HisSweetThing Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Looking back, can you see where your MM prompted you to be yourself? Or did you feel that you naturally became more yourself in his presence without him prompting it? I can totally be myself with my MM. I think he had to prompt me in the beginning - the times when I hesitated to answer a question or hesitated to just be free. He has always encouraged me to let go and live! He had to help me tear down some walls that I had built up to keep other people out. Now I feel safer and more secure with my MM than I do with anybody else. That's kind of an oxymoron, isn't it? But I can be completely myself with him. I trust him more than I trust anybody.
StoptheDrama Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 I can totally be myself with my MM... I trust him more than I trust anybody. I felt that way too... I hope that yours turns out better than mine.
White Flower Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I'm feeling so ambiguous...is that the word? or torn. Anyhow, I would hate for potential MMs to be reading this thread and learning the 'trick' to getting an OW hooked. Excepting her how she is must certainly be the first rule.
Author dobler33 Posted June 9, 2009 Author Posted June 9, 2009 saints preserve us, that's a frightening thought. i'm sure there are plenty of predators out there who do just that - paint a pretty picture of accepting us as we are so they can get down our pants. yikes.
White Flower Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 I'm feeling so ambiguous...is that the word? or torn. Anyhow, I would hate for potential MMs to be reading this thread and learning the 'trick' to getting an OW hooked. Excepting her how she is must certainly be the first rule. Can you believe I misspelled accepting? Wow, I'm sure there's a Freudian Slip in there! I love her except... I want to be with her except... I'm willing to do whatever except... I can love her and accept her just the way she is except...
LakesideDream Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 Can you believe I misspelled accepting? Wow, I'm sure there's a Freudian Slip in there! I love her except... I want to be with her except... I'm willing to do whatever except... I can love her and accept her just the way she is except... True words. Lack of acceeptance is a recurring theme on these boards. Very few are willing or able to take things as they are and build from that point on. Life runs the gamut from the mundane to the spactacular. To be able to experiance the joy we need to let it happen. So many of us (including me) have missed those heights because we were preoccupied with avoiding the lows. In reference to the supposed Yamamoto quote, I wonder if your MM realized the historical context of his admonition. Yamamoto's reign as master of the Pacific lasted just six months. He ran wild with Kido Buntai (the Japanese Carrier fleet) sweeping the Allied opposition from the sea until meeting determined resistance at Midway island. That battle was lost by the Japanese because although inferior in material the Americans had intellegence on their side. They had broken the Japanese Naval Code and knew exactly what the Japanese were planning thus were able to form successful countermeasures. A year or so later, Yamamoto himself went "down in flames" literally having been intercepted a thousand miles behind enemy lines and shot down during an inspection tour of his forces. The same broken code was responsible for betraying his position, leading to his interception and death. The things we know and understand are often more important or valuable than we realize.
White Flower Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 True words. Lack of acceeptance is a recurring theme on these boards. Very few are willing or able to take things as they are and build from that point on. Life runs the gamut from the mundane to the spactacular. To be able to experiance the joy we need to let it happen. So many of us (including me) have missed those heights because we were preoccupied with avoiding the lows. In reference to the supposed Yamamoto quote, I wonder if your MM realized the historical context of his admonition. Yamamoto's reign as master of the Pacific lasted just six months. He ran wild with Kido Buntai (the Japanese Carrier fleet) sweeping the Allied opposition from the sea until meeting determined resistance at Midway island. That battle was lost by the Japanese because although inferior in material the Americans had intellegence on their side. They had broken the Japanese Naval Code and knew exactly what the Japanese were planning thus were able to form successful countermeasures. A year or so later, Yamamoto himself went "down in flames" literally having been intercepted a thousand miles behind enemy lines and shot down during an inspection tour of his forces. The same broken code was responsible for betraying his position, leading to his interception and death. The things we know and understand are often more important or valuable than we realize. I know he really enjoyed Flags of Our Fathers, both the movie and the book, yet Yamamoto was actually misquoted (no evidence of letter produced) but MM's overall meaning was waking me up sexually. Maybe he was like the Japanese, or Yamamoto himself, and I was like the Americans--intelligence on my side? LOL. And I agree, we need to value that which we understand and know. Getting back to the 'acceptance' subject... I love her except...not as much as myself, my life, and everyone else in it. I want to be with her except...I want everyone else who is already in my life more. I'm willing to do whatever except...I can only do this when I can grab a free moment. I can love her and accept her just the way she is except...it only happens in my spare time. When they love and accept us as we are in the beginning all we see are the possibilities. After we see where the R is going, we see that they only see us that way in the few hours per week they give us. Outside of that, and they're scared s***less of us. That is when they don't see us as we are, but who they need us to be--alone and waiting for them.
Author dobler33 Posted June 9, 2009 Author Posted June 9, 2009 Can you believe I misspelled accepting? Wow, I'm sure there's a Freudian Slip in there! I love her except... I want to be with her except... I'm willing to do whatever except... I can love her and accept her just the way she is except... LOL! yes, your slip was definitely showing on that one. and a beautiful interpretive turn you make of it, too. very moving and insightful. ever thought of becoming an analyst? i am just loving all the smart people responding here. lakeside, i do so appreciate a good history geek - my H and i are inveterate ones as well.
