Chrome Barracuda Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Devika, It's not a question of him leaving you. You must leave him. Your husband is not respecting your honesty. You are honest and open gal. You did what many ladies do during early age ..it happens with every body ....at different phase of time. Do you feel that ur husband is virgin! Can he assure that he did not have any kind relationship withy any girl earlier to ur marriage. Oh yeah nice idea!!! Blame the guy for her not keeping her legs closed!!!!! Way to go!!!!
dunstable Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 ... i had to lie about some things because of his behaviour. whats worst is when he and I was dating i had sex with my boss a couple of times. My boss had called for me while we were out, i told my boyfriend at the time it was important that i get some information and i'd be right back i left him at the club went with my boss, had sex and came back. ...? That is one of the most awful stories I have ever heard. If you will never behave like that again, and he doesn't know you did it, and he is happy in the relationship, maybe it is justified to keep quiet about it. If any of these conditions don't apply, then do him a kindness and leave him.
vir Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Leave this guy , u r so honest and ur every point is honest expression of what u r. u shall find q of guys waiting 4 u. Hope u the best devika
Author devika Posted June 15, 2009 Author Posted June 15, 2009 I think he's going to leave me and i can't blame him. we have two vehicles the prado is mine and the civic is his. recently he told he needs to use the prado and now i am left with the civic. i think he's having an affair. He regularly comes home late and then goes out again. he doesn't ask me to go out now, instead i have to suggest it. and we don't talk much about anything. He's created this whole new world and is staring into space most of the times we're together, like he's dreaming and his eyes become so glossy to the point of crying. Why is he hurting so much? He says he wants to work it out but he's changed so much. what's hapenning guys!!!
Author devika Posted June 15, 2009 Author Posted June 15, 2009 So I'm not sure if I understand properly-are you saying that you slept with your boss before you met your husband and a few times while you were dating and your husband is mad about your past before you met him? Where you two in an exclusive relationship when you were having sex with your boss or were you and you husband just dating at the time? If you did not have an exclusive relationship with your then bf now husband, then he is in the wrong here...you past should not be used against you... However, if you had an exclusive relationship then you were very wrong and you must accept the consequences of your actions. I'm sorry to say that it happened while we were dating and also when we were going steady. you see we only dated for a couple of years and my boss pressured me into sex soon after hearing about my engagement. I left that job immediately after that. My Husband says I should have given him a piece of my mind. When you're in the fire you can barley think.
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 16, 2009 Posted June 16, 2009 I think he's going to leave me and i can't blame him. we have two vehicles the prado is mine and the civic is his. recently he told he needs to use the prado and now i am left with the civic. i think he's having an affair. He regularly comes home late and then goes out again. he doesn't ask me to go out now, instead i have to suggest it. and we don't talk much about anything. He's created this whole new world and is staring into space most of the times we're together, like he's dreaming and his eyes become so glossy to the point of crying. Why is he hurting so much? He says he wants to work it out but he's changed so much. what's hapenning guys!!! An affair is something you would do.... are you sure your not just projecting on that? He is distancing himself from you, but that doesn't mean it's over. You need to step up and be worthy of his love. Because of your lies, the woman he thought he married no longer exists... Now it's your job to make him fall in love with you minus the lies. I'm sorry to say that it happened while we were dating and also when we were going steady. you see we only dated for a couple of years and my boss pressured me into sex soon after hearing about my engagement. I left that job immediately after that. My Husband says I should have given him a piece of my mind. When you're in the fire you can barley think. You can't change the past. You have to put in the effort to change the future!
proton Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 I said it before and I will repeat it again... and again.. and again. HONESTY IS NOT ALWAYS A GOOD IDEA!!!! ..... PEOPLE.. NOT ALL TRUTHS ARE GOOD TO DIVULGE!!!!! You are so right. I can't explain it well but it definitely has to do with building an image that "dupes" people into being attracted to you (the selfish gene stuff). then, especially in this case, you find out what's really lurking behind the curtains... more add on for the jaded imo.
