This is the one…the one you’ve all been waiting for

[SidLyon]

JMC,

 

Wow. You are defending the hell out of my honor! Thank you for that!

 

Just know this...

 

Posting a thread here...especially with the audacity of mine...is not a decision made lightly. Before I posted, I made damn sure I believed in my relationship as much as I thought I did. I can tell myself all day long that things are going to work out, but if I didn't really believe it...really really...I would never be able to survive in here.

 

I read every post, take it all in, then sit back and remember what it was like when I thought the same thing and confronted my MM about it in the past. I haven't always seen rainbows and unicorns in my future (that was for you, Touche )...

 

Anyway, thanks for caring. It means alot.

 

Just a comment and a question Full of ...

 

First of all I don't think anyone is defending your honour (you will have to excuse my non-American spelling) as such (some may think you have none), but rather that this forum is not about attacking people who express different viewpoints.

 

I did ask a question earlier about whether you have spoken to the wife to confirm that what your MM is telling you is correct. Specifically for your own protection, you need to be assured that they are not doing anything that could be considered to be "working on the marriage". She is more likely than he to give you an answer.

 

S

[Full Of Hope]

She posted to show what she thought was an example of where "the OW wins". That was it.

 

This is correct. I've been coming to this site since my affair began. Every day I would search for a success story. This is what I really wanted...to see a relationship go from an affair to a marriage, where everyone lives happily ever after. I never found it.

 

Once I felt confidence in my own situation, I thought to myself, "Why can't I post that story....the story OW's can read and be hopeful about."

 

So I did. Was it premature? Not in my eyes. The point is for you to come along on this journey with me. Just because I'm confident doesn't mean I don't have frustrations. Trust me, I do. He may be perfect for me, but he's not perfect.

 

He hasn't moved out. His kids don't know. We're 2,174 miles away from eachother. I don't see him nearly as often as I would like. The odds are stacked against me...totally....but, I believe I can beat those odds. I'm here to let you watch me try.

 

I appreciate your thoughts, advice, input, all of it...and I read every word.

 

This isn't just a story to me. It's my life.

[Full Of Hope]

How old are your kids, how long have you been divorced, and if your ex is such a great ex, I'm assuming he has had a continuing presence in their lives as a father, yes?

 

Trimmer,

Thanks for the insight. You said some things here that I haven't actually considered. I have 2 kids under the age of 5. His are both under the age of 10. Their father is definitely involved in their lives. Honestly, I haven't put too much thought into what they would think about all of this. I guess I just think "They're so young! What do they care?" But you have shown me different...

Definitely something to think about...

[Touche]

And again, we're here with you through it all...no matter how it turns out.

 

I really would like to know how your doubts turned into certainty though. But if you don't want to say, that's ok.

 

And also, why do you think you will beat the odds? You don't have to say but maybe ask yourself that question, if you haven't already.

 

Look, if you're basing your certainty on just a "feeling" as I suspect, then so be it. Be honest. If you're taking us on this journey with you at least tell the truth. Who among us hasn't had blind faith and trust? Who among us hasn't followed a path based just on a hunch? I'm not putting you down for that necessarily...I was just curious what makes you so SURE, you know?

[Full Of Hope]

I did ask a question earlier about whether you have spoken to the wife to confirm that what your MM is telling you is correct. Specifically for your own protection, you need to be assured that they are not doing anything that could be considered to be "working on the marriage". She is more likely than he to give you an answer.

 

Yes, I know. I saw it.

 

There is one little teeny-tiny tidbit of information I've kept in my back pocket thus far...

[whichwayisup]

There is one little teeny-tiny tidbit of information I've kept in my back pocket thus far...

 

You're pregnant? Just a wild guess.

 

Anyway, good luck. Time will tell, like in GEL's situation, her MM did divorce his wife and now she's married to her exMM - Husband.

 

The difference is, if a man really wants to be with his OW, he'll do it fast and not lie, cheat, betray his wife, he'll do as he says, actions, not just say it in words. MOST of the OW who are waiting for their MM are in situations where the MM is just giving lip service and no follow through. Maybe your situation will work out for you. Again time will tell.

[carhill]

The difference is, if a man really wants to be with his OW, he'll do it fast and not lie, cheat, betray his wife, he'll do as he says, actions, not just say it in words.

 

Even if methodical, there will be clear and observable direction to his actions, IME. The actions will speak for him. Words are superfluous.

