loveslife Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 I think most people go through times of feeling like nothing will work out right for them. And we've all had challenges growing up. It's just life. I seriously doubt you'll be single forever. Maybe instead of focusing on all the things that could go wrong you could try spending some time trying to focus on having some faith. Short of that, just live your life. The only constant is change and, in my opinion, being foolish and doing stupid things is a right we're lucky to have. I enjoy it.
gopher Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 Good lord Meagan, You don't want to be married or attached at 23 anyway!!! Trust me on this...Enjoy your 20's and you'll look back and be glad you did!!!
Touche Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 I'm supposed to be in my prime right now. I don't want to wait until I am that much older to find teh right man. Besides, I plan on being single forever. I don't want to deal with all the baggage that comes with a relationship. By then I'll have to worry about him looking and desiring younger women. Funny, but I thought I was at my prime at 33 not 23. I don't worry about my husband looking at or desiring younger women. He loves ME. But ok, whatever works for you dear. Anyway, like I said your brain hasn't fully developed yet. Bet you'll think differently in a few years. If not, sounds like a sad way to go through life.
amaysngrace Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 If you don't like and accept men for how they are then how on God's green Earth do you expect them to like and accept you for who you are? You throw bad vibes.
Lindarose84 Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 From reading most of your threads, I would say that I think the problem starts with your self-hatred for yourself more so than any "problem" you see with men. You feel threatened by other women (not women you would actually encounter in your real life, but women in strip clubs, music videos, pinup mags, and porn videos) because of their "features" you believe are prized by African American males in your community. I'm going to guess you're African American yourself. It sounds as though you're not comfortable in your own skin because you're constantly comparing yourself to the blonde-hair-blue-eye-size 2 women that society defines as "perfection in beauty" so you automatically devalue yourself and find that because of your skin color you will never be like the type of women you think most black men (or otherwise) find attractive. I think once you stop comparing yourself to something you will never be and accept yourself for who you are, only then can you begin to develop meaningful relationships with men because you won't be threatened by every women you see on the street.
Author MeaganRaye Posted June 7, 2009 Author Posted June 7, 2009 From reading most of your threads, I would say that I think the problem starts with your self-hatred for yourself more so than any "problem" you see with men. You feel threatened by other women (not women you would actually encounter in your real life, but women in strip clubs, music videos, pinup mags, and porn videos) because of their "features" you believe are prized by African American males in your community. I'm going to guess you're African American yourself. It sounds as though you're not comfortable in your own skin because you're constantly comparing yourself to the blonde-hair-blue-eye-size 2 women that society defines as "perfection in beauty" so you automatically devalue yourself and find that because of your skin color you will never be like the type of women you think most black men (or otherwise) find attractive. I think once you stop comparing yourself to something you will never be and accept yourself for who you are, only then can you begin to develop meaningful relationships with men because you won't be threatened by every women you see on the street. AAs guys I know aren't worried about blonde hair blue eyed White women. They like the light complected black or mixed women with long hair and I am darkskin with dark eyes. A lot of these women are not just in magazines but in my community and at local strip clubs in my area. So they are real and a threat. Even if I accept myself that still doesn't mean that these kind of women will not be a threat, they still can take my man. I just feel like a black guy will settle for me even though he really wants a woman with a light complexion and naturally straight hair
Kamille Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Meagan, I wonder... Do you struggle with any eating disorder? Perhaps you over-excercise? You really focus way too much energy on physical appearance and it makes me doubt you have a clear idea of what you actually look like. Plus, well, spending so much time thinking about looks, yours and other women's, makes me wonder how much you invest in other parts of your life. You seem to be stuck in the cycle of thinking that how you look is why you are single, when really, what you seem to need most of all is a good attitude re-haul. So, in that sense, I think it IS good that you give up on the idea of dating and, instead, focus on including doing things that make you happy in your life. Also, I'm curious - you say the type of guys you like aren't interested in you... What exactly is your type of guy?
