Soul Bear Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Ex Fiance of 4.5 years (2 months broken up) She doesnt block me from her IM She treats me cold and distant Any eye contact looks stern Says 'we were not meant to be' Says other hurtful things like she is going to start a band with other people (we are both musicians and have made loads of music together, she knows I want to still) Wants to be friends Asks for a month or 2 of NC Tells me I will get over her in time Told her a few weeks ago after our meeting that day she wouldnt hear from me again- says she doesnt want to never hear from me again, just thinks its a good idea to have a month or 2 NC until I 'get over' her and move on Can anyone outside the emotional box shed some light on her actions please? She is very confusing. Im happy in NC, obviously Im still thinking about her daily, and its doing my head in. I have made no effort to contact her for 9 days now, she broke NC yesterday to tell me, factually, that she canceled the direct debit for the internet contract. I just sent her a paypal payement for it saying thanks for letting me know. We moved to my city (its small) and then she left me, im scared that I will bump into her with someone else when I go out- that would cut me up a bit. Thanks!! SoulBear
Thornton Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 I think she likes you as a person and still wants to be friends with you, but she doesn't want to be in a relationship with you. She still wants to be in touch with you, but thinks you need a couple of months NC to get over her before you can be just friends. She is over you already so doesn't need any NC time to heal herself. It's up to you whether you think you can handle being just friends with her or not.
Author Soul Bear Posted June 5, 2009 Author Posted June 5, 2009 Thanks for your reply Thornton. No. I cant handle being friends at all. She also said 'I still need time and space away from you' This was the woman I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with!! She has been pretty harsh towards me the whole breakup, she even told me after the split that she has feelings for someone else, I heard from an aquaintance that she told this person she had feelings for him, but he is not interested. It just does my head in. I was doing so well until she broke My NC yesterday. Now she is on my brain. The way she handled the breakup does not make me want be friends, she did not treat me nicely/compasionatly at all.
Author Soul Bear Posted June 5, 2009 Author Posted June 5, 2009 There is a part of that wants to tell her that we could never be 'just friends', and ask her not to contact me again, if we bump into each other I will be civil, but please stay away from me.... This would help me gain some closure of sorts in my own head, but then i second guess myself and wonder if it would hurt any chances of reconciliation (even though she has made it clear 'we will never be together ever again') AAAHHH!! This has really made me pretty mad/sad today
carhill Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 As long as you have any romantic feelings for or emotional attachment to her, you can never be healthy friends. Even then, you'll want to question the health of being friends with someone who dumped you and broke your engagement. You've been giving good advice here of late. I noticed the change from when you first arrived. Continue your NC (I would recommend total black hole for you) and process that anger and sadness. It takes time. IMO, do not accept contact from her until you're a total flat line. The first contact will be a test. You might fail. That's OK; return to NC and learn what went wrong. Looking at your title last, the best thing I can say is it's irrelevant. Her behavior now is irrelevant; her words are irrelevant. She has blended into the sea of people who exist around you and have no significant importance to you. Make sense?
Author Soul Bear Posted June 5, 2009 Author Posted June 5, 2009 Carhill, you are 'Mr Daddy Cool' It makes total sense. Just finding it hard is all, and I got blown off from my model date and London trip today which didnt help me much!! That is good advice tho. Thankyou
CaliGuy Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Ummm to me she's not getting at anything other than moving on with her life, which is what you should be doing. So she canceled a debit or something? Seems to me she is being courteous. I would simply continue with NC and not respond to anything she says or does. This is in YOUR best interest, not hers...
Author Soul Bear Posted June 5, 2009 Author Posted June 5, 2009 Ummm to me she's not getting at anything other than moving on with her life, which is what you should be doing. So she canceled a debit or something? Seems to me she is being courteous. I would simply continue with NC and not respond to anything she says or does. This is in YOUR best interest, not hers... I agree, thanks bro
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