devika Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 Hi, I had sex for about 2 years with my boss he's 50 and i was 20, when I got married I didn't tell my husband for a few years and when i did it began to break up my marriage, then i told him about the other guys i had sex with, because he kept asking, i had to lie about some things because of his behaviour. now i don't even turn him on and he only approaches me when he wants sex. whats worst is when he and I was dating i had sex with my boss a couple of times. My boss had called for me while we were out, i told my boyfriend at the time it was important that i get some information and i'd be right back i left him at the club went with my boss, had sex and came back. he suspected at the time but i only confirmed this during our now arguements. I'm afraid he'll leave me or have an affair. What do I do?
xpaperxcutx Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 Hi, I had sex for about 2 years with my boss he's 50 and i was 20, when I got married I didn't tell my husband for a few years and when i did it began to break up my marriage, then i told him about the other guys i had sex with, because he kept asking, i had to lie about some things because of his behaviour. now i don't even turn him on and he only approaches me when he wants sex. whats worst is when he and I was dating i had sex with my boss a couple of times. My boss had called for me while we were out, i told my boyfriend at the time it was important that i get some information and i'd be right back i left him at the club went with my boss, had sex and came back. he suspected at the time but i only confirmed this during our now arguements. I'm afraid he'll leave me or have an affair. What do I do? Have you tried marriage counseling? Since you can't be honest with him, you can't expect a happy marriage. And even if you were honest with him, he'll probably divorce you simply because he can no longer trust you. I think you should save your self the heartache and just separate.
lostsunsets Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 You lose him because you're a liar "I had to lie because of his behavior". What do you expect? I mean think about it. The girl he married was a fabrication. He thought she was true, and she wasn't.
White Flower Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Why did you leave your then boyfriend to have sex with your boss? Did you feel guilty then? Did you love your then boyfriend at the time? Do you love him more now? If so, why did you tell him, to test his love for you?
boldjack Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Devika, It's not a question of him leaving you. You must leave him. Your husband deserves an honest, loyal, and faithful wife. You are none of those things. Every day you spend with him is a lie and disrespectful to him. Whatever you say, you don't love him, if you did, you wouldn't lie or cheat. He needs to know you for how you really are, so he can find a good woman to love. Leave him and for once show him respect. He will find a true love and maybe you will find a man to be a good woman for, and not lie or cheat again.
mark982 Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 you left him at the club to have sex with your boss? i can't think of a more disrespectful thing a person can do. you husbands deserves to be set free. and i'd be willing to bet your boss wasn't the only one.you asked what you can do to help things? here's a novel idea--quit boinking other guys,but i have a feeling we're way to late to repair the damage you've done.
Lizzie60 Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 I said it before and I will repeat it again... and again.. and again. HONESTY IS NOT ALWAYS A GOOD IDEA!!!! You would not have all those problems if you had kept your little secrets for you. Now you have to deal with the consequences.. and not you or anyone on here can say what will happen in the future.. he might leave you.. it might not work out BECAUSE of that.. PEOPLE.. NOT ALL TRUTHS ARE GOOD TO DIVULGE!!!!!
Bryanp Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Were you in a serious committed relationship when you left your boyfriend (now husband) at the club to go have sex with your boss and then returned to the club? Why would you think that this was appropriate behavior? How would you feel if he had done that to you?
boldjack Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Op, Some posters would have you believe that lying and cheating are great ideas. In otherwards, people with no moral values. They are the same posters who have never had and are incapable of having, an honest, loving relationship to begin with. Ask yourself, do you think that more lies will help? Where does the lying stop? Do you want a good marriage? Do you believe that ALL of your little secrets, will stay secret. Leave him, and start a new HONEST RELATIONSHIP, WITH SOMEONE ELSE.
Dexter Morgan Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Hi, I had sex for about 2 years with my boss he's 50 and i was 20, when I got married I didn't tell my husband for a few years and when i did it began to break up my marriage, then i told him about the other guys i had sex with, because he kept asking, i had to lie about some things because of his behaviour. now i don't even turn him on and he only approaches me when he wants sex. whats worst is when he and I was dating i had sex with my boss a couple of times. My boss had called for me while we were out, i told my boyfriend at the time it was important that i get some information and i'd be right back i left him at the club went with my boss, had sex and came back. he suspected at the time but i only confirmed this during our now arguements. I'm afraid he'll leave me or have an affair. What do I do? Nothing you really can do. you can try to show your H you have changed, but he now sees you as a woman that has sex with bosses. And you cheated on him with your boss before you were married. You can try to tell him it was before you were married, but if he is devestated by the info, there is nothing you can do but give him time. As far as him having an affair, if he is worth his salt, he won't stoop to that level.....but maybe you need to feel what it feels like for someone you love to get up to his balls in another woman.
Dexter Morgan Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 I said it before and I will repeat it again... and again.. and again. HONESTY IS NOT ALWAYS A GOOD IDEA!!!! You would not have all those problems if you had kept your little secrets for you. Now you have to deal with the consequences.. and not you or anyone on here can say what will happen in the future.. he might leave you.. it might not work out BECAUSE of that.. problem shifting. maybe instead of wondering if she should tell her H about what she did, that she never cheat on him in the first place?? hmmm? married or not.