Lindarose84 Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 AAs guys I know aren't worried about blonde hair blue eyed White women. They like the light complected black or mixed women with long hair and I am darkskin with dark eyes. A lot of these women are not just in magazines but in my community and at local strip clubs in my area. So they are real and a threat. Even if I accept myself that still doesn't mean that these kind of women will not be a threat, they still can take my man. I just feel like a black guy will settle for me even though he really wants a woman with a light complexion and naturally straight hair Thing is, if you do start to accept yourself and change your attitude on your personal appearance, those other women you're so worried about won't be a threat to any relationship you're in. Why? Because you will throw out such a confident and positive vibe that will attract the right man for you. Right now though, with this negative aura you're throwing out, any man in a relationship with you (if you can even get to a relationship point with this attitude) WILL cheat on you, because no man wants to be around a woman that's nagging him to death about other women that may cross his path. I think you need to stop assuming about what you think black men are attracted to- unless you've spoken to every single black male in your community, you really don't know. I mean, I guess President Obama just decided to settle for Michelle huh? Different men like different things. Just chill out, work on yourself right now, and the rest will fall into place for you. You're only 23- you have A LOT of time to figure out your dating life.
Author MeaganRaye Posted June 7, 2009 Author Posted June 7, 2009 Meagan, I wonder... Do you struggle with any eating disorder? Perhaps you over-excercise? You really focus way too much energy on physical appearance and it makes me doubt you have a clear idea of what you actually look like. Plus, well, spending so much time thinking about looks, yours and other women's, makes me wonder how much you invest in other parts of your life. You seem to be stuck in the cycle of thinking that how you look is why you are single, when really, what you seem to need most of all is a good attitude re-haul. So, in that sense, I think it IS good that you give up on the idea of dating and, instead, focus on including doing things that make you happy in your life. Also, I'm curious - you say the type of guys you like aren't interested in you... What exactly is your type of guy? Yes, I am very weight conscious. I take a lot of diet pills My type of guy is tall, medium build, good looking, charming, wears glasses, etc very smart, likes to read and travel these type of men usually like light complected women mixed looking black women. I am never their type. I can't seem to be attracted to any other kind of man so I will always be single
Kamille Posted June 7, 2009 Posted June 7, 2009 Yes, I am very weight conscious. I take a lot of diet pills My type of guy is tall, medium build, good looking, charming, wears glasses, etc very smart, likes to read and travel these type of men usually like light complected women mixed looking black women. I am never their type. I can't seem to be attracted to any other kind of man so I will always be single These types of men (the type that I date actually) are attracted to more then skin color... They like good conversation, easy-going laughter. So what do you bring to the table when it comes to attracting a smart, wordly man?
Skump Posted July 26, 2009 Posted July 26, 2009 Greetings to the forum! I just happened across this thread while browsing the net on a tangent subject. After reading it, I can't help but toss my two cents in. I know the thread's a bit old, but I think this advice merits an attempt with the digital-defibrillator... Meg, I'm going to spend a paragraph or two on men's consumption of pornography. Although I think you're probably an intelligent girl, you seem to hold inaccurate beliefs about why most men view porn. These inaccuracies have obviously been the source for a lot of (fundamentally irrational) angst, so I hope you'll marshall your native intelligence and honestly consider what I have to say. You seem to believe that most men view porn for a similar reason to why many women read romance novels - i.e, that most male porn viewing is a wish fulfillment activity. This is not true. Men who view porn are not automatically thereby evidencing dissatisfaction with their wives or girlfriends, or even with their sex lives. They are not even necessarily evidencing a desire to have sex with the porn model whom they're viewing. Based on my experience, there is only one aim that that all men have when viewing porn - achieving a quick orgasm. To most men I've known, pornography is nothing more than a means to achieve orgasm. That's it. As evidence of this, consider how few porn models are actually beautiful. Most women in porn really aren't that great looking. That's because, for most men, porn isn't wish fulfillment, it's a tool for a quick orgasm. There are certainly some men who use porn for wish fulfillment. There are some men who are porn addicts. There is also a vast sea of men who simply use porn to "get off." For these men, their viewing is not an indication of unhappiness, a desire to be unfaithful, to be non-monogamous, etc., but merely the fact that their girlfriends aren't available for sex at the moment they feel "the need." If a (hypothetical) boyfriend's porn viewing is taking time out of a relationship, that's a red flag. If a boyfriend wants to watch porn instead of have sex with his girlfriend, that should be a bigger red flag than the Kremlin standard. But for Pete's sake, please do NOT use the mere fact that a man views porn as a rejection criterion. You will reject fantastic human beings using this standard, and you will not be reducing the field to a superior poor of potential mates.
Recommended Posts