amythan Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Hi, this is a long story but i will try to make it short ... I met this guy at work five years ago. We work in different countries so we didn't have so many opportunities to see each other. At the beginning we were kind of friends but two years ago i broke up with my long term bf and we started to date. I was not in my right frame of mind and things went too fast and i was completely i love with him, or at least i thought ... I guess at some point he realized we were not right for each other, he is much younger than me, distance issue, religion and culture ... and he disappeared .. no answering my mails, calls .. and i have to admit i freaked out and for sure overreacted. I am still ashamed ... Anyway we kept in touch and had coffee once in a while. He was not pursuing me neither i did. But this week i was traveling and he insisted to go out. We spent five hours laughing and flirting but in my mind never was sleeping with with. When i went to my hotel he came with me as if this was the most natural thing to do .. and yes, we had sex. But this time it was no laugh, no the amazing chemistry and i felt like something was broken forever between us. And i felt sad and relieved. He said it was lovely to see you again, i call you tomorrow. Always the same thing, he didn't. And today he sent the i am sorry email, i was busy. WTF. No need to be sorry, no need to play the guilty conscience again ... I know i am not interested to go through the same roallercoaster again but i cannot help to feel hurt because of his lack of interest .. I guess i would want to feel more than a ONS and at the same time what we had is not there anymore so why do i care ?? I do not know if this makes too much sense ... any opinion is welcome, i am feeling like a fool
Author amythan Posted June 6, 2009 Author Posted June 6, 2009 I think this was kind of positive as it was like a late closure, just showing me that magic is over. On the other had i took the risk of open the box again and i put myself on the 'i am always available for you' side. And now the fact that he is not contacting me makes me feel rejected. I am also wondering why he decided to sleep with me (i didn't make any movement which could make him think this was in my mind, i just went with the flow) knowing how much he hurt me in the past. I mean if this was just fun sex, he could get it anywhere ... perhaps it was just the circumstances ... I think the best thing to do is NC as it seems that we can never have a genuine friendship. What do you think ?
carhill Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 Assuming you had sex when you were dating, he saw you as "Cheers" (a reference to the old TV show), as in his comfort zone. Men will always prefer to have sex with someone they've had sex with in the past, if available, since it's 'easier'. They know the right path with those people; what works. Regarding the relationship/dating, did you ever actually eat a meal in his home in his home country? A lot of guys are married/with someone and work abroad and some of those guys will 'date' other women whilst on those work assignments. The best way to verify is to meet his family and visit his family home. If you did, ignore this. If not, one possible explanation for his behavior. What to do? NC and find a local guy to hang out with. Less drama but more consistency and potential, IMO.
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