[Full Of Hope]

I'm curious...what did he say that turned your doubt into absolute certainty?

 

When I picture this moment, it's like watching a scene from a movie...makes me giggle a little now.

 

We were in a hotel room, standing out on the balcony, and I was just drilling him with question after question after question. I was all rowdy that night...tears rolling down my cheeks, hair stuck to my face, I was a royal mess. He practically had to shake me to get me to calm down. But when I did, he held my face in his hands and said something to the effect of this.

 

I am convinced that I love you more than any man ever has.

I am convinced that I will love your kids like they were my own.

I am convinced that our life together will be a great one.

I have a wife who loves me, kids that admire me, and friends that respect me.

But I'm here. With you. Ready and willing to give it all up.

I know you're worth it. I know it's the right decision....but that doesn't make it any easier.

I'm willing to change my entire life for you, but you can't even trust me.

I have never given you any reason to doubt me, so why do you?

 

I couldn't answer the question. I just stood there and cried. Then I cried a little more....and a little more.

 

That was the night that changed everything.

[fooled once]

I took your entire first post as "look at me, I won - I stole him away from his wife" WOO HOO

 

In your subsequent posts, I still saw the "woo hoo, I am going to win this competition".

 

Some states may allow quick divorces with children, but NOT MOST. MOST states require a year waiting period per say.

 

As for the comments about you letting it slip -- I can tell you from experience, IF he actually leaves his wife and divorces, and IF he is actually with you -- his ex wife will more than likely make your life hell in various way. Again, I know this from EXPERIENCE. And I didn't "steal" my husband away from his wife.

 

In times of anger, things have been said in front of the kids.

 

Do you really not think his kids will put it together? IF he leaves his wife and you move there, will you two move in immediately together? If so, then count on his kids figuring it out in a couple years. And count on them resenting you/hating you for quite a while. I know this personally from close friends who went through this.

 

And in times of anger, something will slip. It usually does.

 

I am astounded that you have introduced your children to this man. I sure hope during your vacations with him (and your kids if they went) you didn't sleep with him in front of your kids (share a room with him). I didn't introduce my son to my husband until I KNEW we were going to stay together and we never did sleep overs in front of any of our kids until we were engaged.

 

You sound very naive and your behavior in this regards (the children) is immature IMHO.

 

HE IS MARRIED. HE ISN'T your boyfriend because he can't have a girlfriend because he has a WIFE.

 

And if his wife is fighting for this marriage, count on it taking even LONGER for him to divorce. Sure, she may have told you "you can have him"; but she could have told you that in a time of anger or hurt.

 

You have NO IDEA if she is actually fighting for the marriage because he would not tell you that. If he did, you might actually decide to back the heck off and let him work on his marriage. But you have already planned your future with him and you don't want his WIFE throwing a monkey wrench into your plans.

 

As for cynical - like someone else said - it isn't cynicism, it is knowledge and maturing.

 

When I was an OW - I heard all the same excuses "I can't leave now, it is the holidays; I will leave after Valentines' Day; Give me until after the Final 4; I can't go now, it is our anniversary; Let me wait until after Memorial Day", etc., etc. I was STUPID STUPID STUPID to believe all this. I was STUPID to believe he was "sleeping on the couch". I was stupid to believe ANY words, but I was "in love". We were meant to be. I didn't love anyone the way I loved him. I could tell by the look in his eyes he loved ME. We have so much in common. And the MM I was involved with didn't even have KIDS with his wife.

 

I finally had enough and stopped planning a future with him. I then met my husband who didn't lie to me, who didn't have a wife, who made sure *I* was his girl.

 

As for the posters who have such issues with "support". Support comes in many forms and if you don't like what you are reading, don't click on this thread or any thread you don't like how people are "supporting" someone. And like Owl said, alert a Mod with the TOS violation.

 

I too thought the title was extremely misleading because she hasn't WON yet. There is no 'happy ending' because the story isn't done. It would be akin to me titling a post "My baby is almost here" when I am not even pregnant yet.

 

For the sake of the children -- the children who are innocent and who need their parents to be their role models and to teach them RIGHT from WRONG -- let this man either get divorced or work on his marriage. Leave him alone until he has divorce papers. If it was meant to be, it will be when he is DIVORCED. Go about this relationship the RIGHT way, not the lying, sneaking way it is already going. Very few relationships last that were built on lies and deception and hurt.

