JadedHeart Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Hello all, this is my conundrum. I used to be that really nice guy until I got frustrated after seeing all these *******s get girls. After my most recent ex who fed me that just friends bull crap, I turned to the dark side... I started becoming more of an ass treating girls like **** and let me tell you, it works wonders. This reaffirmed my belief that girls do want to be treated like crap, they want an emotional entropy if you will... Now, sure it makes the girl happy that you're a jerk, but did it make me happy? NO I was turning into somebody I did not want to be. The antithesis of the former nice me. So I guess for all you nice guys contemplating crossing over the dark side, don't. It won't make you happy. Sigh back to the drawing board...
gopher Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Hello all, this is my conundrum. I used to be that really nice guy until I got frustrated after seeing all these *******s get girls. After my most recent ex who fed me that just friends bull crap, I turned to the dark side... I started becoming more of an ass treating girls like **** and let me tell you, it works wonders. This reaffirmed my belief that girls do want to be treated like crap, they want an emotional entropy if you will... Now, sure it makes the girl happy that you're a jerk, but did it make me happy? NO I was turning into somebody I did not want to be. The antithesis of the former nice me. So I guess for all you nice guys contemplating crossing over the dark side, don't. It won't make you happy. Sigh back to the drawing board... Just curious, when you treated the women badly, what type of woman were you attracting?
BCCA Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 I dont think the 'be a douche' thing is what is really working. I think everyone wants what they cant have, or what they percieve to be a challenge to obtain. And women almost NEVER want what they know they can have. I think guys that are jerks get women because they are interesting and challenging, not because they are jerks, per say.
MeMyself&I Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 I dont think the 'be a douche' thing is what is really working. I think everyone wants what they cant have, or what they percieve to be a challenge to obtain. And women almost NEVER want what they know they can have. I think guys that are jerks get women because they are interesting and challenging, not because they are jerks, per say. Ya, I agree with this. There is a happy medium. You want to be a sincere guy but you don't want to appear too eager. That's what I would like to find in a guy. And by sincere I mean genuinely sincere. There are lots of guys who will tell us what you want to hear. I'd love a guy to let me know he's interested BUT then I guess to counteract that he needs to not be too available. I don't mean a game. People really should go on with their own lives....especially when they first meet someone. I have to admit I'm a girl that keeps going for A#@holes. But I think that is my problem not the "nicer" guys.
fishtaco Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 I have to admit I'm a girl that keeps going for A#@holes. But I think that is my problem not the "nicer" guys. Yup, happy medium is the way to go. But it is the "nicer" guy's problems. Many women are like you. It's so common I would say that's the norm, i.e. you actually DON'T have a problem, you're just average. So faced with this, a "nicer" guy who doesn't want to give up can either try to change the world, or himself. I'd say the latter is much more plausible. Survival of the fittest. Learning to adapt to the environment is a very useful skill. Nice guys be less nice, jerks be less jerk-y, and then the world would be a better place, and baby jesus would smile.
MineThatBird Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 How does treating women terribly reaffirm the belief that it works wonders? The science behind WHY it works is because it's similar to child psychology, specifically abandonment. When you abruptly LEAVE somebody with NO CONTACT, it creates questions in their head, a type of thinking which causes them to look for answers. Why do you think this board receives postings daily? Don't treat anybody this way because it is psychologically damaging and can lead to long-term issues. You see, when customers walk into Starbuck's/ Peet's, do you ever wonder why they jive with customers so well? They have a method, a specific way of working efficiently. When it comes to meeting new people, devise a method, a specific way of working efficiently and you'll soon see a gentler approach. Don't treat women terribly... the world doesn't need another bruised apple.
lizzylizliz Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Why compromise your own beliefs, dude? Being a good person, and being dicked over for being such leaves you with the moral high ground...something that's actually pretty precious, if you come to think of it
kizik Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 I'd rather be single for the rest of my life than be someone who I'm not.
Author JadedHeart Posted June 5, 2009 Author Posted June 5, 2009 I was attracting a variety, the normal college girl, attention whore used to getting her way, etc.. Don't worry I will not become an *******, Ive realized I was on the brink of becoming another jerk. To me I don't see it as a medium, you're either a jerk or you're not. Maybe different degrees of being a jerk. How did it reaffirm my belief that women love jerks? Well speculation wise I see girls with *******s all the time. Secondly when I became that jerk for maybe a month tops I started seeing results. To me that's pretty evident that women love jerks, now I'm not insinuating that all women do, but the majority. So please don't take offense as this is my subjective point of view. Don't worry I will not compromise my beliefs, I just had a weak moment and I wanted to share it with anyone else who is teeter tottering with this subject. Thank you all for your replies, I really appreciate them.
39388 Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Sometimes you do have to change who you are. Being a so called doormat nice guy for many years until recently got me absolutely nowhere. It is not easy to change who you are, but it is necessary in some cases.
kizik Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Changing your doormat tendencies is not changing who you are. Who you ARE never goes away. I'm a nice dude, and I'm more aware of when I'm being mistreated. That's a far cry from becoming a prick.
BCCA Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 People dont realize that you can be a nice guy, but still have boundries. The problem is the typical 'nice guy' is doing a lot more than just being friendly. Generally, guys get into trouble when they start putting the needs of others above their own, and become affraid to speak up for fear of being alone. There only recourse is to become manipulative, dishonest, and assume things in lieu of confirming them with thier partner. I think I'm a nice guy, but I'll be damned if I'm going to get used or taken advantage of. With that said, you simply cant argue with the fact that women like challenging and interesting/different men, and douchebags are usually both of those things. They also admire power/status, and when jerk offs act like they own the world, the give the impression of having that. I think the smartest thing I ever heard was that women never want what they say they do. I dont believe that being funny, sweet, clever, etc make up more than 10% of what attracts a woman, but every one of them I ask has told me thats what they want. I believe its 50% your social status (job/standing in community and with friends/money), 40% looks, and the other 10% as I mentioned are 'throw in' bonuses, like being funny.
fishtaco Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 All these terms with doormat and being yourself and stuff. Changing this way means you're not being yourself, but changing that way means you're still staying true to yourself. Seems like these are just the mind games people play with themselves to justify their decision to change or not to change. Basically, if there's room for improvement, and you want to, then improve. If you don't want to, then be happy where you are.
WineCountry Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Jaded, I can understand how you feel. And you know, it works both ways sometimes. Because I see women who are high maintenance, snotty, with a you-must-bow-to-me attitude, who get lots of men. I believe it is true that people in general like a 'bit' of a challenge. For me, I like nice guys. BUT..that being said, i dont like pushovers. Meaning, I want a guy to have his own thoughts, ideas, and opinions, and not just do whatever I want. And I absolutely HATE the arrogant, im all that, kind of man. See, that has NEVER attracted me. Like someone said, a happy medium is good. Being nice doesn't mean kissing a girls feet and being a doormat. Not that YOU were doing that, im just saying. lol
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