tigressA Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 I've been with my boyfriend for almost 19 months and we have a great relationship, except for this one issue: I love him and I told him so months ago, but I have yet to know he loves me. I'm staying at his parents' house for my entire summer break from school; I've been there for a couple weeks now, and it's just weird not hearing it from him, not saying it to each other. Like when he leaves for work in the morning or when I call him if I finish work early, or saying good night to each other. I've talked with him about it quite a bit, and his version of what he feels love is is being able to get through "tough" times together. He feels we've been in a "fantasy world" where things are more carefree--we met in college; he still lives at home and his parents don't charge him rent (he works full-time though), so he's not "on his own in the real world", and neither am I, since I'm still in school. I used to say it to him every once in a while at first, but because I know I won't hear it back I've become self-conscious about saying it; I feel like it would be a punch to the chest to say it and not hear it back. I'll just say something like "I heart you" and he'll say that back, but I really sometimes wish I could hear "I love you". Because of his definition of love, I know that he doesn't love me now, and I have to wonder if I'm truly okay with this. I don't think I am. He says his feelings have grown deeper over time, which is good, but we're definitely not on the same page. I have to wonder, am I truly okay with the idea that he won't love me and tell me so until a couple more years pass, or even longer than that? Because that'll be how long it will take before we're tested by any "tough times".
Author tigressA Posted June 5, 2009 Author Posted June 5, 2009 *bump* It would be nice to have some different perspectives on this. Could I be too sensitive? Should I just not really concern myself with it and enjoy my relationship with him? What do you think of his definition of love? Would you wait around for years to find out whether or not your partner loves you?
prettybaby Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Are there any more issues besides him not saying the word "love" ? I mean, how's the sex? Physical contact? Hugging? Kissing? Eye contact? Communication in general? Do you guys make long term plans together? Anything concrete about your future as a couple?
Author tigressA Posted June 6, 2009 Author Posted June 6, 2009 We're okay in those areas; there aren't any problems with them. The love thing is really the only issue...I know it sounds kind of petty in the face of everything else but it does bother me. I'm not really sure why; I guess I would really love to know that he loves me and I would love to hear it. I would love to say it without feeling self-conscious about it, like it would make things awkward--things get awkward when I do say it. Maybe I'm putting too much stock in it, but I feel like things get awkward when I say it because he just doesn't feel the same way I do and it makes him uncomfortable to be reminded of that. I think he feels guilty about it because he knows it means a lot to me. I don't mean to make him feel that way.
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