[sb129]

was to show others that affairs can end with the OW getting the "man". It was supposed to be the success story that every OW wants hear. We all know that it's not unheard of for MM to be lying to both BW and OW. It's also not impossible for the MM to actually leave his wife to be with the OW. .

 

No, its not. However the situations above do tend to be the exception rather than the rule. And most of the time, the success stories aren't called "success stories" until they actually ARE success stories.

 

Whether or not one thinks the OP is morally correct in her behavior, it's a simple fact that the majority of the anecdotal evidence in this forum "supports" the fact that her story will not have the happy ending she so blithely assumes. So why is it wrong that the discussion includes that point of view?

 

Agreed. And I told my story on this thread, because I was an OW whose MM left his W for me, therefore by the standards of this thread, it could be called a true "success story".

However, as outlined previously, it wasn't the dream ride that I thought it would be, and I wanted to share that with the OP.

 

I would call that "supportive" even if its not directly condoning the OPs situation. I haven't seen all that many harsh posts on this thread- and the OW section can get really nasty- this has been pretty civilised IMO.

The OP seems well equipped to handle herself, and has taken the posts on board. To then compare this thread to the ones that DO get nasty and start shouting about how LS is not a nice place to be at all is off topic and rude.

 

 

The only real issue I have is that the story hasn't played out far enough yet to demonstrate that proof one way or another yet. Still way to early to even guess.

 

I didn't feel she was asking for support either. She was trying to do the victory dance before the war is over.

 

Same here. The only reason I posted was because I felt the OP was being a little premature in her recounting "success" story which was intended to support other OW and give them hope- it can't really at the moment, seeing as it hasn't concluded.

 

Her positive attitude may certainly give some OW hope and support, but at the end of the day- as she herself says"

 

 

Was it premature? Not in my eyes. The point is for you to come along on this journey with me. Just because I'm confident doesn't mean I don't have frustrations. Trust me, I do. He may be perfect for me, but he's not perfect.

 

He hasn't moved out. His kids don't know. We're 2,174 miles away from eachother. I don't see him nearly as often as I would like. The odds are stacked against me...totally....but, I believe I can beat those odds. I'm here to let you watch me try..

 

Just to let you know- if it was a horse, I wouldn't back it.

With the utmost respect- and I do know how you are feeling, I have been there in a way myself.

 

However the horses with the highest odds CAN pay the biggest dividends IF they come in.....

 

This is correct. I've been coming to this site since my affair began. Every day I would search for a success story. This is what I really wanted...to see a relationship go from an affair to a marriage, where everyone lives happily ever after. I never found it.

 

There are several posters on here who DO have true success stories who continue to provide that support, encouragement and hope to OW.

 

Maybe you will join their ranks- but please don't offer false hope to people until you do.

[sb129]

PS- Trimmer I thought your long post was excellent.

 

Fooled once- snap- its so much nicer to be married to a man with a clean record who is trustworthy rather than making do with someone elses husband and all the baggage that goes with it.

[jwi71]

Actually I would say ALL stories here end in success. The end of the A. Whether it be M or the end of the A...its a success.

 

Namely because the OM/OW here don't come here in the throes of passion saying how great it is. They are almost always in the deepest pit of despair they have known and want out. And that "out" is the success.

 

Now, for FoH...she has bucked the trend somewhat. She DID come here in the throes of passion extolling her victory...her success. This obviously raised eyebrows and even some hopes of others in this pit. Turns out her post is wildly misleading.

 

She hasn't achieved her success. Her R with her MM is STILL an A. He has made NO moves to change the R...he has neither moved not nor filed. After reading FoH's posts...I see NO reason to be optimistic as she is. All you have FoH are the words of a liar. I can say this because I promise he is lying to someone.

 

The real question is to whom?

[Touche]

When I picture this moment, it's like watching a scene from a movie...makes me giggle a little now.

 

We were in a hotel room, standing out on the balcony, and I was just drilling him with question after question after question. I was all rowdy that night...tears rolling down my cheeks, hair stuck to my face, I was a royal mess. He practically had to shake me to get me to calm down. But when I did, he held my face in his hands and said something to the effect of this.

 

I am convinced that I love you more than any man ever has.

I am convinced that I will love your kids like they were my own.

I am convinced that our life together will be a great one.

I have a wife who loves me, kids that admire me, and friends that respect me.

But I'm here. With you. Ready and willing to give it all up.

I know you're worth it. I know it's the right decision....but that doesn't make it any easier.

I'm willing to change my entire life for you, but you can't even trust me.

