blaken Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 The question is simple, do you like being single? I think I do. I just broke up with my boyfriend and the more I think about it, the less I want to be with someone. I can't really put my finger on it, the main thing that comes to my mind though is that I like my time alone, I dislike the obligations linked to a relationship. In my relationship I *had to* be available on short notice, I *had to* have sex every night (2/3 times a week once a week is good for me, I am not saying NO sex ) or it was asking for a fight, I had to be this and that, and it had come to a point where I did not want to spend time with him anymore, I was totally suffocating! Now are all relationships like that? Not like I had many before, I'm very independent, I'll totally enjoy your company but I do love time for myself too. And I'm wondering, is there something wrong with me? I do come from a family with an alcoholic mother (kids with alcoholic parents have a tendency to wall themselves in) and a father who lived 3000 miles away. Eh I think I just need to recover from all this time gasping for air. I don't want to be single to be able to date by the way, not at all. I don't like dating, in the butterfly kind of way. But I was wondering.. do you feel the same way? Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I like my time alone, I dislike the obligations linked to a relationship. Amen sistah! I enjoy the h*ll out of being single and fancy-free. Especially when I compare my state of existence to married people. There but for the grace of God go I. (I was married once, for 3 years, in my early 20's. It was a disaster. Once was enough for me.) Link to post Share on other sites
amaysngrace Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I like being single but I met my BF so the single thing is kind of out the window for me now. It changes when you meet someone who is really special, at least it did for me. But if it all goes to hell tomorrow I think I would like being single. Relationships take time and effort. It's hard to find someone who is worth the time or the effort. When you do find someone like that you don't mind the effort so much and you actually like spending your time with them. Link to post Share on other sites
BenThereDunThat Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I LOVE being single. I never dreamed of the big white wedding, never saw being married as a goal in and of itself. Yes, I did think that that was where I would end up, but only just because. Guys that I dated when I was younger, I compared them (and myself) to my mom & dad. My HS sweetheart was the first person I ever was intimate with - because I assumed I would marry him. Just like my mom married my dad. BUT - even though he was my first...he did NOT turn me on. Anyway, I'm getting off-topic. In answer (again) to the original question: YES - I LOVE being single. The only thing I don't like about being single is missing out on the sex. I can't bring myself to be foot loose and fancy free in that way (don't get me wrong, I wish I could), I still must have some latent Catholic virtues in me somewhere. Coming home to MY house and being able to just chill is a beautiful thing and I do not take it for granted. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I can't bring myself to be foot loose and fancy free in that way (don't get me wrong, I wish I could), *ahem* i beg to differ with that statement Link to post Share on other sites
Land Shark Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Being in a new relationship feels better than being in a good relationship. Being in a good relationship is better than being single. Being single is better than being in a bad relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Being in a new relationship feels better than being in a good relationship. Being in a good relationship is better than being single. Being single is better than being in a bad relationship. Being in a bad relationship is better than being dead Link to post Share on other sites
Land Shark Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Being in a bad relationship is better than being dead Being dead is better than being slowly dismembered. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Being dead is better than being slowly dismembered. being slowly dismembered is better than being drawn and quartered Link to post Share on other sites
Land Shark Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 being slowly dismembered is better than being drawn and quartered (Isn't that the same thing?) Being drawn and quartered is better than being married. Link to post Share on other sites
BenThereDunThat Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 *ahem* i beg to differ with that statement *AHEM* What you don't seem to realize, is that I am very huggy, happy, and physically demonstrative -- note all the people we saw on the way. And, no, (by the way) I am NOT like a piece of furniture at the bar. I have a lot of friends. Even though I'm on the 20th floor, I'm friends with everyone from the mail room on up to the CEO's office. There IS a difference between being a person who is loving in nature and a person who is DESPERATELY LOVING.... And then there are SOME of us who prefer to have a wall around us 100-feet thick. But, whatever. To each his own. Link to post Share on other sites
alphamale Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 But, whatever. To each his own. i like living the single life, no responsibilities and carefree Link to post Share on other sites
