Tabbie Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Here's my story, I met a wonderful guy in a chatroom way back in 1995, he said he was single and I was very upfront that I was married with a small child and that I was just online to chat, nothing else. Well, chatting suddenly turned sexual and he begged me for my phone number and well, it was exciting - I had been married 10 years at that point and this unexpected attention was great. I gave him my work number and a phone affair was started and I quickly fell for this guy, he was five years younger than me, ivy school grad and had a great job and we lived like 1,000 miles from each other. We exchanged pics via mail, this was '95 after all and we liked what we saw and he asked if we could meet. I had a job that I could travel and our first date was on Valentines Day '96 - it was exciting for me to travel for business for my job and meet this man in his town NYC. The instant I saw him I felt so connected and we went to a romantic dinner and a broadway show and had a wonderful evening. It was a week night and he stayed the night at my hotel and it was the best night I had ever had! He left the next morning for work and I was on cloud nine. I went back home to the South and we continued to speak every day and email all day long. We met up many times over the course of the year and for many years thereafter. All the while, this man knew I was married and was encouraging me to divorce so that he and I could get married. I was always dragging my feet because I didn't want to hurt my husband - I know - my affair was hurting him enough. Fast forward to year 2000 when my boyfriend and I are planning our wedding for when I finally divorce and he drops the bomb on the phone to me that he is married and has been married since 1996!! I literally fell off my office chair and he assurred me that he was getting a divorce and all would be well. So, I believe him and in April of 2000 I move out of my home and move in with my sister to start divorce proceedings. While I am doing all this, I am assured by boyfriend that he has filed for D as well. Summer comes around and we meet in NYC and to this day we had the best time and were so in love and wedding planning, this was in Aug. 00. Late Aug. I look up on his county website and do not see any divorce filed by him but he assured me that it is in the works and that he loves me to death, etc. Well, I then get his unlisted phone number and call it and guess who answers, a woman. I hang up because I know it's the wife. I never tell him that I called his home and I didn't say anything to the wife. I'm not kidding, but he calls me on Sept. 15, 00 and dumps me over the phone and tells me he has a 1 yr. old girl. To say I was devestated is an understatement. He had never filed for divorce and was playing me for almost 5 years and encouraged me to divorce my husband for him. My divorce did go through and I was a mess, suicidal, you name it. This is a short version of what happened but his wife did find out and to my knowledge - almost 9 years later, they are still together and I'm still single. I'm not really looking for any advice just getting my story off my chest and letting people know that there are some evil people out there and that what that man did to me still affects me to this day. I did find out that his wife is half asian and someone told me that they condone cheating. I guess I'm still bitter that this guy was such a liar and really ruined the course of my life for many, many years. It's very hard to trust anyone after what this man did to me. He has even done the random e-mails over the years asking me "what's up" or "how are you doing?" I never respond and wonder wtf?
DNR Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 wow!! Sorry to hear what you've been through. It's hard, i know. Been there, still doing that. How long has it been since you've heard anything about him or seen him? How did his wife find out? And didn't he ever give any hints that he was in committed relationship?
tami-chan Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Here's my story, I met a wonderful guy in a chatroom way back in 1995, he said he was single and I was very upfront that I was married with a small child and that I was just online to chat, nothing else. Well, chatting suddenly turned sexual and he begged me for my phone number and well, it was exciting - I had been married 10 years at that point and this unexpected attention was great. I gave him my work number and a phone affair was started and I quickly fell for this guy, he was five years younger than me, ivy school grad and had a great job and we lived like 1,000 miles from each other. We exchanged pics via mail, this was '95 after all and we liked what we saw and he asked if we could meet. I had a job that I could travel and our first date was on Valentines Day '96 - it was exciting for me to travel for business for my job and meet this man in his town NYC. The instant I saw him I felt so connected and we went to a romantic dinner and a broadway show and had a wonderful evening. It was a week night and he stayed the night at my hotel and it was the best night I had ever had! He left the next morning for work and I was on cloud nine. I went back home to the South and we continued to speak every day and email all day long. We met up many times over the course of the year and for many years thereafter. All the while, this man knew I was married and was encouraging me to divorce so that he and I could get married. I was always dragging my feet because I didn't want to hurt my husband - I know - my affair was hurting him enough. Fast forward to year 2000 when my boyfriend and I are planning our wedding for when I finally divorce and he drops the bomb on the phone to me that he is married and has been married since 1996!! I literally fell off my office chair and he assurred me that he was getting a divorce and all would be well. So, I believe him and in April of 2000 I move out of my home and move in with my sister to start divorce proceedings. While I am doing all this, I am assured by boyfriend that he has filed for D as well. Summer comes around and we meet in NYC and to this day we had the best time and were so in love and wedding planning, this was in Aug. 00. Late Aug. I look up on his county website and do not see any divorce filed by him but he assured me that it is in the works and that he loves me to death, etc. Well, I then get his unlisted phone number and call it and guess who answers, a woman. I hang up because I know it's the wife. I never tell him that I called his home and I didn't say anything to the wife. I'm not kidding, but he calls me on Sept. 15, 00 and dumps me over the phone and tells me he has a 1 yr. old girl. To say I was devestated is an understatement. He had never filed for divorce and was playing me for almost 5 years and encouraged me to divorce my husband for him. My divorce did go through and I was a mess, suicidal, you name it. This is a short version of what happened but his wife did find out and to my knowledge - almost 9 years later, they are still together and I'm still single. I'm not really looking for any advice just getting my story off my chest and letting people know that there are some evil people out there and that what that man did to me still affects me to this day. I did find out that his wife is half asian and someone told me that they condone cheating. I guess I'm still bitter that this guy was such a liar and really ruined the course of my life for many, many years. It's very hard to trust anyone after what this man did to me. He has even done the random e-mails over the years asking me "what's up" or "how are you doing?" I never respond and wonder wtf? I am Asian, of Japanese descent, to be exact. I don't think Asian women CONDONE cheating, but more like we see marriage as more than a partnership of people "in love". I think it is wrong for westerners to believe that there are no repercussions when a partner cheats. There are huge consequences, but not the way a westerner would mete out consequences. It is also useful to note,that most western cultures value individualism more than the group. In many Asian cultures we value the group (family) more than ourselves, in most cases. So while our western counterparts ask "What is good for me?", we ask: "What is good for the family?". This is not only exclusive to female BS...Male WS also asked that, albeit, after having cheated-in the end most choose to stay with the wife (marriage) because it is for the greater good. Sounds lonely and sad, right? It can be , I guess. But not really, the westerner's concept and source of what is happy or sad or lonely and joyful is perhaps a little different than their Asian counterpart's. We are happy and fulfilled for the most part if we live our lives within the context of our culture. Of course with everything global now, many Asians are learning about Western ways and asserting individualism. Is that good or bad....the jury is still out.
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