go. Find ways to avoid him or avoid having to be around him so much at work. Accept that he might love you, but just isn't willing to end his M for that love. Otherwise, you aren't doing anything to actually stop the drama. I don't know how you can consider ending the relationship to be hounding him...or maybe you just didn't understand my thread. I ended the relationship yesterday with that text and have instituted no contact outside of work. I fully intend to have as little contact with him at work as possible without raising suspicion. At this point, there is not much more I can do. If he calls aferhours, I will not answer. If he's parked outside my house again, I will not let him in. I am doing as my name suggests, that is why I chose it.
NoIDidn't Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 I don't know how you can consider ending the relationship to be hounding him...or maybe you just didn't understand my thread. I ended the relationship yesterday with that text and have instituted no contact outside of work. I fully intend to have as little contact with him at work as possible without raising suspicion. At this point, there is not much more I can do. If he calls aferhours, I will not answer. If he's parked outside my house again, I will not let him in. I am doing as my name suggests, that is why I chose it. You started the thread YESTERDAY (caps only for clarification, no yelling here ) with "Today, I text him over his use of the L word" (in so many words). If you broke up with him yesterday, it seems it was over that text where you "called him out" on a word. That's drama. Unnecessary drama. That's what I was responding to. Sorry if that wasn't clear in my original post.
Author StoptheDrama Posted June 8, 2009 Author Posted June 8, 2009 You started the thread YESTERDAY (caps only for clarification, no yelling here ) with "Today, I text him over his use of the L word" (in so many words). If you broke up with him yesterday, it seems it was over that text where you "called him out" on a word. That's drama. Unnecessary drama. That's what I was responding to. Sorry if that wasn't clear in my original post. I ended the relationship with him using that text; I only paraphrased the text in my thread. I didn't feel it necessary to include the entire thing. It wasn't creating drama, it was ending it.
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