Trialbyfire Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Staying away from relationship= healthy coping tools I can't help the world I am stuck in. But a lot of the men I'm around, make me want to be single forever.No, that's just a form of pre-emptive rejection. Men aren't lining up to date you. Why? Maybe right now, you're stuck but you're young and can get out of it. Once you get some freedom away from your parents, you might find that life isn't so bad, that people aren't so evil.
Author MeaganRaye Posted June 5, 2009 Author Posted June 5, 2009 No, that's just a form of pre-emptive rejection. Men aren't lining up to date you. Why? I get asked out..they're not my type but I do. I just don't want to be bothered. I've gotten accustomed to being alone. I don't have to worry about my boyfriend looking at other women, cheating on me or demanding too much of my time.
Trialbyfire Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 I get asked out..they're not my type but I do. I just don't want to be bothered. I've gotten accustomed to being alone. I don't have to worry about my boyfriend looking at other women, cheating on me or demanding too much of my time.In another thread, you asked why if there's a choice between yourself and another woman, you never get picked. Why?
Author MeaganRaye Posted June 5, 2009 Author Posted June 5, 2009 In another thread, you asked why if there's a choice between yourself and another woman, you never get picked. Why? I have no idea. Never asked the guy. But now I have the control by not being put in anyone's position to be picked. I prefer it that way
kizik Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Meagan, I think it's best you stay single, especially for the man. Eventually he'll realize he's supposed to behave like a neutered puppy, and go, "WTF?". I already feel bad for the ball-busted male who will come under your testicle-crushing spell. Good luck.
missdependant Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 I agree. If you are going to be a control freak, you SHOULD be single. Control freaks are typically emotionally abusive.
Trialbyfire Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 I have no idea. Never asked the guy. But now I have the control by not being put in anyone's position to be picked. I prefer it that way The guy or all the guys? I can see you're not prepared to do any self-examination, so when you're ready to do so, perhaps people on LS can try to help you.
Touche Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Just curious but how old are you? You don't have to say if you don't want to..I'm guessing you're very young though.
samspade Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 You can enjoy the same things as a single person that you can as a married or committed person. So stay single. The only exception is having and raising kids in a stable environment. Otherwise - there's no reason you need to be "with" somebody if you don't want to be.
Author MeaganRaye Posted June 5, 2009 Author Posted June 5, 2009 I plan on adopting whether I stay single or not. I don't ever want to get pregnant, it doesn't appeal to me at all. Getting fat and unattractive. Sure way to lose a man's interest. Many women in my family after they have children get big and are never able to lose the weight so I defintely will not be having babies. And it puts your body through so much If I have enough money one day surrogacy is a good option t oo
Touche Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 I'm 23. why? I was just curious about your stage in life. You change a lot in your 20's. Your brain isn't even fully developed yet you know.
LovieDove24 Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 I plan on adopting whether I stay single or not. I don't ever want to get pregnant, it doesn't appeal to me at all. Getting fat and unattractive. Sure way to lose a man's interest. Many women in my family after they have children get big and are never able to lose the weight so I defintely will not be having babies. And it puts your body through so much If I have enough money one day surrogacy is a good option t oo You don't want to get pregnant because you say you will get unattractive and lose a man's interest. You say you don't want to date men, because you feel they all will watch porn and subsequently place less value on you. In essence, everything you speak of is about fear. Fear of losing a male's attention. I am no therapist, but throughout this thread, thats one message you've made extremely clear. What in your childhood or past relationships has made you so fearful of losing a male's attention? Do you realize that avoidance is no way to conquer a fear?
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 I've been thinking about this the last few months and maybe being single is the best thing for me. I don't want a man who looks at porn, visits strip clubs, and looks at other women. It's hard to find a man who doesn't do all three. It irritates and annoys me so much that I'll be a spinster. Some women can adapt but I can't. Unless I find a guy who doesn't do all three than I will not be attempting a serious relationship in my whole life I'm a single guy, I look at porn, because right now I'm technically single. lol. There's nothing wrong with porn, I dont see why women take such offense to it. It only becomes a problem when it's becomes' obsessive. Your not gonna find a guy who doesn't look at it, let's be realistic. When I'm with whoever I'm dating I'm respectful enough to respect when I'm with her...I expect the same. I dont do clubs, I went to one for my birthday and didnt get the atmosphere. I like sports bars, clubs like that, relaxed more fun. ..So it's possible to find the right guy but you should be a bit more flexible.
