At what point did you think enough is enough - I have to get out!

[unhappylady]

Hi

 

I recently (and still successfully) ended my affair - which had lasted 14 months.

 

For me, the decision to end came from reading this forum day after day which somehow helped me see sense and gave me strength and support. It was a gradual realisation instead of waking up one day and realising it had to end.

 

I am still struggling.

 

What was your 'wake up call', what was it that made you realise enough was enough?

[Confused4Now]

Hi

 

I recently (and still successfully) ended my affair - which had lasted 14 months.

 

For me, the decision to end came from reading this forum day after day which somehow helped me see sense and gave me strength and support. It was a gradual realisation instead of waking up one day and realising it had to end.

 

I am still struggling.

 

What was your 'wake up call', what was it that made you realise enough was enough?

 

Therapy..therapy and Good therapy!!! For me it was my self worth. I was so focused on getting my MW into my life that I didn't focus on me. Therapy made me see that I was basically going into the same type of relationship as my marriage and affair partner. I found myself enabling and being co-dependent. Bottomline they were not capable of giving me what I wanted. So I had to cut them loose.

[2sure]

I was single, and after a few years of affairs with MM....

I realized that they were cheating on their wives.

 

It was as though I had compartmentalized my life as much as they had. I accidentally met the wife of the man I was seeing....

And it made the whole thing real. Worlds Collided.

 

It made me sick of myself. Oddly, the MM thought the whole encounter was "interesting". Ultimately, I decided to treat myself better.

[Girlygal]

i think, not from experience mind you so i could be wayyyy off, but anyways, i think alot of affairs tend to be more out of personal self fulfillment then about the person they are cheating with. I agree with the counseling it is honestly something we should all do, regularly. Being at peace with oneself allows us to open up to a better relationship with others.

[wildsoul]

What was your 'wake up call', what was it that made you realise enough was enough?

We'd just passed our 1-year mark and I was feeling that more forward progress needed to be made in order for me to justify staying with him. He'd already been separated for awhile. The winter holidays had finally passed. I was waiting to see if he'd file for D, without me pushing for it, but to see what he'd do.

 

I knew I could not wait forever. He'd been talking about us getting married and all this future planning. Some of it involved us making financial decisions together. I couldn't keep NOT making choices for myself in that area. Waiting would keep me stuck. I'm not the type to wait too long anyways. A year is enough time to make it work or cut bait!

 

Meanwhile, I was praying for my clear answer to be revealed about whether to stay or go.

 

Then my xSM had another anger blow out which got me reading up on verbal abuse and narcissim. That same week, he let me down on something really important. Nail in the coffin. I knew I had to go NC.

[Lyssa]

Enough is enough when you feel that you cannot put up anymore with his promises etc.

 

If you feel that he cannot make you his priority, then best that you go NC and stick to it.

[Awakening]

When his ex-wife (they had been divorced for 2 yrs by then) called me to let me know that he had been trying to move back in with her for months.

 

That was over a year ago and he still comes "fishing" since they've been back together. I don't go for the bait thank God.

[sugarmomma]

For me enough was enough when I came to the realization that I would hurt more than he would as a result of being in the A. The lonely nights and coming up to the holidays also made it real.

 

I also realized that I deserve an exclusive relationship and someone that would adore me and not make me an option.

 

I also realized what type of person he really was- a liar with a cheating heart, that would eventually do the same thing to me that he did to her.

 

I also didn't want to be the person responsible for taking him away from his family. That has to be his individual decision.

 

I feel happier since I have been out of it. Finalized my divorce yesterday and becoming the woman that I want to be, so that I can attract a good man.

[Confused4Now]

That same week, he let me down on something really important. Nail in the coffin. I knew I had to go NC.

 

I was willing to lay down for her...however I knew she couldn't for me. I just felt I was all in but it was not reciprocated.

 

She also was not spiritually committed..as much as me either.

[tami-chan]

At what point did you think enough is enough - I have to get out!

 

When one party changes the rules or reneges on a prior agreement-it's time to go....

[White Flower]

Tami, did you have an A?

[White Flower]

What was your 'wake up call', what was it that made you realise enough was enough?

The first time was when I saw (after a quasi D-day) him rush to make her feel like everything was OK while I floated out in outerspace. I should have never gone back after that.

 

The second time was when I realized he was always going to be a cheater no matter who he was married to.

[StoptheDrama]

The proverbial light bulb went on in my head...WTF am I doing??? There was no single discernible cause; rather, I think it was the culmination of all the negative emotions surrounding the situation. Then his actions last night were the straw that broke the camel's back. I had ended it this week (as I had several times in the past) and, to make a long story short, he called me numerous times yesterday while parked outside my home. I let him in, he cried, etc... He played on my emotions yet again and it worked in the short term. But after serious reflection, I ended it again today. The depths he was willing to sink to in order to keep this going were finally revealed. This time I hope to have the strength to finally be able to see it through.