I have never given you any reason to doubt me, so why do you?

 

I couldn't answer the question. I just stood there and cried. Then I cried a little more....and a little more.

 

That was the night that changed everything.

 

Nice words, FOH.

 

So what's the info you're holding back? Are you indeed pregnant? Because if you are, in my opinion it doesn't change anything as far as he's concerned. But maybe others who have been in that situation can say whether that ups the odds of "success." I really don't know.

[sb129]

Hmmm- JW aren't there quite a few OW on here who are "still waiting" for D-day?

[jwi71]

Hmmm- JW aren't there quite a few OW on here who are "still waiting" for D-day?

 

Then they aren't successful yet.

 

They came for advice...accepted or ignored it, and continued their A. And likely they are still in a bad place. When they decide to leave they will have their success...maybe by marrying the MM or by going NC and moving on...

 

They all end in success eventually.

 

(of course, there may be some who spend the entirety of their lives waiting...how sad is that?)

[Full Of Hope]

So what's the info you're holding back?

 

No no....nothing like that. There's just one little fact that I omitted.

 

When I spoke to his wife the last time, and she was telling me how she needed him around until her exam and asked me not to force the issue....I told her that she didn't have to worry about me. What I meant was "You don't have to worry about me demanding he move out." I remember thinking it was the least I could do for her. But when I said it, she took it as "You don't have to worry about me anymore because I'm out of the picture." By the time I realized this, it was too late. There was no going back.

Sooo...basically she thinks I'm out of the picture.

 

I know I'm not helping his case any by disclosing this....

[tami-chan]

Audacity is correct, FoH. How dare you be happy about your situation? How dare you be positive about the outcome of your affair? Let this be a lesson to all OP and WS--do not come to LS announcing you are hopeful and positive and are going to end up with your affair partner. It is insulting to the sensibilities of the BS. You absolutely deserve to be flamed/insulted and called names!

[joyz]

When I picture this moment, it's like watching a scene from a movie...makes me giggle a little now.

 

We were in a hotel room, standing out on the balcony, and I was just drilling him with question after question after question. I was all rowdy that night...tears rolling down my cheeks, hair stuck to my face, I was a royal mess. He practically had to shake me to get me to calm down. But when I did, he held my face in his hands and said something to the effect of this.

 

I am convinced that I love you more than any man ever has.

I am convinced that I will love your kids like they were my own.

I am convinced that our life together will be a great one.

I have a wife who loves me, kids that admire me, and friends that respect me.

But I'm here. With you. Ready and willing to give it all up.

I know you're worth it. I know it's the right decision....but that doesn't make it any easier.

I'm willing to change my entire life for you, but you can't even trust me.

I have never given you any reason to doubt me, so why do you?

 

I couldn't answer the question. I just stood there and cried. Then I cried a little more....and a little more.

 

That was the night that changed everything.

 

i am sure at that moment he meant every word he said. and you will always have that moment in your heart. if things don't turn out that way you both wanted, it doesn't mean he didn't love you, it just means that life got in the way.

 

he said his wife loves him. if he leaves her, he will live with tremendous guilt. there's no happy ending in this kind of love triangle. i hope at the end, there's no more hurt for all involved.

[Full Of Hope]

Audacity is correct, FoH. How dare you be happy about your situation? How dare you be positive about the outcome of your affair? Let this be a lesson to all OP and WS--do not come to LS announcing you are hopeful and positive and are going to end up with your affair partner. It is insulting to the sensibilities of the BS. You absolutely deserve to be flamed/insulted and called names!

 

You always bring a smile to my face

[Full Of Hope]

i am sure at that moment he meant every word he said. and you will always have that moment in your heart. if things don't turn out that way you both wanted, it doesn't mean he didn't love you, it just means that life got in the way.

 

That is a very nice thing to say. Thank You.

[Touche]

No no....nothing like that. There's just one little fact that I omitted.

 

When I spoke to his wife the last time, and she was telling me how she needed him around until her exam and asked me not to force the issue....I told her that she didn't have to worry about me. What I meant was "You don't have to worry about me demanding he move out." I remember thinking it was the least I could do for her. But when I said it, she took it as "You don't have to worry about me anymore because I'm out of the picture." By the time I realized this, it was too late. There was no going back.

Sooo...basically she thinks I'm out of the picture.

 

I know I'm not helping his case any by disclosing this....

 

I don't know about the others but to me that doesn't make him any worse in my eyes.

