This is the one…the one you’ve all been waiting for

[Full Of Hope]

But what about your kids' feelings? Who says they want to move across the country so their mom can be with some guy?

 

These kind of things take time to ease onto kids. I think you are putting the cart before the horse.

 

Not at all. My kids love him. My parents even like him. He's a very likeable guy. I wouldn't move across the country if I didn't have the means to let my kids see their father whenever they like. I'm not THAT selfish.

[Touche]

It's different in every state. My state required 6 months of physical separation first. Some states require a year. We had no property or custody issues. But yeah, I still had to wait the 6 months before I was granted my divorce.

[Touche]

Not at all. My kids love him. My parents even like him. He's a very likeable guy. I wouldn't move across the country if I didn't have the means to let my kids see their father whenever they like. I'm not THAT selfish.

 

I'm wondering why you divorced the wonderful man that you HAD! He sounds waaaayyy better than this guy.

[Full Of Hope]

Can I gather by this quote that he either visits you or you meet in a neutral travel location, likely dictated by work?

 

When was the last time you were in his home city? I think it's really important to see/experience someone in their home environment. Would you agree? Why?

 

Just so you know, I was an OM at 25 and, many years later, became a MM. Same OP. I've learned a lot about the psychology of infidelity from the man's perspective. Trying to remain positive here

 

Normally a neutral travel location dictated by work. I've never visited his home city.

I would love to know him in his home environment, but honestly I would be scared to death to go there at this point in time. Keep in mind that I'm not proud to be an OW. I just am one.

 

I'm glad to know that about you. I'm never nervous to read anything you post LOL.

[Full Of Hope]

I sure don't want you to give up your anynonimity (sp?) but I was talking about giving me one little measly example of something he's come through with ACTIONS that is NOT work-related but instead related to the relationship you have with him now for one year.

 

What has he actually DONE, not said, that leads you to believe that this is going in the direction you'd hoped it would.

 

Work is all I have for this. I'm 2,000 miles away from him. I don't know anyone in his town that could verify anything he's done. All I have to go on is his word.

[ednadean]

keep us posted on your progress. the fact that you've never seen him in his natural environs is a little worrisome...the thing with a D is that you lose your family, your W, your routine, your financial stability, and sometimes your friends...especially those that knew you as a couple.

 

best of luck - hope if all works out well - for the sake of both children.

[Full Of Hope]

I'm wondering why you divorced the wonderful man that you HAD! He sounds waaaayyy better than this guy.

 

LOL...trust me...it took a divorce for us to be able to get along the way we do.

[NoIDidn't]

Work is all I have for this. I'm 2,000 miles away from him. I don't know anyone in his town that could verify anything he's done. All I have to go on is his word.

 

And you don't see this as a red flag?

 

I know you think you know him and have probably spoken to his W once or twice (but probably never about any possible divorce as she would likely tell you its none of your business), but not going to his home town or seeing him in his element puts this on the level of an internet crush.

 

Would you really expect someone to leave a marriage for an internet crush?

 

How much is his word worth to you?

[Full Of Hope]

keep us posted on your progress. the fact that you've never seen him in his natural environs is a little worrisome...the thing with a D is that you lose your family, your W, your routine, your financial stability, and sometimes your friends...especially those that knew you as a couple.

 

best of luck - hope if all works out well - for the sake of both children.

 

Will do.

This place is tough. I appreciate the support

[Full Of Hope]

And you don't see this as a red flag?

 

I know you think you know him and have probably spoken to his W once or twice (but probably never about any possible divorce as she would likely tell you its none of your business), but not going to his home town or seeing him in his element puts this on the level of an internet crush.

 

Would you really expect someone to leave a marriage for an internet crush?

 

How much is his word worth to you?

 

I don't.

Our relationship isn't even close to an internet crush...trust me.

His word means everything to me. This is why I'm considered "naive", remember?

[NoIDidn't]

I don't.

Our relationship isn't even close to an internet crush...trust me.

His word means everything to me. This is why I'm considered "naive", remember?

 

And you see nothing wrong with this?

 

I'm speechless.

[jwi71]

I don't.

Our relationship isn't even close to an internet crush...trust me.

His word means everything to me. This is why I'm considered "naive", remember?

 

Hows it different?

Because you meet in cities associated with work and have sex?

Because he talks and texts with you?

 

I'm not attacking you...just trying to figure out how this ISNT an internet crush...especially considering you have no real interactions outside work.

 

I mean...whats the longest contiguous block of time you two have spent together NOT at work?

[Touche]

Work is all I have for this. I'm 2,000 miles away from him. I don't know anyone in his town that could verify anything he's done. All I have to go on is his word.

 

Oh I see. It's as I thought. You have nothing but blind trust.

 

If that's good enough for you, then alrighty then.

[Touche]

LOL...trust me...it took a divorce for us to be able to get along the way we do.

 

I get it and I hear you on that one.

 

Will do.

This place is tough. I appreciate the support

 

Yep, tough...but supportive. And you know that even if/when it doesn't work out you can come here and there'll be lots of support. No one (except maybe me:p ) will say "I told you so." I hope you keep that in mind.

