Author hj2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Author Posted June 5, 2009 OP, correct me if I'm wrong but it seems to me that your problem here is not so much the fact that your girlfriend slept around all willy nilly before she met you, it's the fact that she condones sleeping around all willy nilly when she's all broken up inside. You are correct. The girlfriend in question here doesn't think she did anything wrong by sleeping around, she encourages her girlfriends to go out and get laid after a break up. This is someone who doesn't think that kind of behavior is reprehensible. Right or wrong, she is entitled to her beliefs. It is not about her past actions but her attitude in general and her approach to life. It seems if given the chance, she would repeat the same actions because she doesn't think it is a big deal. While the OP thinks it is. Yep - it certainly does seem this way to me as well. I'm actually not 100% sure it's a "big deal"... I don't really like it, but if I could understand the thoughts, feelings, etc behind it, I think I could accept it more. The idea that other people brought up of her going to someone she considers "safe" is actually quite comforting to me. OP and his girlfriend are incompatible in this instance and should either address that or break up. This is not an issue of retroactive jealousy that can be easily cured by realizing that the past is the past. This is an issue of mismatched values. His girlfriend doesn't is not discriminating about her number of sex partners, he, on the other hand is. Thank you. You have successfully put into words what I have been trying to tell people (not here, necessarily) about this NOT being a jealousy issue. I feel no jealousy whatsoever. I am just trying to discern her values and if I am okay with them.
Author hj2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Author Posted June 5, 2009 Identify your attraction pattern. Did the sex become special because of the intimacy or did the intimacy develop as a result of the sex and the sex became special later? I think both? Maybe I am misunderstanding. I think the sex became special because of the intimacy that developed. And I think the intimacy that developed was partly due to the sex, though I don't think sex was the main driver. You're embarking on a journey to a deeper part of yourself. I sure am.
carhill Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 I think both? Maybe I am misunderstanding. I think the sex became special because of the intimacy that developed. And I think the intimacy that developed was partly due to the sex, though I don't think sex was the main driver. Rewind. Since you have stated that you are attractive and have had a number of girlfriends, what's *your* historical pattern? IIRC, you mentioned some "not so special" sex in your past. What was the dynamic there? Did the relationship develop out of the sex or did the sex codify and solidify the existing and developing intimacy? Remember, there is no right and wrong here, only a dynamic of compatibility. What did you discern from your experiences that you're bringing to bear here with this lady and sharing with us right now? Your concern that your girlfriend *currently* condones and/or supports casual sex as a method to validate oneself and/or "get over" a relationship seems to be at odds with your philosophy on such matters. Is there any impetus for that philosophy in your past? Do you "get" where she's coming from but no longer accept that as your path? Or, do you have no awareness or understanding of that perspective and have never acted in such a way yourself? You said you were "more conservative" in matters of sex, hence my inquiry. Well, enough armchair psychology for one day. Back to getting dirty
samspade Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 ANDREW DICE CLAY: Hey, is that your chick there? GUY IN THE AUDIENCE: Yeah! DICE: Damn she's pretty hot! GUY: Yeah,.. DICE: You been together a while? GUY: Almost a year. DICE: Nice. She faithful to you? GUY: Oh yeah. DICE: She good in bed? GUY: *nods head enthusiastically* DICE: She suck a good d!ck? GUY: (laughing) Oooh yeah,.. DICE: I suppose the next question would be, "How do you suppose she got that way?"
Chicago_Guy Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 I asked because she kept alluding to it and it was driving me crazy. I was even more mentally disturbed when i did not know. I sort of disagree with it not being my business, but only to a point. Before I asked her about it, I said very specifically that she did not have to answer any question she did not want to. What if I found out she had lots of really serious problems in past relationships, like STDs? Would that not be my business? I think people's actions are an indicator of future action as well. I understand why you have concerns. It would be one thing if he had a slutty past, but you didn't know anything about it. However, it seems as though he's had a slutty past and periodically drops hints about it - I would also have a problem with a girl like that.
kizik Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 ANDREW DICE CLAY: Hey, is that your chick there? GUY IN THE AUDIENCE: Yeah! DICE: Damn she's pretty hot! GUY: Yeah,.. DICE: You been together a while? GUY: Almost a year. DICE: Nice. She faithful to you? GUY: Oh yeah. DICE: She good in bed? GUY: *nods head enthusiastically* DICE: She suck a good d!ck? GUY: (laughing) Oooh yeah,.. DICE: I suppose the next question would be, "How do you suppose she got that way?" Awesome. :sick:
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