Soul Bear Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 I went out last night on the town, for probably the first time since we broke up. I had a good time (ish), but i found myself maybe 5 or 6 times scouting the bar/club for my ex........Even though I knew she wouldnt be there...probably....yet I still walked round the whole place looking for her, half expecting to see her with someone. I wanted to see her, and I didnt-all at the same time. It was really weird, I still seem to have eyes only for my ex 2 months post breakup, even though there were some pretty girls around, I got chatted up a few times, but i felt like I was being unfaithful by doing so (which im not as she dumped me-i know this) and no one really pushed my buttons like my ex does.. When I got home I was on my knees praying for my ex to find her way back to me. Im not a religious man, Im very spiritual, yet I prayed to God. I cried myself to sleep for the first time in YEARS. I drempt of her all night long in a constant dream, had a nightmare half way through and then continued to dream of her. Does this happen to anyone else when they go out? Do you find yourself 'looking' for the ex?
Excellent Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 Can't say i went around looking for my ex whenever i was out on town after the break. I did however, cry myself to sleep everytime i got home. I guess it's because of the alcohol, it weakens your mind and gets you a little bit more emotional than when you are sober. Before my ex i hadn't cried in years either, i'm not an emotional guy at all, didn't even shed a tear when one of my best childhood friends got burried a few years back. Not that i'm proud of that, i just couldn't, heh
TheBigCow Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 Hmm, I'm not really a club person do I don't know about the scouting around thing. But I do feel what you were feeling about feeling like you were being unfaithful. Even now 4 months after my breakup the thought of being with another girl makes me feel like I'm thinking of cheating on my ex (although I guess its not ex when that thought comes up).
Author Soul Bear Posted June 6, 2009 Author Posted June 6, 2009 I didnt intentionally go looking for her, but I did catch myself doing it numerous times!!
Nuala83 Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 Sigh...Whenever I go into town I have to walk past my ex's workplace and I alway look up to see if he's there. It's a huge building and there's no way of me avoiding it unless I take a massive detour. I don't know if I even want to catch a glimse of him. What frightens me the most (this has started to scare me on a daily basis) is that I'll be in town and bump into him walking hand in hand with another girl or..I dunno, just walking about looking incredibly happy. Don't get me wrong, otherwise I'm pretty happy at the moment but seeing him when I'm not ready would be too much to bear and seeing him with someone else when I wasn't expecting it would just push me over the edge!
gypsi Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 yeah i went out last night and i knew she was in town, i was looking around to see her i saw a girl that looked just like her and my heart skipped a beat!! And i dream about her frequently....i cried the morning when i woke up alone in bed and realized it was only a dream, i got hit on and they tried to kiss me but i pulled away kinda makes me feel sick to kiss someone else and yes it feels like cheating, even know that she told me she is over me i still will feel guilty when kisss someone else! And for the praying on my knees for her to come back ive done it many times before, i think ive lost my sanity over this girl i feel your pain soul bear :-(
fabulous_chk Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 The first few nights I went out were horrible, i kept at looking for him in other people. His eyes, his nose, his hair, his height. But I kept on going out till I found people I genuinely liked just by themselves, not because they resemble the ex.
crackerjax9 Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 happens to me all the time...there can be some really hot guys talking to me but all i seem to think about is my ex..im comparing every guy to him...and i go home upset just wishing wed get back togehter
Nikki Sahagin Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 Clubbing only makes me feel worse, so I try to avoid it. In my opinion, maybe its the area I live, clubs are only full of sleazy guys looking to lure in girls and I always go home with the feeling that there are no good guys out there and i've lost the only one that would ever have brought me happiness. Also when I was with him, I used to feel even more appreciative of being in a relationship when I went clubbing, because he was so decent and genuine compared to the drunken perverts that tried to lunge on me. I think i've actually just gone off clubbing altogether. Its not the place for me to find my next good guy.
t0ri Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Yes, I do. I went out last night and kept my eyes peeled for him. I'm always nervous to walk into a party, club, or bar thinking he might be in there, and we've been broken up for over 3 months. Haven't run into him yet, though, thank God. I only had eyes for my ex for the first two months, also. But this 3rd month, I'm interested in other guys. I think it's because my ex killed my last glimmer of hope for us a few weeks ago, and I've finally realized my ex is NOT as great as I thought he was.
Steadfast Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 A friend wrote me the other day, talking about this very thing. Even though it is over Soulbear, she still has control over your emotions. When the memorry of your ex is involved in everything you do, say and think, that's when it's time to go to work on yourself. Don't feel bad; it happens to everyone and is something we all need to work through, and some people take longer than others. Just be sure it's not too long. I'll add this; perhaps it isn't your ex that's still haunting your mind and heart, maybe it's pain and suffering caused by the memory or your shattered dream of a relationship with her. In other words, you are your own worst enemy because you don't want to let go of it. It is all you have left and it's yours! That's why we feel like we're cheating when we're not. Finally, consider this. You had her once, I mean, actually had her and it was great, right? Maybe the memory of what you had together is better than the real thing, but that's not my point. What I'm trying to say is if you attracted and got involved with that *great* girl, what's to stop you from meeting another great one? Plus, you are smarter and wiser now, much better equipped to detect problems and mistakes you've made before. Plus, you'll be better at reading her too. You've already proven you can do it! But...you won't meet her and you won't do the right thing is you continue to drag yourself through this pain. I suggest skipping the clubs for awhile and pick places that are mentally and spiritually healthy for you. Give yourself a break! No rush, no hurry. Find your center grasshopper...
Nedved Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 I think thats a great post Steadfast and you summed up exactly how i feel right now. I think a lot of my memories of my ex are clouded by sentiment and if i'm being totally honest in time it'l be the best thing that ever happened to me because she's no good. I'm trying to work on myself. clubs are a no no for me right now as they just depress me. I'm fed up paying ridiculous prices into these places and watching guys walk up to girls drunk, get rejected and move onto the next one and talk the same rubbish.It gets me down and makes me think 'i d'ont wanna be one of them'. Its something i done years ago in my eary 20's and i'm not going back to that again. I hope if i'm ever lucky enough to love a nice girl again i'l meet her through friends or even online but i'm not chasing people around clubs.
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