 

 

I don't.

Our relationship isn't even close to an internet crush...trust me.

His word means everything to me. This is why I'm considered "naive", remember?

 

Believe me, this is nothing more than fantasy to him. It's no better than an internet crush. Well, it's actually worse since you've met in person and had sex. Other than that, it's pretty much the same. It is. I'm sure he's told you you're the love of his life, he's been unhappy for a long time, yada, yada, blah, blah. Oh and...be patient, babe.

 

And you see nothing wrong with this?

 

I'm speechless.

 

Yep, that's where the delusion comes in.

 

Hows it different?

Because you meet in cities associated with work and have sex?

Because he talks and texts with you?

 

I'm not attacking you...just trying to figure out how this ISNT an internet crush...especially considering you have no real interactions outside work.

 

I mean...whats the longest contiguous block of time you two have spent together NOT at work?

 

Very good points. It's as I've said. FOH, is in a fantasy world with this man. I don't give it too much longer. The sex and the "I love you's" won't last. It's all just a game to him now but as soon as the reality hits him he'll be history and FOH will be Full Of Despair.

 

Again, I'll eat my hat if this man really decides to leave his young kids and his 12 year old marriage. You don't live with someone that long and raise kids together and leave for someone you really don't know all that well. And I guarantee that they both think they know each other and are soulmates. Uhm...no.

 

And if he DOES leave, he more than likely won't end up with you. Look up the statistics on that if you don't believe me. I know you don't think of yourself as a statistic and that you're so different, but well...it is what it is. Again, this is following the script to a "T."

 

But you have 6 months to find that out, right? If he does nothing by then, you're out, right?

[NoIDidn't]

 

Yep, that's where the delusion comes in.

 

 

I'm still speechless (to a degree).

 

I might have done this at 18 but not at 28.

 

This guy has met her family AND her children already. I'm betting he's thinking "who cares" because he's not likely to see them again as they live on the other side of the planet in his mind.

 

This is getting worse and worse. FoH isn't likely to share any specifics because she probably feels the holes we are poking into her delusion.

 

The thing is, she'd get the same reception at the "other" site as well. No face time with MM means no real R with him too. This is starting to sound more and more like a MySpace R.

[Lyssa]

I'm 28 turning 29 and I don't even think this way....

[Touche]

But Lyssa, you're an ex-OW who ended up with her MM, right? What's different about your situation from the OP's? If you've already outlined it, forgive me but I've forgotten now.

[Touche]

I'm still speechless (to a degree).

 

I might have done this at 18 but not at 28.

 

This guy has met her family AND her children already. I'm betting he's thinking "who cares" because he's not likely to see them again as they live on the other side of the planet in his mind.

 

This is getting worse and worse. FoH isn't likely to share any specifics because she probably feels the holes we are poking into her delusion.

 

The thing is, she'd get the same reception at the "other" site as well. No face time with MM means no real R with him too. This is starting to sound more and more like a MySpace R.

 

The bolded part is true. I didn't buy that whole anonymity thing really. Not at all. And besides that, like I've said, I didn't ask for work related examples of how he does what he says. I asked for ones as it pertains to their relationship.

 

None have been forthcoming as of yet. And for course none will be forthcoming because there aren't any. This is all fantasy and an illusion. Smoke and mirrors. There's nothing here that screams LONG-TERM RELATIONSHIP...nothing.

 

It does scream FLING though. It also screams PIECE ON THE SIDE...sorry.

[Lyssa]

But Lyssa, you're an ex-OW who ended up with her MM, right? What's different about your situation from the OP's? If you've already outlined it, forgive me but I've forgotten now.

 

The difference was I told him to do what he thought was best for him and his family. Told him I won't be his second best etc. I didn't stop living my life when I found out his was married - I see that some OW tend to do that.

 

Another thing that my fiance did differently was that he actually took actions. He did what he said he would do.

 

I'm all out for those who know what they want - I'm happy for those who have happy ending - whatever type of relationship they have BUT until you actually have THE happy ending, I don't think you should call it that, you know.

[sugarmomma]

Again, if I didn't think I could believe the things he tells me, why would I bother with him at all?

 

Usually it's low self worth!!!

 

You have to trust people at some point You don't trust people you know to be liars ...

 

 

I was not going to bother posting on this thread until I came across this one.

 

FOH, as a fow all I can say is never listen to anything that comes out of his mouth. Always judge a MAN by his ACTIONS.

 

He is not an honest man. You have to consider the lies that he tells his family. This man has absolutely no integrity and will say what he needs to to get his stick wet.

 

Is this his first A in 12 years? I doubt it very seriously.

 

THEY will lie to get some on the side. They will tell you all the things they know a woman wants to hear. Mine told me that he was in love with me and sleeping in the basement and hadn't had sex with her except 4 times in a year. Last thing he said was that he was looking at condos.

 

At that point I felt comfortable saying "ok get back to me when you're done." Haven't heard from him since.

 

Believe me I am not waiting to exhale!

 

 

I just want to say that he seems to be blowing a lot of hot air and I would love to hear back from you in 6 months. We'll be here for that part too!