BenThereDunThat Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 i like living the single life, no responsibilities and carefree Liar. None of us live a life free of responsibilities. The difference is HAPPINESS. Link to post Share on other sites
BenThereDunThat Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 i like living the single life, no responsibilities and carefree FURTHERMORE - you put YOUR name on a f***ing mortgage THEN come talk to me about f***ing responsibilities. This is why I have no patience with you, or men like you. My exH tried to pull this macho sh*t on me too. He wanted me to be the little woman while he sat on MY couch in MY house that I paid the bills on while he watched his $90/month NFL and we paid God-knows-what on the stupid boat, all the while he was only working half the time... So, yes, in answer to the original question: YES, I am FREAKING happy as HELL to be single. Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Do I like being single - yes and no. My unlimited independence means that I haven't worked out in way too long; no one to look good for, I suppose. I am not overweight but I've lost all my muscle tone. Time to get back into the gym. Being single for me means being more creative and following strange whims. Meeting new people randomly and smoking weed every night. Few phone calls. But it also means this: I don't have anyone to tell my good news to. And that sucks when good news happens. Lately, and usually, I'm jealous of couples. But certainly not the ones with crappy relationships. I guess, though, if I am really honest with myself and cut all the bullsh*t, I'd say that I don't like being single. I have been out of a relationship for over a year and I really miss caring about someone and having them care about me. Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I wish I know how to be happy being alone, in fact I would love some instruction on how to be a content and satisfied single person. I know, I know.. it comes from within. Yay. And how do I get there from here? Although I don't particularly enjoy the single life, I do think I've learned how to be happy alone. So let me say this - IMO, you become a happy, content, satisfied single person by recognizing what you love to do, and what you're good at. Hopefully the two things coincide. For me it's music, for others it's... all sorts of stuff. You do that thing day in and day out. You do it alone or on a team, but almost always it has nothing to do with romance. Then one day, what do you know, someone else on that team or that you meet while you were doing that thing, that thing that you love and are great at - well, you strike up a conversation, date, become a couple. You break up and then you do it all over again. But the important part is to do that thing for the love of it. Finding happiness while single means giving your own life meaning. Making choices and being bold and living for the moment. At least in my experience, anyways. Link to post Share on other sites
kizik Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Last thing I'll say: I worry about this. his lack of interest in regular communication Link to post Share on other sites
Quinch Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 I like the freedom of being able to come and go as I please and not having to always be someones boyfriend. Sometimes I like to just be me. But, at the same time, it would be nice to have someone nearby. Going on holiday or to a cinema or restaurant by yourself is not an attractive prospect. A relationship should always be a partnership of two equals and I believe many fail because they become too one-sided. Link to post Share on other sites
OpenBook Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 IMO, you become a happy, content, satisfied single person by recognizing what you love to do, and what you're good at. Hopefully the two things coincide. For me it's music, for others it's... all sorts of stuff. You do that thing day in and day out. You do it alone or on a team, but almost always it has nothing to do with romance. Then one day, what do you know, someone else on that team or that you meet while you were doing that thing, that thing that you love and are great at - well, you strike up a conversation, date, become a couple. You break up and then you do it all over again. But the important part is to do that thing for the love of it. Finding happiness while single means giving your own life meaning. Making choices and being bold and living for the moment. At least in my experience, anyways. Hear hear!! :bunny: Well said, kizik. When I'm "in the zone" doing what I love is apparently when I'm at my most attractive. But no matter what happens with them, I still have that passion for doing what I love. It's a part of me; nobody can take it away from me. And thank goodness for that, because I've lost just about everything else at one time or another. Link to post Share on other sites
