LadyV Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 So, today is 32 days NC! I feel pretty good and confident, except for the fact that I am thinking that I may infact unblock his number. I don't know why I feel the need to unblock him. I guess because I believe that he won't contact me anymore. I haven't heard from him, except from card that he left at my door almost 2 weeks ago for my graduation. I haven't even sent him a thank you card and don't plan on it. I guess the true test will be if he does in fact contact me. I am hoping that with in the last 32 days, if he did infact try to text or call, he got the message letting him know of the call restrictions, as well as the texts not going through. Probably a bad idea....
wow123 Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 Do you want him back? If so, and you feel strong enough to deal with the possibility of him calling to merely say hello and not reconcile then unblock him. If you want him back and dont unblock him how will you ever know? It's a crap shoot and you have to be willing to pay the consequences.
Author LadyV Posted June 4, 2009 Author Posted June 4, 2009 No...I don't want him back... I'm not going to unblock him. There is a reason why I am no longer in the situation, and it needs to stay that way...
crackerjax9 Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 LADYV...i just blocked my ex's number today..he was leading me on and playing mind games with me for the past month...all i wanted was to get back with him but he "wasnt sure" ...so i took it upon myself to block it so that i dont call or text him ...32 days wow! how has blocking the number helped? im trying to make sure im doing the right thing...at this point i do want him back but he deosnt want me so maybe this will make me see what else is out there?
wow123 Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 crackerjax, If you want him back...how do you expect to do so by blocking his numbers? That means he cant call you or leave you a voicemail correct? Most guys wouldn't show up at a girls house, I wouldn't thats stalkerish to say the least.
crackerjax9 Posted June 4, 2009 Posted June 4, 2009 He knows my house number & he could always message me on facebook. I did it so that I could stop looking so pathetic by sending him messages and calling him when he doesnt want me right now...saving my dignity.
Steadfast Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 Look, days turn into weeks pretty quickly, then weeks into months, and months into... Don't concern yourself about looking pathetic. Sure, the thought may cross his mind, but more than likely what he really feels in a certain sense of smugness and control; like you're in his pocket. After a certain period of time you're going to come to the realization that it just isn't working for you, and you'll go full NC and mean it. He'll notice, and hold out on his own for a time as well. It's a game. More likely than not, he'll remember your impassioned attempts to reach out and will miss it. That's when he'll try to contact you. It might be to simply get you back on the hook, for more serious reasons, or he might just move on and decide to forget you completely. Either way, in time you'll know for sure. Remember, when a guy is really crazy about a girl, wild horses couldn't keep him away. It is probably the same for women, but I am not sure just how most would approach that. There seems to exist a bit of a double standard there, as men are more conditioned for 'chasing'. Bottom line; NC is the way to go. It is the _only_ way to find out how he really feels.
Author LadyV Posted June 5, 2009 Author Posted June 5, 2009 LADYV...i just blocked my ex's number today..he was leading me on and playing mind games with me for the past month...all i wanted was to get back with him but he "wasnt sure" ...so i took it upon myself to block it so that i dont call or text him ...32 days wow! how has blocking the number helped? im trying to make sure im doing the right thing...at this point i do want him back but he deosnt want me so maybe this will make me see what else is out there? 33 Days today! In my case, I did want him back, but not the way it was. I knew that it would just be the very same...the same cycle...bliss in the beginng, hell in the end. I just couldn't do it anymore. It wasn't fair to myself or my kids to see me like this in an unstable relationship with a guy who just didn't know what he wanted.... If he wanted me back SO BAD, then he would have been willing to do what it took. We tried, and it was just a matter of one of us walking away and saying enough...I took the ball back into my own court and decided NO MORE!!! I blocked his number, closed email accounts, as well as opened a new one and blocked his addy just incase. He blocked me from FB, per MY request. I'm still blocked I think....I don't know. I don't bother checking. He did start seeing someone 1 week after I went NC. That was a true eye opener to what kind of person he is.... I have been feeling awesome the last few days....I feel more confident, and strong...compared to just 3 weeks ago...The longer I go without seeing/talking/texting/email...ANYTHING to do with him; I am better off. I'm working on me, and trying to figure out why it is that I am willing to put myself on the line for him... I don't wait around for his call, or email because I know he can't contact me. He could email me at work, but hasn't, and to be honest, I really don't think he will....I've shifted my thinking from "Why haven't I heard from him" "Yes!! I haven't heard from him!!!! Another day down!" My friends have said I look the best I have in weeks....I've lost 10 lbs, just simply by watching what I'm eating and staying active. I'm spending more time with those I love...as in friends as well as family. Sure, I have my lapses in judgement. Obviously, I was tempted to unblock him . But now, I am glad I decided not too. Although I am feeling confident, who knows what I would do if he did contact me.... Day by day is all I can do...I'm doing so much better now that I am finally out of the cycle....
