Tyguy24 Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 First off, hello everyone! I just found this place by typing in "dating help forum" into Google. This seems to be exactly what I was hoping to find. Here's my situation: About 3 weeks ago I met a girl online. She is 18 and from another city but is moving here to my city next month. She posted an ad online in hopes of meeting new people here. She's moving here to go to University starting in the fall. Out of all the responses that she got to her ad, mine was the only one that she replied to. We totally hit it off great online, chatting on MSN and facebook, we then exchange phone numbers and were texting and then we started to call each other and have had nights on the phone talking for hours late into the night. It has been fantastic and its seems to be that we have now settled into a routine of talking to each other for awhile before we both go to bed. We don't necessarily have hours of conversation anymore, (occasionally), but we still both make it a point to talk to have a good night call with each other each night, whether it be 5, 10, 15, or 30 minutes. We text each other frequently throughout the day since we can't talk during the day (too expensive and we're both busy anyways). However now I'm wondering whether it is starting to get to be too much. We still text throughout the day but the length of time between replies is longer than it used to be. Sometimes we don't even reply (theres not necessarily a need to) to each other and this goes both ways (me to her and her to me) Now I know that she is finishing up with her school for this year and so she's busy with that and has had quite a week with tests and assignments etc so I do understand that she hasn't had quite as much for time for me lately as in previous weeks. I guess basically the thing is I'm insecure and worried that I may have come on too strong. She's told me time and again that she likes getting my texts and that I make her feel special and cared about and that she likes all the attention I've been giving her, because her ex-bf did not do any of that (from what I've heard of him, he treated her like garbage). I'm just wondering if its starting to be overkill because she doesn't seem AS enthused as she used to. I've asked her whether I text her too much and she's always said no. Tuesday apparently I made her SO happy that she was crying and bawling on the phone saying things like "I wish I would have met you sooner, you are such an amazing guy, I feel like I don't deserve you, you make me feel so special and good about myself and no guy as ever made me feel like the way you do". Also saying how she can't wait to be with me and wishes that I was there with her now. Am I just being insecure? What should I do? Thanks in advance!
Author Tyguy24 Posted June 6, 2009 Author Posted June 6, 2009 When we started talking, she hadn't completely broken up with her now ex-bf. They were having problems to begin with and she said that they were likely going to be breaking up anyways because she was moving here. Just about a week after we starting talking, they broke up and she called me on the phone because she needed to be comforted. It was a pretty traumatic experience for her, she actually called me several times during the breakup freaking out and bawling on the phone (it sounded like he was beating her up, but thankfully that wasn't the case). I was there for her. Another thing is, I feel like I've been bending over backwards for her. I've been very selfless, but I'm starting to worry as to what I'm getting out of it. I guess that will change hopefully when she gets here and we can be together. I like being there for her and talking with her, but sometimes I can't help but think "what about me?" Thanks again.
carhill Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 Having done this, I can tell you that you're investing too much into something where you don't know the person in real life. Simple as that. You're both young and everything is intense. She'll be in your city (and presumably will meet you) in a month. Validate her and be consistent but do not invest further. IMO, you're close to tipover. When she's bawling on the phone, it's really close, IME. Then, the rubber band will snap and she'll disappear and you likely won't meet. Remain calm and consistent and you have a chance. If not, you will with another young lady. Lots of them out there With the further information, I'd suggest a bit of distance, lest you become a tampon and a tool. Tampon listening to her problems and tool to acquaint her with the new city. The cruel reality is women use men that way, under the guise of liking them. Look at how she treats you and how interested she is in your life and times.
kostoronto Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 Having done this about 2 weeks ago, you need to pull back a little. Wait until she comes to you. It's next to impossible to gauge someone's reaction to what you're saying over phone/email/internet.
lora22 Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 I'm probably totally off, but it really seems like she's using you for an emotional crutch while she's in the middle of a breakup and moving, two very stressful situations. Second, I understand that you talk on the phone etc., but texting every day creates a false sense of intimacy, IMO. Otherwise, I don't have much to add:)
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