 

This will only make it easier for him to patch things up at home though. You actually helped his cause and hurt yours.

 

You know that made me so sad that the wife had to ask you that. Very sad. Gosh, I just don't know how you can do this, FOH. I really don't. But it's your life.

 

Everyone has different standards, I guess. And I'm not trying to be snarky or anything but I really don't know how you can do this and why you believe him.

 

I really don't even know what to say at this point.

[whichwayisup]

No no....nothing like that. There's just one little fact that I omitted.

 

When I spoke to his wife the last time, and she was telling me how she needed him around until her exam and asked me not to force the issue....I told her that she didn't have to worry about me. What I meant was "You don't have to worry about me demanding he move out." I remember thinking it was the least I could do for her. But when I said it, she took it as "You don't have to worry about me anymore because I'm out of the picture." By the time I realized this, it was too late. There was no going back.

Sooo...basically she thinks I'm out of the picture.

 

I know I'm not helping his case any by disclosing this....

 

Ok, so basically he is letting his wife think that the A is over, but infact it isn't. Or, he's making it seem like he's going to dump his wife and divorce her, but infact, he isn't. So, WHAT is the truth?

 

Honestly, if I were you, I'd hire a PI and find out FOR SURE what is going on. Cheaters LIE. It isn't gender specific, but 9/10 the situations here are about OW with MM and MOST follow a certain pattern.. Yours does, and what's scary is HOW much hope you have - Or how much hope he's given you..

 

I am convinced that I love you more than any man ever has.

This could be very true.

 

I am convinced that I will love your kids like they were my own.

This could be very true.

I am convinced that our life together will be a great one.

 

This is called fantasy and wishful thinking. He seems to forget what emotional baggage he'll have and be dealing with once the divorce actually happens. This isn't just about him and his wife, it's now about FAMILY ENTWINED -Inlaws, his family, cousins, aunts/uncles, brothers, sisters, other relatives.. Their divorce will affect EVERYONE, not just his wife, so if you think he's going to just up and leave, then start a perfect life with you, well, it ain't gonna happen..

 

I have a wife who loves me, kids that admire me, and friends that respect me.

But I'm here. With you. Ready and willing to give it all up.

 

Again, fantasy because he hasn't come close to dealing with reality. I bet NOONE knows of his plans and when people find out, his reality will hit him hard, he'll feel consquences, pain, see the heartache and turmoil caused by him..ANYTHING can happen and this is why I told you before, he could very easily change his mind and decide to stay with his wife and family. He doesn't and you definately don't know how his own children will react to the divorce, or him moving out. For all you it could KILL him inside and he'll decide not to leave her, and he could end it with you. What then? Will you let him go or will you fight for him, make his wife's life hell by competing with her?

 

I know you're worth it. I know it's the right decision....but that doesn't make it any easier.

 

Again, it's all fantasy and what if's.. Reality hasn't happened yet. Words have been said but there's NO action actually going on.

I'm willing to change my entire life for you, but you can't even trust me.

I have never given you any reason to doubt me, so why do you?

 

Wow, big time manipulation. Play the victim and hope that you believe him..Sadly you did.

 

Hire the PI, find out exactly what is going on. Atleast then you'll get proof either way.

[tami-chan]

I really don't even know what to say at this point.

 

FoH, one prayer answered so far? LOL!!!!

[hopesndreams]

I am convinced that I love you more than any man ever has.

I am convinced that I will love your kids like they were my own.

I am convinced that our life together will be a great one.

I have a wife who loves me, kids that admire me, and friends that respect me.

But I'm here. With you. Ready and willing to give it all up.

I know you're worth it. I know it's the right decision....but that doesn't make it any easier.

I'm willing to change my entire life for you, but you can't even trust me.

I have never given you any reason to doubt me, so why do you?

 

Video chats are fantasy land. How can you be in love with someone you don't even know? Getting him between the sheets and then he spouts that load of dribble and you fall for all of it is quite sad. It just seems to me you are in some type of lame soap opera and you are the queen of the soaps. What's worse? Your head is so far up your own azz it will never see the light of day. I seriously suggest you get some therapy. You will especially need it when he stays with his wife and kids. There is no happy ending here, not for you and not for his wife either.

[whichwayisup]

This is why I suggested for her to hire a PI. Her world will turn upside down if this guy doesn't follow through on his promises and does decide to stay at home and not leave his wife and kids..

 

Therapy is something to keep in mind if this does go south.