Author LadyV Posted June 5, 2009 Author Posted June 5, 2009 Look, days turn into weeks pretty quickly, then weeks into months, and months into... Don't concern yourself about looking pathetic. Sure, the thought may cross his mind, but more than likely what he really feels in a certain sense of smugness and control; like you're in his pocket. After a certain period of time you're going to come to the realization that it just isn't working for you, and you'll go full NC and mean it. He'll notice, and hold out on his own for a time as well. It's a game. More likely than not, he'll remember your impassioned attempts to reach out and will miss it. That's when he'll try to contact you. It might be to simply get you back on the hook, for more serious reasons, or he might just move on and decide to forget you completely. Either way, in time you'll know for sure. Remember, when a guy is really crazy about a girl, wild horses couldn't keep him away. It is probably the same for women, but I am not sure just how most would approach that. There seems to exist a bit of a double standard there, as men are more conditioned for 'chasing'. Bottom line; NC is the way to go. It is the _only_ way to find out how he really feels. I have to agree....My XBF was ALWAYS the one contacting me...I would tell him to stop, yet he would still edge his way back in. He would try, and tell me how he was just misserable without me and he needed me...but my XBF is a typical commitment phobe...HE JUST CAN'T COMMIT!!! Then after a few weeks, would walk away, or just say he isn't ready, or can't or whatever...but yet, he wanted me there for him?? No commitment? Sorry!!! This girl doesn't play that game... I think that if 2 people really love eachother, they will do whatever it takes to be together...there will be moments of frustration, and all that stuff, but in the end, if one walks away, the mindset should be let them!!! I know, easier said than done.... I don't know if my XBF thinks about me...If he does, I'm sure he justifies it by saying..."She wants more than i can give her" This has been his mindset with all the women before me...He loves the chace...the feeling of wanting something so bad and doing whatever he can to get it...once he has it, he has no clue what to do with it, so he throws it away. He even told me. "I've dated plenty of women, but this was wrong, or that was wrong." For me, he just kept telling me, 'I'm just going to hurt you in the end". That he did...I should have stayed away the first time he walked.... I am a true believer in God....I found this Bible quote yesterday and it speaks so true....It is from the Message Bible... Isaiah 43:18-19 "Forget about what's happend; don't keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand-new. It's bursting out! Don't you see it?" I found this yesterday when I was tempted to open that door again by unblocking him...then I realized...NO. How can antyhing new and good happen if I keep going over the past?? I'm ready!! I am moving on and keeping my head up!!!
crackerjax9 Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 steadfast : thank you for that! it made me feel alot better and gave me some inspiration LadyV: I dont want him back the same way either! He needs to be a changed man and i told him that everytime we talked in this past month...but he hasnt changed and im not going to take him back til he does. At this point i do miss him and love him and would take him back if he asked...but im hoping in the next couple of weeks of no contact ill change my mind and realize i dont need his bull. i got drunk last night and unblocked his number (ugh) and called him but he didnt answer then i left a voicemail saying he had his chance and now im moving on and that he better not decide to want me a month from now because i WONT be there... i blocked it again im really mad that i did that but cant take it back...our one year would be monday so that sucks...but gotta keep my head up
Steadfast Posted June 5, 2009 Posted June 5, 2009 I am a true believer in God....I found this Bible quote yesterday and it speaks so true....It is from the Message Bible... Isaiah 43:18-19 "Forget about what's happend; don't keep going over old history. Be alert, be present. I'm about to do something brand-new. It's bursting out! Don't you see it?" I found this yesterday when I was tempted to open that door again by unblocking him...then I realized...NO. How can antyhing new and good happen if I keep going over the past?? I'm ready!! I am moving on and keeping my head up!!! Beautifully said. That's inspirational and so very true. Real encouragement!
Author LadyV Posted June 5, 2009 Author Posted June 5, 2009 i blocked it again im really mad that i did that but cant take it back...our one year would be monday so that sucks...but gotta keep my head up EXACTLY!!! Good for you for blocking it again... When I bLocked XBF's number, I did it to mainly STOP myself from being tempted to contact him. I was desperate to just get past it, and move forward, but knowing that he could text me and I could text him too made it that much worse!!! The whole.."I want him in my life, I can handle just being his friend!" NO...I couldn't so had to cut myself off completely as well as him just to protect my own heart. The first week I felt like a zombie...I was trying to remember what life was like BEFORE him. As if I couldn't remember what I did. I would often look at the clock and think..."Oh, it's his lunch time." Or "He would call me at this time." BLAH BLAH!! As time goes by, I don't care. Although I do talk to his roomate, we are very good friends, hang out from time to time. I'll hear little tibits from him about XBF..mainly roomate bitching because XBF was being a jerk to him. Or, he will say something like, "He's hiding from the public in his room...He never seems to really go out and do anything which has me questioning if he is even seeing this girl still...OH WELL, I DON'T CARE!!! Better for me not to know. Roomate doesn't telling me everyday what is going on...just time to time. I don't ask...even if I do, I tell him, "Don't answer that!!!" Of course, I am going to be curious how he's doing...but I don't look at it as...'He is totally missing out'. More like, I really hope that he is okay...I think back to the way we were when we were together...how I felt like I was always walking around on egghsells, how I always felt like I was not good enough, or I was always worried when he was going to break it off AGAIN...I don't have to worry about that anymore..."I'm DRAMA FREE!" I would keep up with the no contact if I were you Cracker. At first it is really hard. I know. But in the end, you will feel so much better. I'm progressing in my healing and trying to really better myself. One day I will find someone who is going to treat me like a treasure. Trust me, I still have my moments when I think about our times together and I miss it...then quickly, I start thinking about how things really were, and how his true colors showed. You too will get through this...one day at a time...I just take each day as it comes...that is all I can do!
crackerjax9 Posted June 6, 2009 Posted June 6, 2009 EXACTLY why i blocked him. i dont want to text or call him when he doesnt even think to call or text me.my phone would mock me as it just sat there getting no calls or texts from him. and thats exactly how i felt all the time while i was with him -- like i was walking on eggshells & wasnt good enough.
Author LadyV Posted June 6, 2009 Author Posted June 6, 2009 EXACTLY why i blocked him. i dont want to text or call him when he doesnt even think to call or text me.my phone would mock me as it just sat there getting no calls or texts from him. and thats exactly how i felt all the time while i was with him -- like i was walking on eggshells & wasnt good enough. Think about it this way Crackerjax, You don't have to feel that way anymore!
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