 

There is no future in loving a married man. Sounds like a case of Lust Gone Bad to me.

 

Love is built on a foundation of honesty, respect, integrity, honor and faithfulness.

 

He is a classic cake eater!!

 

 

Don't let him have the pleasure of having the both of you. Tell him to take care of his business and contact you when the divorce is final!!!

 

Guard your heart above all else, for it determines the course of your life.

 

I am gonna go and grab some popcorn to sit back and watch this show!!

[sugarmomma]

And I thought it was the story that we had all been waiting for!

 

NOT!!

 

Tell him "Don't speak about it, BE about it!!!!!

 

FOH,

 

Please come out of the denial and let me write you a check, a REALITY check that is......

 

He is a liar and has the best of both worlds- a foolish wife willing to stay with him and a OW in denial about who he really is.

 

OK. Now I'm going to get my popcorn!!

[SidLyon]

 

...It does scream FLING though. It also screams PIECE ON THE SIDE...sorry.

 

My perspective is that of a BW. Sadly I felt it was a competition, but one in which my H had entered me into, without my consent and also putting me way behind the OW at the starting line. I felt that I had no choice but to be in this competition and to fight for my man. I understand these were just my feelings and that as people will now doubt point out I could have chosen otherwise. But that's not how I felt at the time. I found that I lost all sense of personal pride and had no shame while trying to compete for my H and to "keep" my H and marriage after d-day.

 

Similarly to the BW of FOH's MM I am studying law and I asked my H to stay with me until after my exams so I could get through them without having to deal with him moving out. I have also had 3 or 4 conversations with the OW including one where I was angry at her for not backing off. These conversation were all demeaning no doubt to both of us (pathetic to be squabbling over my H) but as I said I had lost all sense of pride or personal shame by then, I felt like I was nothing. We are still together trying to repair our marriage though.

 

My advice to FOH would be to contact the W again just to make sure that they are not attempting to repair their marriage, they are not sleeping together and they are not in any sort of counseling.

 

If FOH truly believes she is now the primary partner and the MM will support her in this then FOH should be able to do everything and ask any questions that a BW would be able to do in the reverse situation - ie where the man has chosen his wife over the OW. If FOH is reluctant to speak to the W on the basis that she is now the primary partner with all the rights, then that speaks volumes and maybe says her trust isn't quite so blind as she would have us believe.

 

S

[sb129]

Thanks for the story. You did get a happy ending.

I did indeed. But NOT with my exMM...... the happy ending was with a man who has a great deal of contempt for infidelity.

 

 

 

My guess? This guy is married between 7 and 10 years now. I'm married for 14 years in less than two weeks. Those were challenging years for us. Everything in the relationship tends to shift at that point. That's when you either weather your storms and grow even closer together, or you split.

 

At that point, the wild passion kind of diminishes a little. You have to really get your head straight and look at your spouse in a new light. You have to look at them as "family." I really can't explain it. And if you can get past that period and re-connect as lovers who are now family, you can form the deepest of bonds and a deeper kind of love than you can ever imagine. You have no idea.

 

What a nice way to put that- I am looking forward to that time almost- and hopefully will remember this when it comes, just in case it is a little rocky.

 

.

I will move his way, buy a house, get the kids in school....start a new life.

Could I quit now and move? Of course I could....but I'm not quite ready for that. There is a little more I would like to accomplish before I give it all up for love LOL.

Plus, I would like for him to be well on his way to divorce before I make a move like that. I may be full of hope, but I'm not a complete idiot.

 

Well thats good!

 

But Lyssa, you're an ex-OW who ended up with her MM, right? What's different about your situation from the OP's? If you've already outlined it, forgive me but I've forgotten now.

 

Well- she ended up with the MM for a start. He at least did leave. The OPs MM is still "sleeping on the couch" of his marital home.

[MichelleS1983]

I wasn't posting for answers. I was posting because this forum could use a story with a happy ending and this is it.

I'm not a BW, but honestly - are you such a GHOUL that you can call this devastating situation for a family that's breaking up a "happy ending?"

 

How self-absorbed does one have to be to watch a woman's life shatter in front of her face and their children have their world ripped apart - and call it a "happy ending?" I'm truly amazed at how self-centered some people are.

 

Secondly, your lying, cheating "boyfriend's" wife found out what a low-life she's REALLY married to and has kicked him to the curb. THAT'S your happy ending? Getting some woman's trash that she's kicked to the curb? If she changes her mind and wants to work on the marriage, don't be surprised when your "boyfriend" starts feeding you lies about why he hasn't moved out.

 

ROFL!! Yeah, this is a fairy tale come true, alright. Good luck with that.

[MichelleS1983]

For the life of me, I'll never get why the OW/OM never seems to get that if they cheated WITH you, then will cheat ON you.

 

Cheating is a character flaw. It's not something that comes about from overwhelming love and passion. It comes from weakness, and most people who cheat once, continue to do so.

Because most of them want to believe that they're SO special that their married cheater simply HAD to have them. The unspoken truth is that if it weren't them, it would have been someone else.