White Flower Posted June 9, 2009 Posted June 9, 2009 LOL! yes, your slip was definitely showing on that one. and a beautiful interpretive turn you make of it, too. very moving and insightful. ever thought of becoming an analyst? i am just loving all the smart people responding here. lakeside, i do so appreciate a good history geek - my H and i are inveterate ones as well.Yes, actually, it was the thing I wanted the most before I married. My exH was against it as putting him through college at the time was the goal, then me. Of course I was never going to get there while married to him! But thank you for the compliment, I would have made a good analyst. How are you feeling today?
Author dobler33 Posted June 10, 2009 Author Posted June 10, 2009 Yes, actually, it was the thing I wanted the most before I married. My exH was against it as putting him through college at the time was the goal, then me. Of course I was never going to get there while married to him! But thank you for the compliment, I would have made a good analyst. How are you feeling today? no WAY!!!! it is never too late, my dear. you would, and could, make a fantastic analyst, just judging by the compassion of your posts and that sharp little lacanian turnabout you just performed with accept/except. i HIGHLY encourage you to check out some local programs. hell, my 68 year old mother is currently getting her pharmacy tech certification. never, never, never too late. and i'm feeling better, thank you. the H and i have had phenomenally moving and constructive conversations for the last 4 days and a lot of ground has been covered. there is still the ache, but reading the posts from folks who are 6 weeks or so behind me chronologically (in terms of how recently the A ended, that is) reminds me of how far i've come, how much less pain there is now. it seems to me now that the ache is something that lingers but in a less and less injurious way, until it's like a trick knee that only acts up when it rains. that's my hope, anyway. some days are still a pain in the arse (or the knee;)) but it gets better all the time. i'm a little worried because my H is leaving for a summer tour on sunday. i'm not worried that i'll have some kind of weak moment and try to contact the xMM, but we're so close right now that it's going to hurt a lot when he leaves. that was what had started to happen over years of doing this - it was always so painful to be away from him that the easiest thing to do was to stop caring if he left. and that's how i got to a place where i let someone else in. now not only is that someone else gone but because i've been all opened up and raw w my H, now all that ache and ouch is going to be inescapable when he leaves. not sure how to cope with that for now, but i guess i'll just keep writing and live through it. i lived through the end of the A, after all. not much is all that scary anymore.
White Flower Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Will your H be able to email, text, or call? For me this would help tremendously. Funny, I went through the same thing with my ex when he left. After a while I just got used to it. I don't know if that means I stopped caring or not but I did get used to it. Even scarrier, I didn't look forward to him coming back, but he isn't as communicative or caring as your H sounds and it appears you two will be allright. Thanks for the fine compliment once again. I did go back and get my AA degree. I took a year off to figure out how to save my house during the D among many other things such as starting a small business and will probably return to school in the fall. Is the psych world doing allright in this economy?
Author dobler33 Posted June 10, 2009 Author Posted June 10, 2009 Will your H be able to email, text, or call? For me this would help tremendously. Funny, I went through the same thing with my ex when he left. After a while I just got used to it. I don't know if that means I stopped caring or not but I did get used to it. Even scarrier, I didn't look forward to him coming back, but he isn't as communicative or caring as your H sounds and it appears you two will be allright. Thanks for the fine compliment once again. I did go back and get my AA degree. I took a year off to figure out how to save my house during the D among many other things such as starting a small business and will probably return to school in the fall. Is the psych world doing allright in this economy? yes, he recently got a laptop so he could skype from faraway places. i had stopped looking forward to my H coming back, precisely because he had stopped being communicative and caring. there's nothing worse than being lonely when you're sitting next to your spouse on the couch. at least when he was gone i had a reason for my loneliness, and eventually i just didn't even notice i was lonely anymore because i got so calloused over. now we are indeed doing better, and he has reclaimed some of the caring and communication he was capable of when we married, and i have remembered how much i like being around him. so it's just gonna SUCK all over again when he leaves. i guess i should be grateful - missing him when he's gone is better than missing him when he's sitting right next to me, right? the psych world is shaky like everywhere else, but it'll take you a good few years to get to the licensure stage, by which time all the pundits are saying there will have been some recovery. and anyway, pretty much any career besides plumbing is at death's door these days, so you might as well go learn something you're passionate about. and it sounds like you are!
White Flower Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 i guess i should be grateful - missing him when he's gone is better than missing him when he's sitting right next to me, right? Absolutely right about that! I remember feeling even MORE lonely when he was home in the end. That is the worst, most frustrating feeling in the world. Yes, it is better to miss them when they're gone as opposed to being in the same room and missing them.
bentnotbroken Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Absolutely right about that! I remember feeling even MORE lonely when he was home in the end. That is the worst, most frustrating feeling in the world. Yes, it is better to miss them when they're gone as opposed to being in the same room and missing them. Amen to that.
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