Cora Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Ever since my ex broke NC with me we have been keeping in touch as just friends. I will admit I was so happy just to talk to him again. I don't know why after everything he did to me. There was the lying, the cheating and the disappearing on me without explaination. After three months of nothing from him......of being alone, depressed and wondering why? He contacts me again and I was so excited. I knew I could never fall for him again because it would bring me nothing but heartache. I knew what he was capable of. With that thought in the back of my mind it kept my heart and stronger feelings at bay. He would occassionally hint around that he would like something more and I will admit it felt so wonderful to be admired by him like that again whether or not he truly meant it and even though I knew deep down that it wouldn't last. I guess I just got so used to the messages he would send me again like....good morning beautiful, just thinking about you or missing you. He sent me one every day that I was away on vacation and it felt nice just to have him think of me like that. I knew nothing would ever become of us after the way he hurt me and besides he lived 600 miles away. It still felt nice to pretend though. Yes, pretty foolish I know. Last night when we talked he told me he was going on a date tonight with a friend he had met from one of his classes in college. I don't know why I should even care but wow it was like I just got punched in the stomach!! He went on about how excited he was and how he couldn't wait to tell me and how I was the first person he has told blah blah blah. He sounded so happy and all I could do was feel jealous. Why would I feel jealous of him? I guess maybe I don't understand how he can just go on and be happy like that so quickly while I'm feeling miserable. He asked me if I felt wierd talking to him about this? I lied and said oh no please it's fine! I told him to tell me everything and how I wanted him to tell me all about the date when he gets back. I was trying to act like "the good friend." I guess that's pretty much impossible to do when there is still a little bit of feeling there for the other person. He seemed distracted while talking to me last night......but of course he was talking to her as well so I was no longer a priority. I don't know why I torture myself like this. I knew ths would happen. I knew he was only using me for an ego boost until someone better came along. I was lying to myself. I thought I could do this. I thought I could allow him back into my life as just a friend. Truth is I can't without there being some stronger feeling there. It's funny because I should really hate him right now for everything he has done to me. I shouldn't even want to be his friend. Why can't I hate him? I don't love him but yet I don't hate him....I'm just caught somewhere in between. He left me to be with his fiancee who is now his ex. Well he didn't really leave me but was seeing her the entire time. It has only been a week since he has broken up with his fiancee and already dating again. How can he move on so quickly? It's been almost four months and I'm obviously still not over him yet. I hate these feelings. I knew better than to talk to him when he contacted me that day. I think I need to go NC again. If I don't I will only be torturing myself even more. It was nice while it lasted but he will never be mine again. He never was mine...
RunawayTrain Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Cora, I am sorry you are going through this tough time. I myself received a text from my ex today after five days no contact. Exes in my opinion are exes for a reason. I am a firm believer that I cannot be friends with an ex of mine. After all the intimacy, love, drama, etc. that thas transpired it is simply not healthy to sit back on the sidelines and watch an ex move on. No matter how much you say you are over it, it still stings causing many feelings. My advice: strict no contact, move on. Kick him to the curb. You can do better girl!
Author Cora Posted June 6, 2009 Author Posted June 6, 2009 Thanks for your advice!! Yeah, I should have remained NC with the Jerk! It's funny how he came back into my life begging for my forgiveness and wanting to start over....swearing he has changed etc... Now once he has found this girl he no longer really talks to me anymore. HAHA so I was just someone to stroke his ego until someone else came along. Jeeze!!! I knew it and I should of known better! He hasn't changed and he never will! Old dogs can't learn new tricks! Once again I was used and yes they are called exes for a reason!! I don't know what this woman could possibly see in him. He just turned 27 a few days ago, irresponsible, can't keep a job, had to move back in with his mother so she can pay his bills....she even pays his child support, has only been broken up from his fiancee for almost 2 weeks and already on the prowl...oh and he is a pathological liar! This woman is 35 years old with a 17 year old son, has her own place, great job, responsible, mature etc. etc. Basically everything that he lacks so I'm not sure where the compatibility is here. But hey they say opposites attract right? You can't get anymore opposite than those two. She now even has a picture up on her facebook of the two of them together from their date last night with the title me and my babe. Wow one date and he is already her babe? Anyway, I'm done with the loser and I should have remained NC but I'm def going back to NC and will never break it again! I hope he has a wonderful life and that he will stay the hell out of mine forever!!! Anyone thinking about breaking NC don't dare do it!!! It will only cause more pain! Stay strong and keep living your life!
Lucky_One Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 WHY are you looking at this other woman's FB? Cora, go NC with this jerk. He's a jerk. He has done NOTHING positive for you - NOTHING. "Hi beautiful" can make you feel good for about 15 seconds, until you see that he really doesn't give a rat's a$%$ about you or your feelings because he is saying the same thing to someone else at the same time - so that 15 seconds of pleasure throws a negative strike to your self-esteem of "Crap, he really doesn't care."
Nedved Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 I think its so cruel what he's done to you Cora and you can't torture yourself anymore. He's totally taking you for granted and has'nt taken your feelings into account with his selfish antics. Telling you he's going on dates!! What a complete jerk!!! Okay maybe you should of told him you were'nt comfortable with him telling u about dates but i think its a natural reaction to still be curious what he's doing even though you know its hurting you. Delighted to hear your going NC on this clown and i hope he go's through some of the pain your goin through right now when you do go disapear from his life. Believe me he deserves this big time and you deserve much better Cora.
Author Cora Posted June 7, 2009 Author Posted June 7, 2009 Thank you all for replying! Well I just deleted him from my facebook today which felt good. I knew I had to do it after what I read this morning. As soon as I signed on to my facebook page....there it was right there for me to see that he had changed his relationship status to in a relationship. Thank you so very much facebook for enlightening me on that and giving me that extra push I needed to remove him from my friends list. I can't believe it's barely been two weeks since he broke up with his fiancee....has been on two dates with this new girl and now already in a relationship with her! Wow people move fast these days!! Well, even though I'm going NC it shouldn't be too tough since he is no longer talking to me anymore anyway. Guess his new girlfriend is keeping him busy these days so I'm just a distant memory now. But....I'm okay because I know he is slime! Thank you all so much!
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