fral945 Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 The question is simple, do you like being single? I think I do. No. I was single most of my life until recently. I've met a really good girl and even though I am not sure how things will work out, I much prefer being with someone (as long as the relationship is good). Human beings have a tendency to insatiability and wanting what they don't have. When I was single for so long I ached to be with someone. Most of the people I know that have been married most of their lives always told me how jealous they were of me, being single and able to do anything I want. I just broke up with my boyfriend and the more I think about it, the less I want to be with someone. I imagine if you stay single long enough over time you likely will get that urge to be with someone again. It is still fresh right now, so being single feels good. In my relationship I *had to* be available on short notice, I *had to* have sex every night (2/3 times a week once a week is good for me, I am not saying NO sex ) or it was asking for a fight, I had to be this and that, and it had come to a point where I did not want to spend time with him anymore, I was totally suffocating! Now are all relationships like that? Not like I had many before, I'm very independent, I'll totally enjoy your company but I do love time for myself too. Being single is better than being in a bad relationship. But being in a good relationship is better than being single. Link to post Share on other sites
Author blaken Posted June 5, 2009 Author Share Posted June 5, 2009 Something came out of the different given answers, being single allows me to get to know me better and I agree. It allows me to be with *me* rather than always be taking care of somebody else (Him). The things I do when I'm alone: I go to the movies (I get to pick to pick what I want to watch of course), I go on a walk with my dog, I volunteer (can find a lot of opportunities on Craigslist), I love doing the thrift stores too. It's not like I do a lot on my own, it's more that everything I do is enjoyable (other than the responsibilities that of course I have like anybody else, bills, work, etc ..). Probably too many years of being by myself made me resistant to answer of my actions or decisions to anyone. "why are you doing it that way?", "you spoil your dog too much", "You need to..", ah that one, I hated it "You NEED TO". Hell no, I don't NEED to do anything, YOU want me to, that's different. It seems like people *need* to have a grip on your life and I want to say, if I'm so dam imperfect, why do you stay? Aren't you tired of trying to find someone and in the end it's a humongous amount of time wasted when you could have been doing something else, when you could have been working on your personal skills, and in the end you'd be the winner anyway, you'd be more attractive to someone you really like. I am not saying that being with someone is a bad thing, but being with anyone just to avoid looking at yourself in the mirror is a mistake. Link to post Share on other sites
Not the love ace Posted June 5, 2009 Share Posted June 5, 2009 Being single is so UNDERRATED (at least I feel like it, 90% of the people I know feel like they MUST be with someone). Being in a relationship is great but having the freedom is so much greater. Not having to worry, not having to be exclusive, not having to stress, not having any obligations is just the best. I love having friends-with-benefits (always have respect with the girls though) and not being tied down. Getting to kiss, cuddle and have sex with no-strings-attached is awesome for me. Too many people I know don't see the benefits and are just scared of being alone and always wants someone to depend on to make them feel better. I just feel like its important to have time for yourself and see exactly what you want before you rush into things and do something stupid. Being single rocks-n-rules! Link to post Share on other sites
Author blaken Posted June 5, 2009 Author Share Posted June 5, 2009 For me it really isn't about sex. "friends with benefits" I call that "Acquaintance with benefits". I read somewhere that someone almost always gets hurt with the f*** buddy kind of situation and I'd have to agree (just go in the dating forum). But anyway freedom is good indeed. And actually, since it's my day off.. a movie sounds good ^^ Link to post Share on other sites
Regular Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 In my opinion, I think any single person who posts on a romance/dating forum regardless of how long they have posted here is simply not happy being single. I have been single for 7 years. I was HAPPILY single and never once looked at a website relating to dating and relationships. Now that I'm NOT happily single (just happened one day about 4 months ago!) I am on a dating and relationships website. Think about it Link to post Share on other sites
MinziGirl Posted June 6, 2009 Share Posted June 6, 2009 Naja... it is not whether i like being single or not. Being in a relationship is not a bad thing either. The trick lies in the balance. A lot of people thinks that you lose your freedom as a single when you are in a relationship or are married. That is simply NOT true. The truth is: one has to learn, respect & balance the time together & the time being sigle in a relationship too so that the relationship/marriage can work. Everybody needs time off to spend it for themselves & also for their friends, job, relatives... etc. One has to enjoy being single, as well as being in a relationship. The same goes with having sex. There has to be a mutual agreement to that too. If it is forced, it takes any enjoyment out of it. Therefore, couples should have the power to say no to sex too when it is genuinely not good for them. Too often saying no is not good either... Like i have said: the trick lies in finding the balance. ;-) Link to post Share on other sites
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