I feel really bad for my friend who is in love with me.

[Not the love ace]

A few days ago a friend of mine told me her true feelings for me. She told me she was in love with me and that she just needed to tell me. I've known about her feelings for a long time from mouths of other friends but she never told me until a 3 days ago. However my friends tried hooking us up but I was never into her romantically but loved her a lot as friend. We hung out plenty of times and she was under the assumption that I had mutual feelings for her thanks to her friends making assumptions themselves and telling her that I like her based solely on their own beliefs which were false.

 

I never told her I liked or loved her romantically and I never made any moves on her physically for her to suggest such things. Every time we hung out it was on a friendship level and she understood that.

 

However, ever since she told me she has been disappointed and I could only tell her how I felt about her and it wasn't mutual. She seemed to be very sad and for the past few days hasn't been happy. However she understands where I stand.

 

I've been feeling terrible and wish I can make her happy but we are adults and I am not going to go out with her just so she can be happy. Whats more annoying is that my friends are mad at me because they thought I liked her but they are just disappointed that I didn't go out with her. So now everyone is mad that her feelings are hurt.

 

I'm thinking of just staying away from her for a while till she gets over it. I don't want to be an ass but I don't need that type of drama from my friends and nor do I need her to be hurt over me.

 

What do you think?

[Chrome Barracuda]

Is she ugly???

 

lol. I mean why dont you see her as girlfriend material??? are you in a relationship??? is she?

[Girlygal]

I would talk to her about it. I had this happen to me several years ago, i ws into him, he was not. New Years Eve i tried to make a move, i shudder thinking about it. Later on that night he took me outside and gave me a heart to heart. Were still friends and i really appreciated him being honest with me!

[carhill]

What do you think?

 

Fortunate man comes to mind.

 

If you were indeed honest and supportive, as a true friend should be, then leave it at that and give her time to heal. You were given a gift. You chose not to reciprocate. That's healthy. Stand firm in that position. If you waffle, it says a lot about you as a man. Good luck

[Chrome Barracuda]

...nothing sucks worse than rejection.

[Not the love ace]

...nothing sucks worse than rejection.

 

 

I definitely know that.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Well then what's the worse that can happen if you get with her. She likes you right? if she's not ugly , fat or missing a tooth, give it a try if it ends you can be amicable friends, she may not like you as a romantic interest in the long run. lol.

[2sure]

You handled it so well and like such a gentleman...she probably loves you more now!

 

Ask her what she wants, ask her if she can be comfortable with your friendship still. She may need a little time. And thats fair.

 

She has spent a great length of time "wondering"...now that she has the answer for sure she will digest that, accept it, and move on. Sooner than you think, once she has re-evaluated her feelings, she may be like: What was I thinking? He's like a brother.

[thegoodlife]

You were honest with her and that's the best thing you can do.

[Not the love ace]

Well then what's the worse that can happen if you get with her. She likes you right? if she's not ugly , fat or missing a tooth, give it a try if it ends you can be amicable friends, she may not like you as a romantic interest in the long run. lol.

 

 

Man you can't give relationships a try. You either want it or you don't. Its not something you sample or experiment.

[Not the love ace]

You handled it so well and like such a gentleman...she probably loves you more now!

 

Ask her what she wants, ask her if she can be comfortable with your friendship still. She may need a little time. And thats fair.

 

She has spent a great length of time "wondering"...now that she has the answer for sure she will digest that, accept it, and move on. Sooner than you think, once she has re-evaluated her feelings, she may be like: What was I thinking? He's like a brother.

 

 

That's the thing she just feels like a really good friend to me. Nothing more deeper than that. I love but not romantically.

[Chrome Barracuda]

Man you can't give relationships a try. You either want it or you don't. Its not something you sample or experiment.

 

LOL I know that, im just saying???

 

But im asking the more important question is, is she attractive?? rate her 1-10?

 

How long has she had feelings for you?

[blaken]

If someone was to be upset that would have to be you, imo, not your friends.

We can't set people in pair like we breed spaniels ...

To force you to be with someone you don't want to be, that's not very friend-like.

 

If a man likes you he will let you know, you won't have to read through the lines. Obviously she was trying to analyze your every move and assumed you liked her. Your friends did the same. Their mistake, not yours.

I even bet she knew her feelings weren't mutual.

 

I think you handled it right and should stand your ground. Don't feel like an ass, you aren't.

[shadowplay]

Let me guess. You don't find her physically attractive, right?

[carhill]

As the tone of the thread perhaps suggests, if a man doesn't find a woman who expresses love for him attractive, he must be mistaken or gay

 

Tell that to the dozens of fine females who have dished similar good news to me over the decades.

 

Good on him for feeling bad. Some guys wouldn't care....

[gopher]

I've said it before, but the best thing I ever did was tell a friend how I felt about her. She didn't feel the same, but was kind in saying it....our friendship afterwards grew stronger...

 

By the way, one of my friends misread her signals and told me to ask her out...Not the first time that it happened to me...

[shadowplay]

Tell that to the dozens of fine females who have dished similar good news to me over the decades.

 

 

You mean that they've rejected you or you've rejected them?

 

Well, usually it's the case with men that if they love a girl's personality but don't want to date her it's because they don't find her physically attractive. See that scene in "When Harry Met Sally" where Harry explains why men can't be friends with women they find attractive. Of course there are exceptions, but that generalization seems to hold true in the majority of cases. It's often a bit murkier with women.

[carhill]

Think about how a man approaches you sexually or romantically. Would he approach you to reject you?

 

Now, consider the reverse. Man approaches you sexually or romantically and you reject him. That's the good news, for you. One, your attractiveness is validated. Two, no burdens have been acquired and no energy expended, other than to deliver the good (I'm being sarcastic, as in my prior post) news. Overall, a positive experience.

 

Everything remains in balance

[gopher]

Carhill,

 

I agree with you...I think the downside for women rejecting males friends is much less within their group of friends, than men rejecting a female friend.

[carhill]

My experience varies in that regard, based on the numbers who preferred to keep their emotional tampon fresh rather than having to replace it with another. "I wouldn't want to risk the friendship" has been the operative dismissive phrase in such circumstances. I'm trying to stay true to the OP, which is where the woman has romantic feelings for the man which are not returned. This indicates a history and investment by her. I can empathize with that There have only been a few who have been honest, like I believe the OP was, and, subsequently, the friendships continued in a healthy way after I had healed.