flyerboy48 Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 My girlfriend and I have been going out for 2 years now. Starting in February of this year, her sister (who she is very close to) told my gf that she has been "brainwashed by the Smith family (meaning my family)" This is so far from the truth, when we tell people this story they laugh out loud in disbelief that someone would say that. Anyway, my gf stopped talking to her sister (who was pregnant) as well as her other sister, her brother and her mother. I encouraged her to try to reconcile with them and talk to them. Never did I ever tell her not to talk to her family. Anyway, we have grown very, very close since then and the relationship between us has been rock solid. The rest of her family likes me. I have gone out to dinner or out at night with her cousins and her aunts and uncles. So here comes the end of May (after my gf finished nursing school..woohoo!) and right before her sister was due to have her baby. After 3 months of not talking to anyone she reached out to her sister, which I am very happy about. Now it is like nothing happened between her and her sister. She had the baby and my gf was there for every moment. For the past two weeks since the baby, things have changed between her and me. I do not see her as much, we talk very little on the phone (we used to at least 5 times a day), she won't allow me to see her nephew because of her sister. I just feel bad that she has to live these two seperate lives because of the immaturity of her older sister (BTW, I am 28, my gf is 24 and her sister is 27). I bought gifts for her nephew but it took her a week to give it to her sister (even then she gave it to her brother-in-law). I told my gf that I wanted to talk to her sister and see what her problem is but my gf has told me no don't do it. I am confused and just do not know how to go forward with our relationship. Everything between my gf and I are mostly good but I can't go on living like this and having her lead two lives. What should I do?
Girlygal Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Seperating two sisters is a diffacult thing, if this is the first they've talkedin a long time your gf may just need some time and space to heal and mend the relationship with her sis. Talk to her and let her know that you respect her need to mend and that you will be there when she is ready. I am willing to bet both her and her sister will respet you for that.
amaysngrace Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Why don't they like you? Your GF has to control this bad situation. Quite possibly she caused it. Do you guys have a rocky relationship or something where she went to them and trashed you?
carhill Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Blood is thicker than boyfriends? Never underestimate the influence of a woman's family and female friends, even if you're married. It's very different than how it is for a man. Priorities are different. IMO, say nothing. You've been generous and polite. Distance yourself right now. Don't reward behaviors you find annoying or disrespectful.
Soul Bear Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 I went through a similar situation once. It is rectifiable if your GF is willing to put in the effort and put her family at ease. It is disrespecting to not only you but HER as well. It is a slight against her better judgment. She should stick up for the BOTH of you and get her family to see that. If she cares she will, if her family care for her, they will. Good luck
Author flyerboy48 Posted June 5, 2009 Author Posted June 5, 2009 I think in need to bring this up again to my gf. Like today. I texted her once asking what she wanted for dinner because I was going to grocery after work (this was around noon). I then called her around 3:30 and no answer. She just completely ignores me when she is with her sister. I was there for her through a very rough part of her life when her family didn't care for her. And now she just abandons everything between us. I feel like I should just break things off until she decides to talk to her family about me because she tells me not to talk to them. If she doesn't then so be it. Am I wrong about this feeling?
kizik Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Never underestimate the influence of a woman's family and female friends, even if you're married. It's very different than how it is for a man. Priorities are different. Agreed. Women ALWAYS side with their parents - usually their dad. Ain't nothing you can do. Doesn't matter how great you are - if Dad doesn't like you, you're f*cked.
amaysngrace Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Am I wrong about this feeling? No not at all. You were there for her and you're still there for her and are in support of her family ties and she's being unreasonable by not answering her phone not to mention downright rude. I'd be pretty bent about it too.
carhill Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Yep, nice juicy silence sandwich. Hope she enjoys it without the milk
kizik Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 You shouldn't be so involved with her family. When it comes down to is this: the family will throw you away and ignore you like they never knew you. No matter how much you think they like you, they will forget you in a second. Don't get it twisted - you do not matter to the family in the end. They will support and defend their daughter to the death, whether or not she is correct.
carhill Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 This has been my experience as well, being married. I felt like a tool.
Author flyerboy48 Posted June 10, 2009 Author Posted June 10, 2009 Well..I really am thinking about breaking up with her. We have a weekend planned to go to a camp with my family and she is comin. After this weekend if things don't change, I think it is time to end it. She knows how I feel about it and I will tell her again. Now, She means the world to me and has gotten me through the toughest part of my life recently. She is the most important person in the world to me. We have gone through a lot and has always come out as better people. I know that her family should come first but to forget about me all together in a blink of an eye is ridiculous. And to think that one of her ex-bf's (who she remains friends with) has seen the baby and been around the family since but not me. Lovely ain't it.
Recommended Posts