amanda-face Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 I have been dating my boyfriend for four years and we have known each other since we were infants (we grew up together). We are both still young (early twenties) and I do not want to get married any time soon. My boyfriend never wants to get married, never wants to have children, and plans on living with his family forever. Obviously, we both have very different ideas for the future. So I need advice about what to do. I don't want to break up with him over this, but feel like our relationship can do nowhere but downhill in the future with those differences.
Enema Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 While never wanting to have kids or get married are commendable ideals; wanting to live with your family forever throws an immature slant on it. Does he have any ambition? Seems like you two are worlds away in goals. Probably better to move on and find someone that wants what you want.
amaysngrace Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Wait a couple of years and he'll outgrow it. You don't want it right yet anyway so why stress?
Toodamnpragmatic Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 While never wanting to have kids or get married are commendable ideals; wanting to live with your family forever throws an immature slant on it. Does he have any ambition? Seems like you two are worlds away in goals. Probably better to move on and find someone that wants what you want. Can you define what you mean by "commendable"? Not the word I'd use..... Stating that he plans on living with his family forever is beyond immature (unless of course he is royalty, the Ewing family or lives on a compound)...
KaceyKitty Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 He is still very young. I don't think guys are truly mature until their 30's, some even later than that. It's very possible he'll change his mind, especially when he sees friends and others around him settling down. Has he been in other relationships? I'm thinking of the 'sewing your wild oats' aspects.
Thornton Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 When men say they never want to get married, what they usually mean is they never want to marry YOU. In other words, they just don't feel so strongly about you that they want to commit to you. As for your bf saying he wants to live at home forever, that sounds very immature and unrealistic. Did he say this in response to you wanting to move in together? Could he perhaps be making excuses for not wanting to live with you? Tbh it doesn't sound like this relationship has much of a future unless he changes his mind about a few thing, and you need to talk to him about that. You should tell him that you want marriage and kids and a home together, and tell him the relationship isn't going to be successful long-term if he persists in wanting to stay at home and avoiding marriage/kids. See what he says, what he thinks the future of your relationship is. None of us can give you the answers, you really need to talk to him.
lonelyandfrustrated Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Dump him. The man you *could* marry and have children with will slip your notice so long as you're tied to this one whom you have no future with.
carhill Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 OP, welcome. Take a moment to re-read what you wrote. Accept that it is your respective truth for now and that either (or neither) of you will change and that you have no way of knowing what that change might be. Do you see a future here? If no, is the future important to you? Or, is today, now, important? How about your BF? What is his perspective? Are your perspectives compatible? Compatibility in your elemental philosophies of life, as well as emotional/sexual setpoints, is critical to long-term health of a relationship/marriage, IMO. What is your opinion about that?
Heroic Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 What you have now is somethign thats comfortable and easy. Unfortunately comfortable and easy isn't going to get you any further in your life. The longer you are together the harder it will be to leave. In essence he has told you that he wants to be a child forever.
TaraMaiden Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 The bottom line really is this: Forget what he wants. He has made it very clear, and it looks definite, so that is not even an issue up for dsiscussion. The big question is, what do YOU want? If it is something different, then you are never going to become fulfuilled in THIS relationship. So your choice boils down to one simple question: "Do I stay or do I go?"
MinziGirl Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 If you are not in a hurry, then stay with him if you still love him. You are both still very young & there is a chance that things will change in the future.. it can change for the better ... or else for the worse. He might change his maind about marriage or you might decide something else for your life. Break up or stay togehter are the clear choices but as long as you are sttill comfortable being with him, there is no reason to initiate an immediate break up. Good luck.
Enema Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Can you define what you mean by "commendable"? Not the word I'd use..... Commendable: Worthy of high praise, admirable. I of course, think children and marriage are a mistake. Wanting nothing to do with them is to me - commendable.
JustLooking123 Posted June 8, 2009 Posted June 8, 2009 Commendable: Worthy of high praise, admirable. I of course, think children and marriage are a mistake. Wanting nothing to do with them is to me - commendable. Good thing your mother didn't agree with this sentiment
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