Dexter Morgan Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 whenever we get angry he throws it in my face and its been over 6 months now 6 months aint a whole lot of time for someone that has been hurt by the discovery of cheating to just "get over it" as I'm sure you just want him to do. and he still asks me stupid details like what happened and why'd i do it and what kind of person was I. you dismiss this as stupid. I would agree that they aren't details that a betrayed partner really needs....but this is the kind of devestation cheating causes. He is reeling inside, he is hurt because of what you did. For you to dismiss his pain by saying his questions are "stupid", would indicate to me why you are in this predicament in the first place. The truth is it happened and even though i didn't want it to, I let it. you didn't want it to? don't think so. you don't have sex with people you don't want to unless they rape you. and it wasn't just one time you had sex with your boss.....must be alot of sex didn't want to happen and you just let it:confused: I was young and naive and didn't know how to stop a person whom i knew, from taking sexual advantage of me. i thought it was the natural cycle of life when someone tells you they love you. But when i met him everything changed i wanted to be with him. i went with my boss that night at the club because he threatened to tell my boyfriend (now husband) everything. I didn't know what to do so i allowed what I thought was natural to happen. lets say you are telling the truth here and this isn't just a big excuse....what stopped you from having sex with your boss after you were married? did your boss just lose interest? did he leave? and is he still your boss? and I'm sure there are dumb people out there, but your boss threatening you if you don't go out with him, have sex with him, whatever...is setting himself up for a lawsuit. so I'm just reading the story with a little bit of cynicism. He knows all this and says he forgives me. You know he cried after I told him almost every night for about a month. I think he still does but doesn't let me know. And still he throws my past, most of which was before I met him, in my face. he may have forgiven you, but the pain is something that will take time for him to work through. If he has forgiven you and you are working at keeping the marriage....then he will need to stop throwing it in your face after a period of time. And really...you deserve that for a period of time. but there comes a time, and I cannot tell you when that will be, that he needs to stop bringing it up. Maybe a year or better? i don't know. But again, do you still work with your boss or see him on occasion? If so, then your husband would be right to "throw it in your face" until you do something about the situation. If you still see him, you need to take steps to not see him. If you work with him, then its time to start looking for another job. If neither of these is true, then the throwing it back in your face will need to stop sometime, but like I said, 6 months isn't alot of time for most people to get past the f#####g over someone has dealt them. what do I do? you give him more time and realize that he is hurting.
Dexter Morgan Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 Devika, It's not a question of him leaving you. You must leave him. Your husband is not respecting your honesty. being honest does not absolve her of responsibility and it does not give her a pass to be consequence free. being honest doesn't take away her husband's pain. Yes, good that she was honest about what she did, but if she really wants this marriage, then she has to be patient with him while he works through his pain....even if that means in the end he might leave anyway. You are honest and open gal. lying to him saying she was going to get some info regarding work, but really went to have sex with her boss.....thats your idea of honesty? You did what many ladies do during early age ..it happens with every body no, it doesn't happen with everybody. Do you feel that ur husband is virgin! Can he assure that he did not have any kind relationship withy any girl earlier to ur marriage. what the hell difference does that make who he was with? Only time it would make a difference is if he cheated on her while they were committed..married or not.
Dexter Morgan Posted June 17, 2009 Posted June 17, 2009 I think he's going to leave me and i can't blame him. we have two vehicles the prado is mine and the civic is his. recently he told he needs to use the prado and now i am left with the civic. i think he's having an affair. He regularly comes home late and then goes out again. he doesn't ask me to go out now, instead i have to suggest it. and we don't talk much about anything. He's created this whole new world and is staring into space most of the times we're together, like he's dreaming and his eyes become so glossy to the point of crying. Why is he hurting so much? you really have to ask that question? He says he wants to work it out but he's changed so much. what's hapenning guys!!! Its called confusion. This is what happens all too often when someone learns their spouse hasn't been faithful, whether before or after marriage, and has lied to them to go have sex with a boss. He is shifting from wanting the marriage, feeling desperate and now trapped.....to not giving a crap. This is the damage caused by cheating to some betrayed people out there.
sw1911ct Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 Better question.....why should he stay with you? edzachary!
lostsunsets Posted June 18, 2009 Posted June 18, 2009 You did your boss while you were dating. Now it comes out that you did him after you were ENGAGED to your husband. You still make light of it. I can see why your husband is so completely crushed. For all he knows you cheated after you were married........Did you?
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