Synergy Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 At my office, I sit right next to this woman who is absolutely adorable. I find her absolutely fascinating but completely frustrating to interpret. During the day, she rarely speaks to me despite the fact we share a desk space and work on the same project. After most of the office has left, we end up talking nonstop for hours. It gets more bizarre... We share a lot of common friends, so we tend to see each other at parties and night outings. During the parties I'll approach her and try chatting her up on things we both find interesting. Many times she will appear disinterested, either make a snide remark and leave or get bored and distance herself from the conversation. I'd generally take this to mean she is not interested except when we are alone she will often suggest we do things together, such as go golfing, biking, etc. On the weekends, she sends me texts and emails, and at work she enthusiastically demands that she be paired with me for any projects (and I am absolutely terrible at what I do so it's not because I am reliable). The past two times she has gone on vacation she has brought back souvenirs for me but none for anyone else. Additionally, she has kept every Valentine card (platonic Valentine exchange @ my office each year) I have ever given and displays them on her desk but does not keep anyone else's. I've casually asked her to lunch several times, but she has said no. Lately, she's been feeling a little blue and has resorted to burying her depression with work. We've since been having conversations concerning her work-centric lifestyle. The conversations typically end with myself suggesting that she needs to find something that makes her happy and pursue it which is invaritably followed by her asking "What do you suggest I do? I'm alone and have nothing else in my life to occupy my time." This is never delivered angrily but rather inquiringly. This leads me to interpret it as a signal that she is inviting a response for us to date. I'm absolutely and utterly confused by the whole situation, and it is further complicated by the proximity and amount of time we spend together at work. If it were a situation where I wouldn't have to sit next to and work with her everyday, I'd take a leap of faith and ask her out. However because of the close quarters and amount of work we do together, I have to be certain I am not misinterpreting signals. Can anyone give me their interpretations/advice on what to do? She's driving me crazy!
hairdiva09 Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 I'm not sure, but it sounds to me as if she may look at you like a person whom she keeps in the dark. Example, in more intimate settings where no one else is around or where others are not paying too much attention, she may act like you are the world. On the other hand, when you two are in front of others, she may show her true colors and basically diss you showing "disinterest" (as you have stated above). Basically, in a nutshell, she seems to be the type of person who may feel as if you are good enough in private but not good enough in public. These are the type of people that I would recommend staying away from because you NEVER, NEVER want to be with someone or even socialize with someone who is ashamed of you and you should know that your better than that...
monkey00 Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 I'm not sure, but it sounds to me as if she may look at you like a person whom she keeps in the dark. Example, in more intimate settings where no one else is around or where others are not paying too much attention, she may act like you are the world. On the other hand, when you two are in front of others, she may show her true colors and basically diss you showing "disinterest" (as you have stated above). Basically, in a nutshell, she seems to be the type of person who may feel as if you are good enough in private but not good enough in public. These are the type of people that I would recommend staying away from because you NEVER, NEVER want to be with someone or even socialize with someone who is ashamed of you and you should know that your better than that... If it was a girl that he met outside of work I would be wary about these type of actions also. However this is work...and as the saying goes "dont sh*t where you eat."..this may very well be the reason why she's doing what she's doing. If they're not 'dating' each other, why blow it out of proportion and allow others to think that you are an item? It's a job and professionalism should be maintained at all times. It sounds like your office coworker does have an interest in you. But at the same time she's sending mixed signals...have you asked her out yet? Instead of being an office/lunch buddy have you thought of asking her out on a date outside of work, like going for drinks? Maybe that's what she wants. However since she is also a co-worker, there is a small possibility you're just her office flirt and keeps you around to boost her own ego. But I wouldn't count that for sure. I'd say your best bet is just to ask her out. No lunch, no friends/coworker get togethers. Just a date outside the office after business hours.
oscakool Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 The next time she asks you that question about what she should do, say "I know you're a strong woman and I know you'll figure out what you need to do." Women usually aren't looking for advice on what to actually do, they are just looking for someone to talk to. So start talking to her and LISTEN to her. Look her in the eyes when she speaks to you. Tell her "I'm going to ______ this weekend/day, you're welcome to tag along." --- That's how you casually ask a girl out that is hard to read. Let me know if you got anymore questions, I love dealing with difficult women. Oh, and you're right about how it's different when you're around her everyday. These types of situations are actually good because you are able to become genuine friends. Ask her about her friends and what she's doing, etc. and try to work your way into her social circle (Assuming she has one).
Left in a Lurch Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Next time just tell her you don't know you're not her therapist, you're just a guy looking for a date and maybe you guys can kill two birds with one stone.
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