Dexter Morgan Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Were you in a serious committed relationship when you left your boyfriend (now husband) at the club to go have sex with your boss and then returned to the club? I would assume she was, otherwise he wouldn't have been her boyfriend.
Untouchable_Fire Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Hi, I had sex for about 2 years with my boss he's 50 and i was 20, when I got married I didn't tell my husband for a few years and when i did it began to break up my marriage, then i told him about the other guys i had sex with, because he kept asking, i had to lie about some things because of his behaviour. now i don't even turn him on and he only approaches me when he wants sex. whats worst is when he and I was dating i had sex with my boss a couple of times. My boss had called for me while we were out, i told my boyfriend at the time it was important that i get some information and i'd be right back i left him at the club went with my boss, had sex and came back. he suspected at the time but i only confirmed this during our now arguements. I'm afraid he'll leave me or have an affair. What do I do? Just relax. Try to be as good as you can and see what he does. There is a fair chance he will get over it in time. Remember, you gave him a bait and switch, and he is rightfully angry with you! Your not the person he thought he married. Give him some time to accept the real you. married for 7 years with a 4yr old son How long has he had to get over this? You can count forward from the last time you got caught lying. So if you lied about something last week... then he has had 1 week.
Author devika Posted June 10, 2009 Author Posted June 10, 2009 whenever we get angry he throws it in my face and its been over 6 months now and he still asks me stupid details like what happened and why'd i do it and what kind of person was I. The truth is it happened and even though i didn't want it to, I let it. I was young and naive and didn't know how to stop a person whom i knew, from taking sexual advantage of me. i thought it was the natural cycle of life when someone tells you they love you. But when i met him everything changed i wanted to be with him. i went with my boss that night at the club because he threatened to tell my boyfriend (now husband) everything. I didn't know what to do so i allowed what I thought was natural to happen. He knows all this and says he forgives me. You know he cried after I told him almost every night for about a month. I think he still does but doesn't let me know. And still he throws my past, most of which was before I met him, in my face. what do I do? I also think the problem may be he only had sex with one partner before me. He told me it was a mistake which he never allowed to happen again until we met and decided to marry.
JLR621 Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 My husband does this to me too every once in awhile(throws the past in my face), but only when we are in a serious argument when he thinks I have checked out a guy. I have never cheated on him, nor has he on me. And he doesnt exactly have a "clean slate" past. But for some reason he acts like i am the spawn of satan to have my own past. I think it has to do with society's double standard, men can do what they please while women must stay pure.......bull****, but its true. I am also struggling in how to make him understand all that has nothing at all to do with him. I just dont get it. I would say give him time, and during that time do everything you can to prove to him you have changed. Let him read emails, text messages, see phone calls, anything he feels he needs to know. He is trying to reassure himself and see if your still hiding things. Once he sees your not hiding anything things might get better. Remember there is always that chance they wont, but it's worth a try. Pay attention to his body language and listen to what he has to say. And try to stay clam when he makes remarks in anger, he has good reason to be. http://www.loveshack.org/forums/t191317/ <~~still accepting all the advice I can get.
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 He's in anger mode!!! he has every right to be angry his whole relationship was a lie and he probably didnt want to get married to a woman who can be so loose with hers! Bottom line is he probably feels duped and now that your feeling a little remorseful about your actions your sorry, why didnt you just say no when you was dating, wasnt your boyfriend important enough to be faithful then?
RunawayTrain Posted June 10, 2009 Posted June 10, 2009 Wow, it utterly amazes me how some people live in their own skin. Contrary to some of the morally bankrupt Loveshackers opinion you have moral obligation of telling your husband that you were unfaithful. Honesty in my opinion is always the best policy no matter what the consequences. Once you take that vow, you are held accountable for your actions.
love2dance Posted June 11, 2009 Posted June 11, 2009 So I'm not sure if I understand properly-are you saying that you slept with your boss before you met your husband and a few times while you were dating and your husband is mad about your past before you met him? Where you two in an exclusive relationship when you were having sex with your boss or were you and you husband just dating at the time? If you did not have an exclusive relationship with your then bf now husband, then he is in the wrong here...you past should not be used against you... However, if you had an exclusive relationship then you were very wrong and you must accept the consequences of your actions.
vir Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 Devika, It's not a question of him leaving you. You must leave him. Your husband is not respecting your honesty. You are honest and open gal. You did what many ladies do during early age ..it happens with every body ....at different phase of time. Do you feel that ur husband is virgin! Can he assure that he did not have any kind relationship withy any girl earlier to ur marriage.
lkjh Posted June 12, 2009 Posted June 12, 2009 So I'm not sure if I understand properly-are you saying that you slept with your boss before you met your husband and a few times while you were dating and your husband is mad about your past before you met him? Where you two in an exclusive relationship when you were having sex with your boss or were you and you husband just dating at the time? If you did not have an exclusive relationship with your then bf now husband, then he is in the wrong here...you past should not be used against you... However, if you had an exclusive relationship then you were very wrong and you must accept the consequences of your actions. She slept with her boss while on a date with her H. She actually left the place and banged the guy in the parking lot. How is her H in the wrong?
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