dEsTiNy2oo9 Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 Hi all,bit of a long saga this one,feeling very low and came across the site so thought I would share my experiences ... Met my wife 25 years ago and we ahave been married for 21 of those.I was always an insecure person and as a result I became jealous and possessive of her.Looking back now I can see the hurt I caused her,always worried when she went out that she would run off etc. Things were fine till about 3 years ago when my jealousy became at its worst,dont know why but it did.Around this time I had found she had been secretly texting our old neighbour (male).Obviously I went mad things were poor for a while but we agreed to try.All through this she blamed me ,as I was a jealous person,how on earth could she just say she was texting another man.I sort of understand now,but the deceipt still hurts.Nothing ever happened between them as far as I am aware,but that is in the past now. During the last year,we have had trial seperations with me moving to my sisters then we agree to try again,just one vicious circle.She shows no emotion,I drag up the past etc. To bring it all up to date,I have been back at my sisters for 2 weeks and can see no hope of us ever working again.Prior to me moving out,we had been "trying"again for about 6 weeks.When we agreed this time,I realised this had to be make or break,so I even bought books on jealousy.These helped me immensely,and I thought we were going to make it this time for sure.However,she had always said that because of the jealousy I had caused her feelings to die for me.This hurt like hell,but as we agreed to try,I put heart and soul into it this time. Her feelings never seemed to return for me,we never seemed to connect anymore the way I wanted to.So as I was in a brick wall and head situation I reluctantly moved back to my sisters.This is definitely not something I wanted,but could see the only person hurting was me,and I was doing it to myself.I wanted this so badly,but it was all one sided. The Friday before I left,I told her that I did not think it was feelings anymore and that it felt like she was "missing out" (I am 42 and my wife 41 with 7 children,yes 7!!) She admitted that she had done with the nappy changing etc and she no needed time for herself.It appears that I was surplus to requirements and did not fit into her plans. On the Sat I left she had arranged to go out with my 19 year old son because she was upset:rolleyes: This went ahead and I went back to my house to get my car the following morning and through the window caught her holding hands with one of my sons friends.She ran and hid when she knew I had spotted them.Even at this point she denied everything and he had been kicked out the lounge.I asked was he that upset she had to comfort him?? Two days later I had an annonymous letter left on my windscreen saying that she was all over this boy/man in the club,kissing and stuff. She even said I must have written it myself!!! So here we are,me left with nothing.I dont think it could ever work again because as much as I have worked on my jealousy,could I really ever forget this?? She says and still maintains that there was never any sexual contact,but I`m not convinced obviously.It looks like divorce is imminent,I have had good days but mostly bad days,I dont understand if she felt like this a long time,why agree for us to try again?? It just bloody hurts!
Leveller Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 God man, I sympathise. She is putting you through the mill but nevertheless you have to accept your share of the responsibility. I too have have jealousy issues. I am just a jealous person. Don't know what to say really unless you can get past your jealousy issues and leave the past behind.
Author dEsTiNy2oo9 Posted June 6, 2009 Author Posted June 6, 2009 Oh I do share my responsibilities,maybe it was I saw it too late and I have hurt her too deep.I just feel that I was making such an effort and it wasnt the jealousy at all,it was all about what she wanted anyway.My guess is a mid life,but it still dont help me:mad: When I had my "jealous" days I just didnt see it as a major issue,I was just being a pain in the ass,I see now and before we tried what a nasty disease jealousy can be...... I just cant believe that 25 years together and 7 children it can be ended like this.She talks and acts like it is ALL my fault,and what a way to bow out,by effectively cheating on me.............Although she says we were apart at this time,technically yes,but only for about 6 hours!!!
Recommended Posts