kizik Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 I just jerked off to porn, but it was because I was insecure.
missdependant Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 There's nothing wrong with porn, I dont see why women take such offense to it. It only becomes a problem when it's becomes' obsessive. This goes for both sides. One shouldn't be obsessing over why/whether or not their SO is watching porn, and the other shouldn't be watching it 12 hours a day.
amymarieca Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Meagan, you are way to young to be this cynical. Wait until you have some really screwed up relationships before you can think like this. Take my mother for example- married to my dad who left her after 27 years for another woman while she was very sick in the hospital. The next boyfriend after that was a controlling ******* who stalked her after she broke up with him. Just recently she found her boyfriend in his apartment laying dead on his couch because he had a massive heart attack in his sleep. Talk about messed up. Her cynicism I understand...yours, I don't.
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 This goes for both sides. One shouldn't be obsessing over why/whether or not their SO is watching porn, and the other shouldn't be watching it 12 hours a day. 12 hours a day, damn when do you work???? lol.
sxyNYCcpl Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Frankly, Meagan, given your attitude, I think your plan is a good one. Even if you found a man who lived up to your ridiculous standards, my guess is that every time his cell phone rang or he got an email or other form of communication from someone other than you you'd be freaking out and making accusations that he could never dispel. I agree with the posters who have opined that you need therapy. Your cynicism is over the top ridiculous, and my guess is that your inability to form normal relationships with people is going to be a serious issue for you, likely already is.
spiracles Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 12 hours a day, damn when do you work???? lol. it's called multi-tasking. and the OP's decision is the correct one, and we should be applauding it. we are born alone, and we die alone, so she is just one step ahead of us. cheers!
Woggle Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 On behalf of the male gender I thank you for your decision to stay single.
Chrome Barracuda Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 On behalf of the male gender I thank you for your decision to stay single. LMFAO!!!! Wow...
lizzylizliz Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Sadly, I don't think you're ever going to be happy, not unless you change your mindset. I was anti porn when I was younger because I saw it as a competition. It's not. Once that sinks in, and you realise men love you for who you are, in a way they can never appreciate these women they've never met, that you can be properly at peace with yourself. How do you feel about people you're dating having female friends? Something else you'll need to realise is women and men are completely different in the way they think and behave. Men have annoyed me so many times that I've thought about becoming lesbian, just to get a break from it! It's normal and healthyt o find other people attractive in relationships. It's human nature. Looking is ifne. I'd be more concerned about the ones that touch. An ex of mine told me that he didn't fancy anyone else, never watched porn,never looked at anyone else, and only wanted me. Me, being young and naive, lapped it up. It was only whe we split that I found out he'd been sleeping with one of my close female friends for MONTHS. Talk is cheap!
Author MeaganRaye Posted June 5, 2009 Author Posted June 5, 2009 Meagan, how do you feel when you (and you are alone, not with any guy) see a beautiful woman in a magazine or on TV? Do you feel insecure? Do you appreciate her appearance? Do you view her as a threat? It depends on what she looks like. If she has similar features as me then I can appreciate her beauty. but if she has the type of looks that is ideal in my community that a lot of black guys like I see her as a threat.
Author MeaganRaye Posted June 5, 2009 Author Posted June 5, 2009 You don't want to get pregnant because you say you will get unattractive and lose a man's interest. You say you don't want to date men, because you feel they all will watch porn and subsequently place less value on you. In essence, everything you speak of is about fear. Fear of losing a male's attention. I am no therapist, but throughout this thread, thats one message you've made extremely clear. What in your childhood or past relationships has made you so fearful of losing a male's attention? Do you realize that avoidance is no way to conquer a fear? I did not have a good adolescence. I spent my teen years being completely non existance to guys (did not date, did not have sex, or anything) and it was the worse years of my life. I did have a friend in high school who played matchmaker with this guy from another school, we had a telephone semi long distance relationship. He never wanted anybody to know that he was dating me because I was not pretty enough. I would never want to go back to those years being the way I was, looking the way I did. I was so lonely, and rejected and felt that I missed out on so much that I never want to go without male attention again. It is just the worse existance you can ever be in. I am so glad that I grew up to be pretty
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